this is getting old...lets try something new....

im not a fan of this whole ordeal.

i weighed myself today.

either my last weigh in of 28#s lost was wrong, and it was actually only 18#s lost...or ive gained 10 lbs. i really want to believe that it was the former. but really is either of them a positive story? regardless the reason, i have 90 lbs to lose to my real goal.
i just feel defeated sometimes.
im 270 lbs.
EW!!!!!

i NURSE EXCLUSIVELY!!! I CUT OUT ALL DAIRY!!!
 i should be getting some help with this shit man!
im concerned my post partum thyroiditis has returned. im also concerned it hasnt.

J bought me the biggest loser game. ill be starting it on a day that ISNT 80 degrees out. (hey oregon. i LOVE the rain!)
i also made a good choice tonight.
i had a sammich (no cheese) and a banana for dinner.


the most disgusting part would have to be the walking.yesterday we went on a walk to the fire station for a birthday party. i carried Ms carseat the whole way, so i was walking with about 15lbs in my arms, and wearing flip flops. not a good choice. but today, my legs HURT.
i feel lame that my legs hurt.
short stupid walk.
stupid legs.

GET IN SHAPE!
without me trying hard dammit.
yeah its irrational. but what do you expect?
ive already fought this fight once. i hate that i have to start over.

but you know what? i have the CUTEST excuse for starting over again.


i love my maya narae.

crepes! i did it.

small goals...large goals...

it doesnt matter the size, but rather the weight of what they mean.

prior to having j, i would get on a machine and in 5 minutes need to stop. i wasnt 400 lbs, but i was out of shape. j keeps me in shape. not thin or lean, but in shape, way moreso than before.

today i went to the gym.

my partner wasnt able to accompany me, but i pressed on. and im glad i did.

i accomplished a goal of mine.

i stayed on the elliptical for 60 minutes jogging today.

i am not able to run without getting winded and i feel sometimes like im going to throw up, but today, without any motivation i did it.

with my MyTouch blaring Break As We Fall (their album If You're Lonely is available now on iTunes and breakaswefall.com) i just went.

and pushed myself to go where i havent ever gone.

i know it probably sounds silly to those of you who can do it without a problem. but for the fluffies out there, the chubbies, even the thin but out of shape...60 minutes is HUGE!

i continued my workout after with some weight training.

i feel good.

made some healthy decisions for dinner (not the tastiest...tasted like paper...wont be trying that again anytime soon), and will continue to make good decisions as the Biggest loser records on the dvr tonight.

:]

yes folks that picture says over one hour and nearly 500 calories.

it should also come with a big fat medal.

Pain is temporary, Pride is forever.

and damn i feel proud.

you can do it! start small and celebrate your successes!

5 minutes, 10, 15, 20, 30, 45, 55, 60.

you can!