motivation.

hard work.

determination.

Damn he's hot.

those are the things runnign through my mind when i see these pictures.

and then i remember...

if he were here he would tell me

STOP making excuses.

do what you can do REALISTICALLY without harming yourself or your child.

dont lose weight. its not all about being skinny. its about HEALTHY CHOICES that CHANGE MY LIFE. that MAKE ME the BEST MOM and allow me to grow a HEALTHY girl.

:]

i love you bobbo. (i miss you jillian...)

baby fat

So as ive mentioned before i have gained mroe weight than i have wanted, and i have been eating a LOT healthier.

ive been keeping myh eye on the prize, a healthy baby girl come february, and then a plan of attack to get rid of whatever i gain.

i acknowledge that it is not put on overnight, but over 40 weeks, and so whatever i gain, i resolve to lose in 40 weeks. i know that my baby eats what i eat, and am trying to fill it with good stuff. i refuse to be sad that i am feeding myself, my body and my baby with greens and wheats.

i know where i can improve. its my beverages for sure. i crave drinks! juices and mt dew (i know i know i can hear jillian michaels getting pissed at me from here) and the fact that while my body doesnt agree with warm cheap low calorie at home coffee...its totally in agreeane with frappuccinos. ive been doing no whip and non fat but still...i need to cut down. so i will.

my body is telling me what it is going to do for my baby. im going to trust nature and not my confused brain.

as long as im giving it good fuel and being more active...and making sure to get in my water, i know i will be successful. the goal is keeping this little precious girl in there for longer, so she can grow.

ive made it through almost 23 weeks, and i feel SO good knowing that if i can make it through another 1-5 weeks...heaven forbid she comes early...there is a chance. it may eb one in a million, but there is a chance she will be all right.

the longer the better. i dont have any reason as of yet to think that she will not stay until 37 weeks. but a friend of mine recently delivered, for no good reason, at 27 weeks...and i need to be prepared for the unpredictable.

today i do Yoga.

i should have been doing it more in the last 23 weeks, instead of only once. but i have 17 weeks left until my due date.

17 weeks left until Feb 14th 2012.

i have 17 weeks of yoga and healthy eating and good choices to make to impact my daughter and change my life to give her the best shot possible.

love this positivity.

i have had to take vicodin for some torn muscles and muscle spasms for the last 1.5 weeks. i havent even taken one today and i feel cloudy and slightly out of it. time to wean myself off and see how im feeling.

i dont like this foggy haze im in.

im keeping my head int he game, watching biggest loser and talking to people, making healthy choices.

i need some Green Giant Steamers...those things are awesome. great, thanks Bob Harper, now im freaking craving cheesy broccoli.

watching season 7 and seeing Tara Costa, knowing that in 2008 i believe, she was on this show at 294 and she JUST completed an Ironman...this is so incredibly motivating, she won 8 challenges and never fell below the yellow line. she lost double digits almost every single week. she worked HARD. Kristin from this season lost all this weight, at over 300 lbs down to a healthy enough weight to get pregnant and have the baby she wanted so badly.

the winner of this season was Helen, a woman in her 50s! how incredible all of this is.

eeeesh!

okay so its been awhile. sue me, im pregnant.

no joke ive been eating pretty healthily. i have no desire for ice cream or chocolate, and have only had sweets like that maybe a handful of times in this pregnancy. ive craved salads and tomatoes yet still ive gained more than my share. i truly believe, without any excuses, that this is how my body reacts to pregnancy. i will also admit that i have not exercised much. with back pain and nausea and now a holy moly head cold, it sucks balls to do anything exercisey.

but im keeping my mind on the goal...growing a healthy baby. after that the plan is establish a good milk supply, and after i know ill have milk to nurse with, then i will be working towards losing the weight.

i have a lot of plans in place and accountability...ive joined a weight loss board online to mingle with people on their journeys so that i can keep my eye on the goal for the next 6 months, and ive got buy in from Jamie to work out with me and really get dedicated. since ill have put on a majority of the weight in the 10 months of pregnancy and the 3 months before that when i emotionally ate, im going to work my butt off and keep a realistic goal. if it took 13 months to put it on...i should expect it to take that long to remove it. of course though, i will be working out as if it wont take that long ;]

also ive got my sister on board, though we live miles and miles apart, a whole state even, i love how excited she is to do this with me! she even said that she would start now and work on this until i could.

jamie and i agreed to take Before photos the day we officially start. ill take one a week after i have the baby (to allow for reduction of swelling) and then another 4 weeks later when we start really getting on it as my official before picture, and then one a month until i reach either 175lbs or a size 10-12 whichever comes first. i know where i look good, im not focusing on a number specifically but that range is where i feel best. i like curves and meat on my bones.

and to whoever created the BMI calculator that says my ass should be 145lbs at 5'9" screw.you.

im beautiful and healthy heavier than that. and i love me :]

ill keep posting my foods and holding myself accountable over the next 18 weeks of pregnancy.

fo now imma go back to watching episodes of biggest loser (miss you jillian!) and making plans and healthy choices for me and my baby :]

chow fo now.

biggest loser finale

oh man oh man. im so tired of seeing finale after finale.

because i wonder "how do they lose 100 lbs!? ive been working on the same hundred since 12/27/2008!" oh yeah thats right...they exercise all the freakin time.

i really need to be less lazy :]

maybe boxing....

oh yeah, next monday im thinking bowling and batting cages. fun hmmmm?

i need to make it fun. i like having fun. dont you?

by the way, jillian...im going to miss you.

oooh, i think i might do yoga during Bugs nap.

You can.

i really should blog daily...

it holds me accountable.


i ate muchas gracias last night.
and vanilla wafers.

i was balls tired, and was keeping myself awake. i went to pick up food for A on the way home, and ended up buying myself something.

im going to keep going. one night wont stop me.


Tara Costa you are a powerhouse. i adore you and i want to have the willpower and strength that you do.

http://www.okmagazine.com/2009/11/biggest-losers-tara-costa-i-let-go-of-my-past/tara-costa-nov-5-5/

i also need to drink more water and maybe get a natural laxative or something.
it seems workign out has done a number on me.
yeah yeah TMI i know, but you're reading this because you're in the same boat right?
let me tell you, maybe i should invest in one of those procedures to clean out my body of waste or detox things and just get rid of 30 lbs of crap...literally lol.


i've been trying to do well.
i'm going through relationship problems...or lack thereof i guess, and havent had the energy to work out. still trying to eat within my calories. i stopped buying skinny cow. because i was eating 2 a night which is still 300 calories.
i have kept myself within the limits of 1600 most days. we'll see.

i COOKED! I cooked!
homemmade chicken noodle soup with chicken broth, chicken breast, celery, carrots, and onion and noodles. perfection!


i'm feeling blessed.

oh yeah, and i'm dragging my size 16 to see BB King tonight. gonna have a few drinks but ill be good : ]

ugh

man. its been a rough coupla days.

after a few days off cardio, i went back on. kept eating healthy every day (cept one because i had a craving for those tiny deep fried burritos...yum. but despite it all, i still gained 3 lbs?

how?

so i stopped looking. i need to get my water intake back up. i also just got off of miss lady thing. so maybe im bloated?

we are deciding on meal plans and better eating habits. we spent WAYY too much money on food last month outside of grocery shopping. time to tighten the budget and make sure to save some cash.

i ran yesterday! i ran! for 5 minutes. not a full on sprint...but folks. I. Dont. Run.

and i ran!!!!

:] i look like a bear havign a seizure when i run, but i RAN!

:]


talk about success.



heres hoping my work still gets me there.

holy cats.

been a tiring past couple days. cardio resumed. 30 mins per day.

eating fairly well. we took a date out to cinnebarre last night. i was smart and ate subway prior so i wouldnt eat their food.

i did munch on a couple deep fried pickle chips...how can you NOT?!

a week without biggest loser sucks. it really motivates. local channel aired the blazer game and preempted Bl and they didnt reschedule an airing.

this better not happen again :(

im TIRED. work has been exhausting. coupled with cardio...oy.

although some things i like for some snacks.


Progresso Light soups are under 200 cals a can and a great lunch with some wheat saltines...easy on the sodium! make sure you nail the water intake. i've been bad about that.

also, some pizza flavored pasta sauce is around 30 cals per serving. i take a serving of that and put it on a couple servings of wheat saltines for some pizza flavoring without eating pizza : ]

i am about 210 now at last weigh in 2 nights ago.

still eatin my skinny cow for my sweet craving or really small tastes of foods i want. :]

this could be good. just wishing 7 lbs lost was more than it actually is.

on that note

im going to go cuddle in bed and think about grocery shopping for GOOD foods tomorrow (not going on an empty stomach, going to JUST stick to the list), working out, my goals, and read up on the new issue of HEALTH magazine with Jillian Michaels on the cover.

im thinking also about a small detox. just from the random crap i put in my body sometimes. no fast food. no energy drinks (i rely on them too much for bad days and skip the water without thinking...ill admit to you random strangers, i had 3 THREE! sugar free rockstars. they are awesome, but not good for you :[ sigh), i will drink a LOT of water with NO artificial sweeteners, and work on mostly veggies while still creating properly balanced meals.

im going to try that for a week and see how i feel.

any ideas? tips...tricks?

let me know.

i need help.

that burp tasted of guilt...

yeah the subject is a little grosser than anyone would imagine.

here's how today went.

woke up went to work, ate a single serving of total whole grain with lowfat milk.

good choice. about 235 calories.

for lunch had a ream of wheat saltines with healthy choice 200 calorie per can chicken noodle soup.

still not too bad. about 550 calories. good choice.

on my lunch today, when i normally work out if the plan isnt going to the gym after work, i didnt work out. the past 5 days have left me exhausted. a day off isnt bad. its not a bad choice. rest is good, even when you arent doing hardcore workouts. it was 5 days of at least 30 mins cardio elliptical or bike. and i needed a break. good choice. i wasnt going tot he gym tonight anyway; i had a team outing planned for my team at work.

dinner came the tough part. the team outing was at red robin.

i was smart; as per my wonderful inspiration in Bob and Jillian from The Biggest Loser, i checked out the menu ahead of time by my trusty friend:

www.dwlz.com (short for dottis weight loss zone, thats how i remember the acronym. this website is awesome, on top of just finding tips n tricks and support up the arse, you will find a nearly completely and regularly updated restaurant list with their menu and meals caloried out for ya with fat and protein grams also provided. also this includes weight watchers points for almost every item...if you are a weight watchers points member.)

i checked out...red robin.

HOLY CREPES! i had NO idea my typical meal there was like this.

im a predictable person. i will fidn a good meal at a restaurant and get the same thing almost every time i go. routine is nice.

here is what my OLD usual meal would be: (courtesy of dwlz.com)

Teriyaki Chicken Burger (900 cal/47g fat/3g fiber/65g carbs/55g protein)

not to mention the steak fries that come with the gourmet burgers at around 400 calories a SERVING.

today i decided to be better. i like garden burgers, being a former vegetarian, so i opted for this choice:

The Garden Burger (578 cal/18g fat/10g fiber/63g carbs/22g protein

it was still keeping me within my recommended calories and not depriving me of a good burger.

i wish i had stopped there.

sometimes God (or whichever belief you believe in) gives you an :out" prior to making bad decisions. mine came in the form of being offered veggies as a side, veggies that i dont really like. i opted for the fries intending to stick with the small serving with the burgers, about 6 fries.

i didnt. i proactively asked for more, and the waiter came back stating the fries were just getting cooked and would be right out. i COULD have said no thanks.

i didnt.

when they came out STEAMIGN hot. i COULD have decided not to eat them. they werent any additional cost.

i didnt choose to forgo them.

so i ate about at least 500 calories in fries...If. Not. More.

i still try to not feel bad. i declined the alcoholic drink i was planning on having.

but i know i need to buckle down. i drank only about 32 oz of water today.

im going to bloat.

i need to get this right and get it right now.

i cant afford this in my life. i want to be healthy. i want to be 167 lbs.

i dont need to be rail thin. and if come 185 lbs i feel awesome, ill tone down the workouts and just work at maintaining my weight loss. but im not happy at 215. and after the past couple days...i bet i gained a little. im going to work at this. im GOING to get it right.

i think i'm going to set the goal of at least 185 by June 2010.

God Help me.

I'm going to need it.

i feel goood.

went to workout with my workout partner A. today.

30 minutes on the elliptical.

then leg weights.

bench press.

ab workout...i learned here i HAVE NO abs.

free weights.

excellent.

feeling good. almost dont wanna go to bed because then im waking up in pain.

third day this week. much better week than ever else.

excited.

nothing makes you feel more beautiful than working out to your fullest potential and feeling the burn.

i feel so accomplished.

success holds much more value if you didnt want to do it, or didnt think you could.

sparkpeople counted my calories around 1200 today, and i wasnt even hungry at the end of it all.

need to boost the protein to help with healing muscles.

wish i had my own Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper.

wish i could just watch biggest loser everyday...it really is the perfect motivation.

a little backstory about my big backside.

I am almost 23.

i've worked at a desk job for almost 5 years.

and I just had a baby 10 months ago.

I have a family history of Diabetes and Thyroid problems.

this is not a great equation.

I, like most fluffy adults, had a problem from adolescence.

i was a leaner kid, but enter middle school and high school and it got the best of me.

i had some self esteem issues, and ill be honest, ended up with some bad eating habits...and disorders.

i cleaned up though and entered age 18 at a new job working for a wireless company call center.

i was 5 ft9'' and about 175 lbs...165 if you look at my license. this was June of 2005.

i wasnt rail thin but i wasnt very fluffy. i was healthy.

by January 2008 i was 235 lbs, and started to exercise and eat healthy to lose weight so my love and i could try for a baby. i got down to 220 by April when i found out i was pregnant.

Exercised moderately for 7 months...until i started to feel HORRIBLE. i hardly gained at all until then, but then this raging appetite and lbs of water weight packed on. i was gaining at one point 12 lbs between 2 week appointments. doctor said it was water weight but as my pregnancy gain reached 60 lbs i was so disheartened.

When i went in for labor and delivery after my water broke in December 2008 i was 281 lbs. another 9 lbs of weight from swelling and water weight and IV drips brought me to 290 before i had him.

i weighted almost 300 lbs at 5'10'' and 22 years old!

shortly after j was born i experienced the tragic loss of a friend of mine, the third friend in 3 years.

i started to eat healthy and exercise to drop the weight, and miraculously i dropped 70 lbs by April 2009! it was cake! i had energy up the wazoo.

i kept up the healthy lifestyle, but plateaued.

then gained 13 lbs in 2 weeks.

started experiencing muscle pain and incredible fatigue and i couldnt figure it out. neither could the doctors. my thyroid levels were up...then down...the rheumatologist showed no rheumatoid arthritis. they were stumped.

for 3 months i felt this way every waking moment. but in July, i met a wonderful doctor who figured it out. my endocrinologist explained i had Postpartum thyroiditis. a skyrocket in thyroid hormones and then a plummet shortly after. it explained everything, and explained why i kept gaining. some days were horrible. id feel so bad that i was eatign right and exercising, and still gaining that some days i would binge. one day i was so pissed i ate 5 donuts on top of my normal food.

the thing about PPT is after a year it typically goes away...but for some, especially women who have family history...it might stay and you end with hypothyroidism forever. we started hormone thyroid medication. and now its a waiting game. to get my levels retested after J is a year old.

Biggest loser is my favorite show.

i watch it every week and sit on my yoga ball watching in awe...wishing i could quit my job and exercise. i recently learned their intake is 1200 in 6000 out per day in calories or something like that. not so sure i could do that.

but i recently started working out.

and it really helps to hear Jillian Michaels and Bob Harpers voices ring in my head....

this is my blog.

this is me trying to overcome this plateau and get the right motions happening.

i am currently yo yoing between 215 and 225

and i want back that 175.

i dont need 130 lbs.

i dont need a size 2.

i dont WANT that either.

those doctors may say my healthy weight is 135 lbs...i say screw it. i never appreciated 175 as much as i do now. i looked good. lean. firm.

to be honest, i dont care what the weight is if i could get into a size 10, i'd be a happy camper.

this is all about things i learn...mistakes i make and successes i achieve.

feel free to give me advice...

this is a topic i dont mind uncolicited advice about ; ]

but im only doing this the healthy way.

calorie counting, exercising. making smart choices...

im gonna do it.