that burp tasted of guilt...

yeah the subject is a little grosser than anyone would imagine.

here's how today went.

woke up went to work, ate a single serving of total whole grain with lowfat milk.

good choice. about 235 calories.

for lunch had a ream of wheat saltines with healthy choice 200 calorie per can chicken noodle soup.

still not too bad. about 550 calories. good choice.

on my lunch today, when i normally work out if the plan isnt going to the gym after work, i didnt work out. the past 5 days have left me exhausted. a day off isnt bad. its not a bad choice. rest is good, even when you arent doing hardcore workouts. it was 5 days of at least 30 mins cardio elliptical or bike. and i needed a break. good choice. i wasnt going tot he gym tonight anyway; i had a team outing planned for my team at work.

dinner came the tough part. the team outing was at red robin.

i was smart; as per my wonderful inspiration in Bob and Jillian from The Biggest Loser, i checked out the menu ahead of time by my trusty friend:

www.dwlz.com (short for dottis weight loss zone, thats how i remember the acronym. this website is awesome, on top of just finding tips n tricks and support up the arse, you will find a nearly completely and regularly updated restaurant list with their menu and meals caloried out for ya with fat and protein grams also provided. also this includes weight watchers points for almost every item...if you are a weight watchers points member.)

i checked out...red robin.

HOLY CREPES! i had NO idea my typical meal there was like this.

im a predictable person. i will fidn a good meal at a restaurant and get the same thing almost every time i go. routine is nice.

here is what my OLD usual meal would be: (courtesy of dwlz.com)

Teriyaki Chicken Burger (900 cal/47g fat/3g fiber/65g carbs/55g protein)

not to mention the steak fries that come with the gourmet burgers at around 400 calories a SERVING.

today i decided to be better. i like garden burgers, being a former vegetarian, so i opted for this choice:

The Garden Burger (578 cal/18g fat/10g fiber/63g carbs/22g protein

it was still keeping me within my recommended calories and not depriving me of a good burger.

i wish i had stopped there.

sometimes God (or whichever belief you believe in) gives you an :out" prior to making bad decisions. mine came in the form of being offered veggies as a side, veggies that i dont really like. i opted for the fries intending to stick with the small serving with the burgers, about 6 fries.

i didnt. i proactively asked for more, and the waiter came back stating the fries were just getting cooked and would be right out. i COULD have said no thanks.

i didnt.

when they came out STEAMIGN hot. i COULD have decided not to eat them. they werent any additional cost.

i didnt choose to forgo them.

so i ate about at least 500 calories in fries...If. Not. More.

i still try to not feel bad. i declined the alcoholic drink i was planning on having.

but i know i need to buckle down. i drank only about 32 oz of water today.

im going to bloat.

i need to get this right and get it right now.

i cant afford this in my life. i want to be healthy. i want to be 167 lbs.

i dont need to be rail thin. and if come 185 lbs i feel awesome, ill tone down the workouts and just work at maintaining my weight loss. but im not happy at 215. and after the past couple days...i bet i gained a little. im going to work at this. im GOING to get it right.

i think i'm going to set the goal of at least 185 by June 2010.

God Help me.

I'm going to need it.

crepes! i did it.

small goals...large goals...

it doesnt matter the size, but rather the weight of what they mean.

prior to having j, i would get on a machine and in 5 minutes need to stop. i wasnt 400 lbs, but i was out of shape. j keeps me in shape. not thin or lean, but in shape, way moreso than before.

today i went to the gym.

my partner wasnt able to accompany me, but i pressed on. and im glad i did.

i accomplished a goal of mine.

i stayed on the elliptical for 60 minutes jogging today.

i am not able to run without getting winded and i feel sometimes like im going to throw up, but today, without any motivation i did it.

with my MyTouch blaring Break As We Fall (their album If You're Lonely is available now on iTunes and breakaswefall.com) i just went.

and pushed myself to go where i havent ever gone.

i know it probably sounds silly to those of you who can do it without a problem. but for the fluffies out there, the chubbies, even the thin but out of shape...60 minutes is HUGE!

i continued my workout after with some weight training.

i feel good.

made some healthy decisions for dinner (not the tastiest...tasted like paper...wont be trying that again anytime soon), and will continue to make good decisions as the Biggest loser records on the dvr tonight.

:]

yes folks that picture says over one hour and nearly 500 calories.

it should also come with a big fat medal.

Pain is temporary, Pride is forever.

and damn i feel proud.

you can do it! start small and celebrate your successes!

5 minutes, 10, 15, 20, 30, 45, 55, 60.

you can!

a little backstory about my big backside.

I am almost 23.

i've worked at a desk job for almost 5 years.

and I just had a baby 10 months ago.

I have a family history of Diabetes and Thyroid problems.

this is not a great equation.

I, like most fluffy adults, had a problem from adolescence.

i was a leaner kid, but enter middle school and high school and it got the best of me.

i had some self esteem issues, and ill be honest, ended up with some bad eating habits...and disorders.

i cleaned up though and entered age 18 at a new job working for a wireless company call center.

i was 5 ft9'' and about 175 lbs...165 if you look at my license. this was June of 2005.

i wasnt rail thin but i wasnt very fluffy. i was healthy.

by January 2008 i was 235 lbs, and started to exercise and eat healthy to lose weight so my love and i could try for a baby. i got down to 220 by April when i found out i was pregnant.

Exercised moderately for 7 months...until i started to feel HORRIBLE. i hardly gained at all until then, but then this raging appetite and lbs of water weight packed on. i was gaining at one point 12 lbs between 2 week appointments. doctor said it was water weight but as my pregnancy gain reached 60 lbs i was so disheartened.

When i went in for labor and delivery after my water broke in December 2008 i was 281 lbs. another 9 lbs of weight from swelling and water weight and IV drips brought me to 290 before i had him.

i weighted almost 300 lbs at 5'10'' and 22 years old!

shortly after j was born i experienced the tragic loss of a friend of mine, the third friend in 3 years.

i started to eat healthy and exercise to drop the weight, and miraculously i dropped 70 lbs by April 2009! it was cake! i had energy up the wazoo.

i kept up the healthy lifestyle, but plateaued.

then gained 13 lbs in 2 weeks.

started experiencing muscle pain and incredible fatigue and i couldnt figure it out. neither could the doctors. my thyroid levels were up...then down...the rheumatologist showed no rheumatoid arthritis. they were stumped.

for 3 months i felt this way every waking moment. but in July, i met a wonderful doctor who figured it out. my endocrinologist explained i had Postpartum thyroiditis. a skyrocket in thyroid hormones and then a plummet shortly after. it explained everything, and explained why i kept gaining. some days were horrible. id feel so bad that i was eatign right and exercising, and still gaining that some days i would binge. one day i was so pissed i ate 5 donuts on top of my normal food.

the thing about PPT is after a year it typically goes away...but for some, especially women who have family history...it might stay and you end with hypothyroidism forever. we started hormone thyroid medication. and now its a waiting game. to get my levels retested after J is a year old.

Biggest loser is my favorite show.

i watch it every week and sit on my yoga ball watching in awe...wishing i could quit my job and exercise. i recently learned their intake is 1200 in 6000 out per day in calories or something like that. not so sure i could do that.

but i recently started working out.

and it really helps to hear Jillian Michaels and Bob Harpers voices ring in my head....

this is my blog.

this is me trying to overcome this plateau and get the right motions happening.

i am currently yo yoing between 215 and 225

and i want back that 175.

i dont need 130 lbs.

i dont need a size 2.

i dont WANT that either.

those doctors may say my healthy weight is 135 lbs...i say screw it. i never appreciated 175 as much as i do now. i looked good. lean. firm.

to be honest, i dont care what the weight is if i could get into a size 10, i'd be a happy camper.

this is all about things i learn...mistakes i make and successes i achieve.

feel free to give me advice...

this is a topic i dont mind uncolicited advice about ; ]

but im only doing this the healthy way.

calorie counting, exercising. making smart choices...

im gonna do it.