the day i birthed julian - 281 lbs
ten days after birthing maya 288 lbs
and some updates!
April 2012
226 lbs
215ish
212 - wearing skinny jeans and boots! WHAT?!
November 212 more realistic :)
December Face :)
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
links to pictures!
the day i birthed julian - 281 lbs
ten days after birthing maya 288 lbs
and some updates!
I have NEGLECTED YOU! eeeeek!
well to be honest i have also neglected myself.
i got in such a rut that i worked hard in november and didnt lose anyting THE WHOLE MONTH. then suddenly, in early december, 4 lbs DROPPED off of my persons rather suddenly, and welcomely. however i got complacent as one does on super long projectsand it came back. im now holding steady at 212 again.
a few things that have changed? i stopped eating fantastic because nothing was happening...well after those 4 lbs came off i didnt get exactly remotivated. so getting back on will help.
also its winter. in oregon. something i LOVE but means that its hard to exercise. and im nto just making excuses. its too cold to exercise WITH the kids, and by the time my husband is off work and i could go..its dark and im a weenie.
my poor bike hasnt been ridden and i want to! i need to find something.
Biggest Loser starts back up in Jan! with Jillian and Bob and Dolvett i bet ill shed a few lbs.
im a "groomslady" in one of my best friend Matt's Wedding on june 15th. im setting a goal. here and now. December 19th, 2012 that in 6 months at his wedding i WILL be 180 lbs or better.
he deserves beautiful wedding photos and as a girl im already going to stand out in them, i should be at my best shape! its very important!
i have some support and help in this.
i have 4 challenges and support going right now.
Emily - started when i was 232 goal to get to 50 lbs lost. whoever wins gets free drinks!
Amanda - whoever gets to 180 first gets drinks! (im not an alcoholic i sweari just didnt want it to be a challenge for dinner or anything like that)
Kim - my sister and i are at a race to lose 13 lbs (that would put me around 199) by my girls first birthday.
Melissa - we are both on a mission to support each other as we seek out the coveted goal weight and body of that of a 175 lber. we can do it! you know, if we put our backs into it. :)
i know what i want and i deserve it.
yesterday i was eating HORRIBLY, like it was my "before" life.
graham crackers with peanut butter and marshmellows, pb and banana sammiches. (I LOVE PEANUTBUTTER).
just not good stuff.
also...here is some TMI. enjoy :)
i recently invested ina hopeful tea, (3 ballerina tea) to aid in my digestion. you may have heard of it as a dieters aid, but i assure you i am not going that route, i simply want to have a bit of a cleanse. my system needs that shock, it needs that assistance to get back on track. it has been sluggish and slow and uncomfortable.
unfortunately, despite rave reviews about its crazy "side effect" of making a person cramp horribly and relieve themselves within about 6 hours...that did NOT happen to me. there was no drastic need to run to the restroom where i would stay for an hour...nay, this did NOT happen. i tried a second day...nothing. sigh.
one day maybe when i up the fruits and vegetables again.
im doing amazing at water drinking! i get in quite a bit now. that makes me happy. i dont drink or need Mio or any flavored water beverage.
im just doing well, and why fuckit up because i got complacent? i KNOW that if i keep working, the body will come. look how far ive come already! time to get back on the horse so i can not be a cow anymore. im worth it! :)
i got in such a rut that i worked hard in november and didnt lose anyting THE WHOLE MONTH. then suddenly, in early december, 4 lbs DROPPED off of my persons rather suddenly, and welcomely. however i got complacent as one does on super long projectsand it came back. im now holding steady at 212 again.
a few things that have changed? i stopped eating fantastic because nothing was happening...well after those 4 lbs came off i didnt get exactly remotivated. so getting back on will help.
also its winter. in oregon. something i LOVE but means that its hard to exercise. and im nto just making excuses. its too cold to exercise WITH the kids, and by the time my husband is off work and i could go..its dark and im a weenie.
my poor bike hasnt been ridden and i want to! i need to find something.
Biggest Loser starts back up in Jan! with Jillian and Bob and Dolvett i bet ill shed a few lbs.
im a "groomslady" in one of my best friend Matt's Wedding on june 15th. im setting a goal. here and now. December 19th, 2012 that in 6 months at his wedding i WILL be 180 lbs or better.
he deserves beautiful wedding photos and as a girl im already going to stand out in them, i should be at my best shape! its very important!
i have some support and help in this.
i have 4 challenges and support going right now.
Emily - started when i was 232 goal to get to 50 lbs lost. whoever wins gets free drinks!
Amanda - whoever gets to 180 first gets drinks! (im not an alcoholic i sweari just didnt want it to be a challenge for dinner or anything like that)
Kim - my sister and i are at a race to lose 13 lbs (that would put me around 199) by my girls first birthday.
Melissa - we are both on a mission to support each other as we seek out the coveted goal weight and body of that of a 175 lber. we can do it! you know, if we put our backs into it. :)
i know what i want and i deserve it.
yesterday i was eating HORRIBLY, like it was my "before" life.
graham crackers with peanut butter and marshmellows, pb and banana sammiches. (I LOVE PEANUTBUTTER).
just not good stuff.
also...here is some TMI. enjoy :)
i recently invested ina hopeful tea, (3 ballerina tea) to aid in my digestion. you may have heard of it as a dieters aid, but i assure you i am not going that route, i simply want to have a bit of a cleanse. my system needs that shock, it needs that assistance to get back on track. it has been sluggish and slow and uncomfortable.
unfortunately, despite rave reviews about its crazy "side effect" of making a person cramp horribly and relieve themselves within about 6 hours...that did NOT happen to me. there was no drastic need to run to the restroom where i would stay for an hour...nay, this did NOT happen. i tried a second day...nothing. sigh.
one day maybe when i up the fruits and vegetables again.
im doing amazing at water drinking! i get in quite a bit now. that makes me happy. i dont drink or need Mio or any flavored water beverage.
im just doing well, and why fuckit up because i got complacent? i KNOW that if i keep working, the body will come. look how far ive come already! time to get back on the horse so i can not be a cow anymore. im worth it! :)
Friday, November 23, 2012
hmmm update?
wellllll lets see. things have been a bit hectic here some days, calm the others.
im 212 now, 76 lbs down! but i havent budged in weeks and today being thanksgiving im SURE didnt help. thats okay.
a friend recently sized down (yay for her and also i wont lie im jealous of her 20 lbs smaller than me frame!) and she gave me all of her size 16 and XL clothes...they all fit fantastically...matter o fact, i successfully wore a flattering pair of size 16 skinny jeans...ive never worn a pair before and i was nervous, but i dig em!
i havent been able to exercise...correction, havent found MUCH time or much motivation with it being so rainy, i cant ride my bike much, and i have the littles with me all day so my options are limited to WALKING. which isnt bad but i want more than that!
im sure ill find a balance and maybe get motivated to play my biggest loser game or something.
actually thats going to help! biggest loser is coming back on and i always seem to lose weight watching every week. :)
i have been doing full time school, "work" which is really an unpaid volunteer internship thingy, and mothering and somedays im ehausted and some days i have no time for me things, thats okay im enjoying things!
i chopped off my hair, and im amazed at how much thinner it makes me look. i for sure thought the opposite. but no no, it shows off the work ive done in my shoulders and it shows off the work ive done to my jawline, MUCH more flattering than my hair before which left my face looking chubby and my shoulders more broad! and j loves it...cant go wrong there :)
i havent been tracking, and i can tell that has played a role in my plateau, also it seems like i plateau every 10 or so lbs, so i know its just the process. for sure though i was NOT responsible foodwise this thanksgiving...and im expecting a 1 lb return as well as a couple lbs of water weight from the sodium and just lots of food to digest.
im learning a LOT in my nutrition class, the hardest class ever mind you, and im trying to incorporate it. we'll see how it goes :)
im excited for the next 7 months. my best friend gets married in June, and I will be there obviously, and likely wearing a svelte pants suit, so i have no choice but to look amazing! :)
anyhow, thats whats been up here. i promise you few readers this, that i WILL get better at tracking and get some exercise in and im going to get my goal...complacency has no place in health :)
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
For you, Miss Kathy.
sigh, i wish that i could say this post will be 100% positive. but it starts from a real dark place.
a good friend of mine is going through his own personal hell.
his beautiful wife Kathy, has just passed away after an insanely brilliant battle against cancer. diagnosed right after her 25th birthday, she was found to have stage III uterine/cervical cancer. at TWENTY FIVE. she had cancer before her 25th birthday. thats just bananas. anyhow, this beautiful woman courageously and fearlessly fought back against it, and documented her thoughts
here on her blog.
from diagnosis to her passing was less than a year, and what started as a very hopeful "this can be cured" plummetted to a possible "2 years" with a possibility of overcoming it.
she found herself on vacxation, and very hopeful, with her husband in early september, and she left this world on October 8th. it spiraled so quickly. i dont have much of the details after her last post, as its not something i wanted to discuss in detail with her husband as he struggled for hope, positivity, and light.
but it made me rethink EVERYTHING.
ive been worrying about a number.
ive been worrying about WEIGHT.
"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" i would think.
FUCK THAT.
im done with that mentality.
nothing tastes as good as HEALTHY feels.
and there is nothing healthy feeling about downing a pint of ice cream when your sad.
there is nothing healthy about eating a whole bag of chips.
there is nothing healthy about a 16oz steak being polished off in one sitting.
there is nothing healthy about soda.
there is nothing healthy about the fat ive allowed to collect on my body.
there is nothing healthy about it.
there is nothing healty about how i USED to live.
ive been at a standstill. ive been retaining water for some reason unbeknownst to me and up until NOW i was FRUSTRATED.
but instead of getting angry the numbers arent going down. i am PRAISING that i am ALIVE.
and instead of anger, im concerned. why is my body feeling the need to hold on to this? am i putting something in it that it is upset about? is it needing more from me?
i need to start looking at my body as what it is. my BODY. this thing that gave my children life. that gives ME life. it contains my heart, my organs, my lungs, my everything. i get ONE body.
so for the last few days ive been eating lots of fruits and vegetables, raw foods.
ive cut the rockstars out. (i admit, im keeping coffee...but in my defense, lots of studies show coffee to be a good addition to a healthy diet at times!). im drinking tons of lemon water every day. im eating GOOD foods. cutting out the wheat (in case its an intolerance, but also just to be more organic and healthy). im watching my body, listening to my body, and i know that by LIVING HEALTHY, i will, as a byproduct, get thinner. and that will be icing on the metaphorical cupcake.
im going to live, to honor her. i did not know her well; i only met her a couple times through her husband. but i followed her blogs to answer questions i was too scared and concerned to ask her husband. and im going to do things the way she does. im going to live. no more bargaining "i can have this...i deserve it" kinda mentality. im going to go someone what off the grid in calorie counting, and only track things that arent 100% in line with healthy eating. why trasck a pear? why track an apple? im not going to look at these foods as anything other than fuel.
this body was gifted to me. im going to treat it right, because my soul cant stay on this earth without it.
additionally, i need to be healthy to give myself to others: as a surrogate (if that is still possible) as a bone marrow donor, as a blood donor, anything i can do for others from my own body, im going to do.
for you miss Kathy.
im going to live right. im going to take care of this body. im going to teach my baby girl to look after hers. im going to be an example.
bless you. bless your fighting spirit that i am adopting. bless your family, your husband. bless YOU. you are wonderful, and you will never be forgotten. i can see your mark on this world. and im taking a piece of you for myself. maybe crocheting those preemie blankets you mentioned? maybe just taking some pins off your pinterest and making them come to life for someone :)
im going to take you with me, and im going to fight the cancer for you and wear that peach ribbon.
much love Mrs P.
thank you for showing me that i shouldnt wait. i shouldnt wait for that eye opening moment to change my life. i shouldnt focus on thin. i should focus on HEALTHY. and give myself what I and my body deserves: and that is simple: a Long Healthy Life.
much much love and eternal respect.
rest sweetly.
RachelMay.
a good friend of mine is going through his own personal hell.
his beautiful wife Kathy, has just passed away after an insanely brilliant battle against cancer. diagnosed right after her 25th birthday, she was found to have stage III uterine/cervical cancer. at TWENTY FIVE. she had cancer before her 25th birthday. thats just bananas. anyhow, this beautiful woman courageously and fearlessly fought back against it, and documented her thoughts
here on her blog.
from diagnosis to her passing was less than a year, and what started as a very hopeful "this can be cured" plummetted to a possible "2 years" with a possibility of overcoming it.
she found herself on vacxation, and very hopeful, with her husband in early september, and she left this world on October 8th. it spiraled so quickly. i dont have much of the details after her last post, as its not something i wanted to discuss in detail with her husband as he struggled for hope, positivity, and light.
but it made me rethink EVERYTHING.
ive been worrying about a number.
ive been worrying about WEIGHT.
"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" i would think.
FUCK THAT.
im done with that mentality.
nothing tastes as good as HEALTHY feels.
and there is nothing healthy feeling about downing a pint of ice cream when your sad.
there is nothing healthy about eating a whole bag of chips.
there is nothing healthy about a 16oz steak being polished off in one sitting.
there is nothing healthy about soda.
there is nothing healthy about the fat ive allowed to collect on my body.
there is nothing healthy about it.
there is nothing healty about how i USED to live.
ive been at a standstill. ive been retaining water for some reason unbeknownst to me and up until NOW i was FRUSTRATED.
but instead of getting angry the numbers arent going down. i am PRAISING that i am ALIVE.
and instead of anger, im concerned. why is my body feeling the need to hold on to this? am i putting something in it that it is upset about? is it needing more from me?
i need to start looking at my body as what it is. my BODY. this thing that gave my children life. that gives ME life. it contains my heart, my organs, my lungs, my everything. i get ONE body.
so for the last few days ive been eating lots of fruits and vegetables, raw foods.
ive cut the rockstars out. (i admit, im keeping coffee...but in my defense, lots of studies show coffee to be a good addition to a healthy diet at times!). im drinking tons of lemon water every day. im eating GOOD foods. cutting out the wheat (in case its an intolerance, but also just to be more organic and healthy). im watching my body, listening to my body, and i know that by LIVING HEALTHY, i will, as a byproduct, get thinner. and that will be icing on the metaphorical cupcake.
im going to live, to honor her. i did not know her well; i only met her a couple times through her husband. but i followed her blogs to answer questions i was too scared and concerned to ask her husband. and im going to do things the way she does. im going to live. no more bargaining "i can have this...i deserve it" kinda mentality. im going to go someone what off the grid in calorie counting, and only track things that arent 100% in line with healthy eating. why trasck a pear? why track an apple? im not going to look at these foods as anything other than fuel.
this body was gifted to me. im going to treat it right, because my soul cant stay on this earth without it.
additionally, i need to be healthy to give myself to others: as a surrogate (if that is still possible) as a bone marrow donor, as a blood donor, anything i can do for others from my own body, im going to do.
for you miss Kathy.
im going to live right. im going to take care of this body. im going to teach my baby girl to look after hers. im going to be an example.
bless you. bless your fighting spirit that i am adopting. bless your family, your husband. bless YOU. you are wonderful, and you will never be forgotten. i can see your mark on this world. and im taking a piece of you for myself. maybe crocheting those preemie blankets you mentioned? maybe just taking some pins off your pinterest and making them come to life for someone :)
im going to take you with me, and im going to fight the cancer for you and wear that peach ribbon.
much love Mrs P.
thank you for showing me that i shouldnt wait. i shouldnt wait for that eye opening moment to change my life. i shouldnt focus on thin. i should focus on HEALTHY. and give myself what I and my body deserves: and that is simple: a Long Healthy Life.
much much love and eternal respect.
rest sweetly.
RachelMay.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Self portraits
i glanced in the mirror and suddenly my chin wasnt a fat chin..it was a "im gettin thinner chin".
my hair was "playfully bedheady" and i felt pretty.
could also be the vicodin from the freak injury i had yesterday.
but im gonna say its me...being gorgeous!:)
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