mommy therapy.

as the weeks go on, it gets more taxing. work that is.

thinking of the stress that goes on there, and how the most precious little boy is at home...makes me forget sometimes why i choose to be there instead of here. this week in particular. its been SO hard to not just walk away from it.
i love the idea of my job, but lately the actual job itself has become so hard mentally.

i desperately wanted to take saturday off with Beau to have a date day, all day. but alas, there isnt the option of a day off for another week.

sigh.

so the initial idea is that i would just relax ALL DAY, save for judes shot appt at 11:15...or so i thought.
i woke at 1000 and jude and cuddled for awhile...however, i was wrong. my appt was at 1030..argh. had to reschedule...thats all right. we'll play hooky from vaccinations and just relax for today...wrong again.

i got the hair up my butt to tidy up...a small amount. im not a clean person by any means, but i wiped down the counters, threw a load in the washer and decided we needed some supplies and i think ill go to the store. running "mommy" errands makes me feel so good inside. and it bring meaning to my job.
that job enables me to be a good mommy financially. lets face it...its a job that is hard on every single level, and the company knows it, thats why they pay 5$ above minimum wage to people without a college education.

im paid well for my time, and the good news is they cover quite a lot of counseling sessions through insurance too. the job pretty much drives me into therapy :] thats a fib, it drives me to mommy therapy.

im going to cuddle a bit with my boy, we are watching a basketball episode of sesame street (i think its funny how you can seriously get annoyed by elmo...until you have a kid who loves him...and then you love him and all his muppety monster friends).

so sesame street and cuddles, then maybe a trip to winco for some veggies we need; maybe ill crockpot a dinner for tonight.
then to the dollar store because i love it, (:]) grab some other necessities from target, hit up a thrift store or something, come back from our day and put jude down for a nap : ] or maybe we'll go feed the ducks. :]

i love being a mother.

ernie is on....im going to watch that cute chubby little bugger entertain my baby boy.


mommy therapy is MUCH cheaper and MUCH more satisfying than a real therapist : ] besides, its acceptable for me to cuddle with jude, not so much with a counselor :

again with the honesty...

i drank coffee BEFORE BREAKFAST so i could take advantage of its diuretic properties...it worked...and helped me to clear out some waste as well as adjust my weight. 201.
its legit. 21 more lbs to goal.

its getting closer, i think it might feel more real after im in the 100s rather than the 200s but look at me!!! look at this!

not only will i be at my goal by may, but i will look great for my friend Cs wedding in October that i am in, and also at my friend A's next year whose i am also in...this is fabulous.


i can do anything : ]

and another lb bites the dust...

the scale read 202 this morning.

im feeling better. but tonight, tonight is a special date night.

ive read somewhere that having a cheat night, a higher calorie meal than normal may be good for you metabolism.

you see, my wonderful beau and i are going to a trailblazers game. we have some of the best seats, the lexus club. this is where the ritzy people go to watch the game and it is all you can eat fully catered.

Beau had told me, NO healthy eating lol, but i truthfully cant just order something greasy and gross. i might just get myself some subway there...even if it is 11 dollars for a footlong.

im going to be completely truthful and forward in this blog, so if TMI sends you running...i'll see you later.

eating healthy can sometimes have not so positive effects. on any given day my Beau will spend about 30 minutes in the bathroom...my little sister lovingly calls her routine the "morning duke", yes yes foul mouthed and gross but lets face it...we all poop. i've become loads more comfortable with it since i actually am hands on in my sons poo at least twice a day.

i'm jealous. i don't have the regularity that others do.

matter o fact, i'd say maybe 3x a week is a good week for me...i want normal. i want regular.

i don't want to power through 3 cups of strong coffee just to wait for the kind effects of it.

sometimes, healthy eating doesnt always have the fiber it should for me. because i latch on to certain foods that are healthy that i like and eat them repeatedly....i.e. subway.

yes im guilty of not havign well rounded diet, instead i just eat what i like.

friend and i want to take a class, kickboxing or ballet, maybe spinning or yoga?
something that will kick our butt once a week while we incorporate more moving into the other 6 days...

lets see how it goes :]


any ideas on how to poo? let me know. 3/7 are not the greatest numbers. :]

thank you for listening to me talk about poo.

just a couple cool websites.

http://www.highproteinfoods.net/
this site talks about exactly what it claims...high protein foods.

according to a book im reading (eat this not that) those who ate high protein diets lost twice as much fat than those eating the same amount of calories as those on a low protein diet.

thats not too shabby. :] by the way

Eat This, Not That is AMAZING.

www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm
for the calorie calculator...tellign you what you need based on your age, sex, exercise level, etc.

caloriecount.about.com
this does what it claims also...counts the calories.

Sparkpeople.com is like the social networking for those who want to or have lost weight already : ]

love all of these.

today is starting off good.
i found myself, forgive me for being blunt, a little backed up. feelign sluggish and heavy.
had some coffee and some water, and am feelign great.

gotta watch those bananas kids, they will back you up if you eat one day even, after a few days you stop with the loss! yet in moderation they are great for you : ]

as i mentioned in the last posts, i gained 2 lbs back. im at 205. im determined to get under 200 by february 14th.
then i will have less than 20 lbs to go to my ultimate goal - 101 lbs lost.
its hard to keep motivation when you just want to stop. for example it was such a hard day mentally yesterday that i have in to about 250 calories in chocolate...sometimes we need to give in to temptation...but thats only sometimes.

im staying strong. ive started the day with black coffee adding some water and fat free creamer and a bowl of rice krisipies with splenda that i shared with my son. again i didnt drink the extra milk (though maybe i should to get more protein)
and im about to go for a workout at the Kroc Center.
bummed there is no swimming, but im going to make the most of it. last chance workout....Biggest Loser on tonight!


oh yes, and im going dress shopping for the game tomorrow night.


gotta be as sexy as i can be : ]


loves all.

have a healthy and happy day, and be thankful for it.

M.

sleepy.

im going to be honest, as much as i want to lie.

i gained 2 lbs. im back at 205 which is how i am forced to acknowledge eating will only get you so far if we dont exercise too.

tomorrow is a long day, kroc center, dress shopping for the blazer game, dentist (ack) and dinner plans.

im not excited about this whole thing, but im hoping that i get a load off and enjoy my weekend.

my workday was rough, and i found myself questioning my existence in the workplace. i had to conjure up thoughts of my son in order to forge ahead through the trials and tribulations.

i need to press on and press forward.
and i need to get under 200 lbs.

ill be excited when i can buy a dress without having to buy a matching cardigan.

sigh.

when i get tinier.

im saving my taxes...or some of them...and i have plans for when i am where i wanna be.

im going to buy all new underthings...the nice ones that you WANT people to see : ]

im going to buy leggings...like 5 pair.

im going to buy a sexy rexy new dress. something tighter, suggestive, but classy.

im going to buy a 50s style bathing suit and get dressed for a fun retro photoshoot with a friend.

im going to get a badass new haircut, choppy layers and something to frame the face.

Im going to buy some black skirts and adorable coverall dresses.

im going to get a new tattoo.

im going to get a mani pedi...and take my man out on the town, showing off my babe, my body, my confidence.


its going to be a good day. this mis my motivation...what is yours? what are YOU going to do?

tried this on for size...

so.
im not a cook. J is the chef. but i try.

this is amazing. i love it. i just quite literally threw onions in a pan with some 0 calorie olive oil cooking spray, cut up some zucchini, yellow and red bell peppers and fried em up. zucchinis take a bit longer to really cook, so about 5 minutes in i added a handful or two of frozen peas. i added some seasonings and after it was done, oh my word i had the best bowl of veggies.

and dang it, i love when i pick pieces up for j or it falls on em there is nothing to make a stain! :]

same with the crock pot. only i browned some beef stew meat as in just put it in a skillet until it turned a bit brown on each side...just a few minutes really, (they make meat cut specifically for stew...badass). i put it in the crockpot, added chopped celery, stewed tomatoes, undrained. tomato sauce, carrots cut into pieces,
bell peppers of different colors, zucchini, onions and such and just turned it on high.

we'll see if its as good as lunch.