off the wagon?

or is it back on the wagon? i dont know.


its been a big week.

i resigned from my job as of may 1st. now my job is where i ate the best, didnt snack as much and ate the small meals frequently to keep up my metabolism.

im scared for this new period in my life, because to be honest i have no idea what im doing next. will i get another job? maybe and hopefully. or maybe ill go to school?

but ill get time with my babe in the meantime.

im scared, but i have much excitement. life is for the living! i want to enjoy it.

i hope to be more active while im at home and utilize naptimes for finishing novels and exercises. lately his naps are 2-3 hours long on a good day. much can be accomplished! ill also be cleaning more and hopefully not lose momentum.

i want to get back on the wagon.

today i had many quesadillas. no bueno. carbs and cheese? um my goodness.

its time for something new. its time to keep at it.

pray for me, in all aspects.

i wish 2 things for my readers,

do what makes you happy,
and be proud of what you do.
(unless its bad, against the law, or both. )


im faithful.

heres to life!

holy HELL!

look how BIG i was! this was October!
http://marriagemattersoregon.org/2009/10/rachel_may.html

and this is me NOW!

wow its been awhile.

ive been going through a lot mentally.

and physically.

and edibly.

lol.
i have been in pt for my back. and it hasnt been helping.
then
my grandfather in California passed away, Junes Dad, and i went for 5 days to be with my family.
J stayed home but little j came with me. 13 hour drives, no bueno for a 15 month old.

and lets just say my california family doesnt believe in diet food lol.

i came back and had a doctors appointment first thing in the morning.
it was hard to see 205 on the scale.
in a month plus i had gained 10 lbs.
then i got sick. ive been sick for 3 days and missed more work.

work is another story.
i dont know what to do.
i want out.

now with that mentality i must tell you i will NOT slack off because i am unhappy. instead i will make sure i take action to either find the culprit, or find an alternative. or both.

i put in an application at another job. and i want to be out. i'm even looking at part time.
calculating what i need and don't need.

i want more time with Jude.
i do want money, but its more important to me to spend time with Julian and be a mom. we will be having another child soon, and i want just julian time before hand.

im just confused, and the time i have had to spend from work the last 2 weeks has made me think.

i dont know what to do.

sigh.

but tomorrow is conan obrien!

i came back.

long time no confession

ive had rough weeks. im not stressing. i bet ive packed on 4 or 5 lbs back. but im not worried. its all part of the journey : ]

ive been laid up with back pain still, hypermobility the phys therapist calls it, and havent worked out much or eaten better.

im silly. but im checking in with you. stay strong, drink water and eat right!


ill update as things move along : ]

busy bee

work and life have me busy. sorry i havent been here, ghost readers.

ive gained back 2 lbs. back to 197. ive been bad i admit it.
ill make the changes again.
ive been ina slump lately. had a bit of a meltdown recently, where i was literally shopping 4x a week. since i can now try on and wear most anything in a size 14 and even dresses in 12s, i have been buying. its amazing how much money you save when you cry in dressing rooms. am i complaining? no,. ive just had to consciously make the decision to not shop every week : ]

starting p90x soon. we'll see how it goes. im not committing to 6 days a week because its hard, i dont want to, and ill get burnt out. i need to ease into it.

i should also login to sparkpeople again since i havent in months.

im off to check on the babe. he is teething, just moved into his own room and im sleeepy.

been bad.

seriously. today was at least 2500 cals.

going to buckle down. i made it to 195...and truth be told probably gained some back...but im soooo close. why frick it up by being stupid?


its go time. no dwelling on the past!

bad girl.

been a bad girl.

havent blogged.
in the past week have had muchas gracias. subway. pot roast. coffee. coffee. coffee. lack of water.

ive been bad.

i at one point went out to dinner and had chicken bruschetta burger, then topped it off with dessert chocolate pie, (holy crap i totally spaced i had chocolate and that was my lent thing. damn) and then ate chicken nuggest 30 mins later.
i totally fat kidded it.

meh. whatev.


its a new day today and a new week. whatever.

im okay with it. :]

just touching base. im still chubby, slightly flabby and here :]

but im BLESSED.