haircut...

cut it too short. and this is forcing me to lose weight. gotta love the science in my noggin eh?

round 199

got under 200 again.

yes that is right after the morning pee :]

i look forward to being under 20 right before bed when my belly is fully is full.

today i took J to the farmers market in Portland (holla to ya Krugers)

and we spent 20$ on some good fresh greens and colors.

im grateful to show him such good things.

the raw food is still going. eating at least 50%.

i still drink caffeine which is something most raws dont.

i also had cooked corn today. YUM.

its important to do what feels right and moral to you, as long as it doesnt affect anyone else.

to me, it feels right to drink water and sometimes have coffee, to eat plums and grapes and apricots and strawberries.

it feels good to put a little smart balance on my corn.

and it feels good to feel GOOD after eating.

:]

i eat and eat and eat and its still not pushing it. and even when im STUFFED i feel like i made good choices.

i wish everyone would try it, just to see the way their bodies feel after even 3 days just eating 75% raw. :] even just 75% vegetarian!

life is beautiful, so am i, so is my son, and the world.

loves!

when i update next i vow to be another lb...or just have something important to say.

food cravings.

ill be honest here.

stopped birth control many a moon ago,

but i can assure you, im not pregnant. i wanted hormones away from me.

to help with weight loss.

besides im a single mum slash student who just got a part time job, no time for debauchery!

but i have been having the WORST cravings ever.

like ice cream, days in a row.

then today, a hamburger.

its difficult. but im working on it.

im getting that body damn it.

am i an emotional eater?

worst day.

well...worst of the past 3 worst days.

so i celebrated it by eating a crap ton of ice cream. in front of the tv.

my body hadnt had it in MONTHS and i threw up immediately.

i dont regret it.

im proud of my body for disagreeing with what my mind wants.

its gonna be a long month.

ups and downs.

had a couple ups and a couple downs. did the raw food thing for 2 weeks and dropped a few lbs. but this was never meant to be a permanent thing, so of course a lb or 2 came back.

i feel good. immersing myself in school. waiting on financial aid. doing my step aerobics class. pulling all nighters for Spanish class.

hoping for a trip to Mexico in October.

hoping for lots of things.

have a job interview Monday.

the world is my oyster. :]

i hope i can keep being smart. i had a horrible dinner tonight, like it was so bad for me i got the sweats.

im still about 50% raw food but also started eating some tuna and pickles as part of it. that cras got like Protein up the wazoo!

anyhow. im going now.

Chau!

raw food

i have started a raw food diet.

not to lose weight, but as a way of life and i will likely be staying vegetarian.

i havent updated here recently. i have recently found such spiritual enlightenment that my mind has been elsewhere.

but i will post pictures. i played hooky from kickboxing today to recuperate. and i have kickboxing class in another 7 hours basically.

wahoo.

im easing into it.

not cutting out caffeine cold turkey and leaving a little milk since im doing some strenuous exercise.

but adding more water, more tea, more good foods. i feel great! i can tell my body wants what it used to have and it is motivation to get rid of it :]

ill check back soon!

whoa...

right after a haircut. early 2010.
this is the smallest i think i have gotten in over 5 years. this was about march 2010 and right after this i gained about 20 lbs back. if you slack...it comes back. be GOOD.

i love feeling beautiful.
when i was bigger...i did NOT wear dresses by choice.
i can find em in my size now!
this i believe was a size 12 regular dress. (eff you bridal sizes)
november 2009
size 14 november 2009
having fun, because i felt GREAT
the feeling i remember i had that day i will feel again :]

damn i looked good.
at a blazer game...november 2009.
round november 2009 also. the jeans look MUCH better here than below eh?
something. sometimes.
morning time.
october 29th 2009. right before it started to really come off :]
i dont know when this was...but these jeans i believe were the size 16s :]
im amazing at getting goood angles.
sometimes you have to lose shame to gain motivation.
oh my word.
right after my tattoo i think early september 2009.
September 2009.
also september i think. having fun with angles ;]
it was a long car ride and i got bored.
J's daddy and i.
summertime at a baseball game.
chubby me and little bug.
decent photo i spose.
oh my word. bad angle much?
oye.
this one boggles my mind. he was pretty new here i think. less than 5 months old for suresies.
:]
i think about 4 months postpartum?

ha i love his face and am shocked by mine.
whoa.

thats all i have to say.

just going through pics from the memory card on my phone.

oh my word. here are some in a very random order through the past 18 months.

it has been such a transformation and we arent done yet. we have 32 lbs to go. thats right. im openly admitting that i have gone from 281 to 195 in 14 months only to go back up to 215 from March 2010-June 2010. its on now.

its 180 or bust.

i want to say ive lost 100 lbs and be truthful :]

and then get to the 168 region so that i dont have to ever be above 181 ever again...cept when i have another child :]

i love life.