Still trucking.

Silk haven't LOST weight,  but I'm trying to keep going.  Even though my average weight is 232 (higher than my 226 low the week I started this.) I am persevering.  I'm eating well, gluten free, little to no processed foods,  no red meat.  I'm trying.  Sometimes I stumble.  But I'm trying.  I'm working on my arms. I want nice shoulders with the dramatic drop and slope down the arm instead of arms that bow out.  I'm working on core like I never have before.  And I do cardio everyday. I try to run,  but be respectful of this shin splint. I'm truly trying and also trying to not get discouraged.  This is just life now.  And I have to teach narae that life is better and liner t when youre healthy.  Wish me luck!  And forgive the unflattering photos,  I just need s frame of reference for this time for when I'm done!

21 days in.

After a friends reaction to seeing me (not positive) and my pants not fitting, I weighed myself and it was bad. 

I gained 6lbsish.

I'm just defeated.

discouraged again?

so i tried on yet another pair of jeans today, and was very upset when the button wouldnt even reach its holey counterpart.

is my body betraying me? Who knows.

for the first time im really doing it right, giving myself great workouts and really good nutrition and im still having trouble.

I also had some stomach pain today, had just worked out my core real good 2 days prior and I have a gnarly shin splint that might be causing some water retention. So we shall see.

i felt defeated today but instead i sucked it up, went to the gym, and burned about 1200 calories and did some strength training.

My feet are ACHING!

Discouraged?

Im not weighing in. (not for lack of temptation!)
Im not measuring (not for lack of trying; i just cant find my tape!)
Im trying to see just fitness goals and how my fitness is evolving.

In 15 working out days (of the last 17 days) Ive been able to bring my mile time from around a 15 minute mile (probably just prior laziness) to a 12:17 mile.
I can run a little, jog a little, and finish 3.1 miles (a 5k for all you who are wondering) in under 45 minutes.

So why am i discouraged?

While trying to avoid seeing something negative and just focus on how my body is behaving, I have accidently found a bump. I needed to run anerrand today and i reached for the nearest pair of jeans. Now its been warm here, so I havent worn jeans in about 30 days. I have worn tights or dresses or skirts or shorts, no jeans. so I expected them to fit the same, maybe even a little looser, right?

WRONG.

they felt tight with my very own very familiar muffin top.

i immediately felt discouraged. they were so uncomfortable I had to take them off and find another outfit to wearand its been on my mind all day. My fingers feel swollen and my legs too. They feel stretched and uncomfortable.

I KNOW i need to keep at it.
thanks for my Accountability Partner Adam (even long distance friends can help weight loss!) he sent me this: http://blog.shareitfitness.com/2013/how-long-to-see-results-and-weight-loss/
and I feel a bit better. so much so that even though I was ANGRY at Gym. I stillwent and did some good cardio before coming home. I didnt do even a full 60 today, but I figure, i came, i went, i saw, i mini conquered, and i will defeat this defeat.

its only been 17 days.

theres plenty of time to see the new body emerge. :)

changing my mind and not just my body.

i have a lot to work on. 

not just the concept of changing my body, but also my mind. largely, the mind is getting worked on every day because of The Wall. Hitting it and going past it really helped. 

but here i am, 12 days in, and i have to take a day off because of my foot. I must have overextended it or something during a tall incline or to my run yesterday when i ran my first timed mile (normally i dont care about timing that much). 

but i KNOW i need a break. and because I have this complex that says that if im not doing cardio, its not progress, i feel like i need to be raising my heart rate at all times. I NEED to get past it. 

days off are okay. 

just because i take ONE DAY off to let my body recover, does not mean ill undo any progress or fall off the wagon. i need rest. 

I havent been the best mother today due to lack of sleep, and while the alone time to recover and get my patience back might be helpful, i think that working out and not getting enough sleep has hurt me in my mental clarity and effectveness. time for a break, but it wont defeat me. 

just a reminder.

something i put on fb about my postpartum body and outlook on its appearance:

 Im 17 months pp my second child, my beautiful girl. Im grateful for her, because of her i started truly looking at my body in a different light. While i do currently push towards a more fit body, i no longer look at the scale, no longer have a goal weight, and no longer allow myself to put myself down. how disparaging it is to say negative things, which does nothing to hurt the body in which they are aimed at, only the mind inside. I truly do embrace the parts of my body that wont change no matter how fit i get, the new breasts that nourished both her and my older son and their younger sibling when we expand our family, and these stretch marks that cover the midsection, little marks to remind myself of the incredible bond we got to share, 40 weeks prior to anyone else. i LOVE this body. Im working on making it stronger, but no longer do i focus on how much it weighs only what it can do. because ive seen it do some downright AMAZING things, and I am excited to see more. I want my girl to look at me in awe and wonder and see someone strong and dedicated to myself as well as her and her brother and father. that starts in me and has nothing to do with my body so much as it does my heart, my words, and my effort.

Name Change for the Game Changer

I decided to change the name. after a few years it seems silly, not that i have a roving list of followers.

but if im to expect this is real, i must treat it like this is the final chapter of weight loss and health and fitness and entering a new chapter of "life as it should be."

so here onward it shall be called Hitting My Wall!


this is a new focus. a new life. a new hope. a new dream. a new dedication. 

i wont let me down!