gah.
so im trying to keep a level head, but i want it to be on the record that my post surgery weight skyrocketed to 239.8. on thursday 09.13.2012 i was 225 (226 as of my appt time) so i gained a total of 14.8 lbs.
i was so worried about this that it put a real damper on mine and my sweets anniversary. 5 years, yesterday!
and he looked SO handsome in his date outfit, i was just smitten.
but i felt so beneath him, you know i felt so fat and unattractive and like my word was undone. and in that moment it is VERY hard to tell yourself it will go down. its hard to tell yourself its TEMPORARY and its hard to believe you wont have to do it all over again. its amazing how different i think i looked.
here is a picture from last Sunday 09.9
look how AMAZING my partner looks! he has lost 35 lbs!
i was recovering from surgery, and still nursing, and it was our anniversary, so we didnt track. we had small indulgences, we dont regret it. i spent a lot of the day internalizing my feelings. i was so uncomfortable in my skin. i felt so...unhealthy! i felt as though i looked pregnant. i was wearing a cute maxi dress, that just seemed to fall at the wrong spots. its such a beautiful dress otherwise.
i know itll go away. i know it. whether it falls off like it should or i have to rework off those 14.8 lbs, i will make them go away.
i cried inside, and had to hide my insecurities until they simmered down long enough for me to overcome them and have a great time with him. he is wonderful, and im so grateful we are going from fat to healthy together.
this is just my proof. this will be one entry i look back on and say "ha. it went away!"
:)
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