Explain later.

okay. its later.

this was me in december of 2005.

this was 2 months before my friend Shane passed away.

that is when i gained the real weight.

in this photo i was probably about 180? maybe 170?

the angle isnt the best but there are a few pictures throughout this blog from the same era.

i have finally identified that it was that event that catapulted me. i couldnt heal physically because in 2007, Jesse died. in 2009, Andy died.

it did nothing but perpetuated it.

i was able to get to 195 from dec 2008 to feb 2010 and im GOING to do it with this one. ill need prayer and willpower and strength. ill need my family there with me. ill need a lot to get through and not falter. but i wil. with my love and with my beautiful kids. i can get through it.

:]