wow its been awhile.

ive been going through a lot mentally.

and physically.

and edibly.

lol.
i have been in pt for my back. and it hasnt been helping.
then
my grandfather in California passed away, Junes Dad, and i went for 5 days to be with my family.
J stayed home but little j came with me. 13 hour drives, no bueno for a 15 month old.

and lets just say my california family doesnt believe in diet food lol.

i came back and had a doctors appointment first thing in the morning.
it was hard to see 205 on the scale.
in a month plus i had gained 10 lbs.
then i got sick. ive been sick for 3 days and missed more work.

work is another story.
i dont know what to do.
i want out.

now with that mentality i must tell you i will NOT slack off because i am unhappy. instead i will make sure i take action to either find the culprit, or find an alternative. or both.

i put in an application at another job. and i want to be out. i'm even looking at part time.
calculating what i need and don't need.

i want more time with Jude.
i do want money, but its more important to me to spend time with Julian and be a mom. we will be having another child soon, and i want just julian time before hand.

im just confused, and the time i have had to spend from work the last 2 weeks has made me think.

i dont know what to do.

sigh.

but tomorrow is conan obrien!

i came back.