motivation.

hard work.

determination.

Damn he's hot.

those are the things runnign through my mind when i see these pictures.

and then i remember...

if he were here he would tell me

STOP making excuses.

do what you can do REALISTICALLY without harming yourself or your child.

dont lose weight. its not all about being skinny. its about HEALTHY CHOICES that CHANGE MY LIFE. that MAKE ME the BEST MOM and allow me to grow a HEALTHY girl.

:]

i love you bobbo. (i miss you jillian...)

motivation.

The Biggest Loser on Hulu AND ON netflix? LOVE IT! now i have ALL THE SEASONS!

so im tryign to be healthier. i want it so badly.

today my love and my son and i went on a 25 or so mijnute walk around the neighborhood to be healthy and then i played with my resistance bands!

i need to keep up with my waters.

water water water.

i need it.

Maya bean needs it.

and my future self needs it.

i feel her rolling around in there, and knowing ive kept her healthy the last 23 weeks is SO rewarding.

at this point knowing she could come and have a chance, even a slim one, of being healthy. but im being responsible with this precious life.

also, on our walk with the boys today, i tried to jog, tried to run...the intense pain and pressure on my pelvic bone was too much.

i wont lie, ive never been a runner, but i can watch TBL every day?! my own history shows that i am much more successful of leading a healthy lifestyle during TBL seasons :]

i can do this.

and you know what...you can too.

after i showed a friend of mine the blog, i got motivated to read back. i was reading feelings i havent touched on in 10-16-18 months even...and it motivated me. i WILL NOT be sad. my life is incredible and my weight does NOT impact my mood that much. im motivcated, im happy. im gonna be successful damnit.

biggest loser finale

oh man oh man. im so tired of seeing finale after finale.

because i wonder "how do they lose 100 lbs!? ive been working on the same hundred since 12/27/2008!" oh yeah thats right...they exercise all the freakin time.

i really need to be less lazy :]

maybe boxing....

oh yeah, next monday im thinking bowling and batting cages. fun hmmmm?

i need to make it fun. i like having fun. dont you?

by the way, jillian...im going to miss you.

oooh, i think i might do yoga during Bugs nap.

damn cereal.

not much else to eat...except for oatmeal. but i needed a break from oatmeal :]

but now to find a cheap slow cooker recipe :]

thinking about using this site for it.

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2009/01/30/the-frugal-magic-of-the-five-ingredient-crock-pot-meal/

also...huluplus has like the old seasons of the biggest loser...HEYOH!

i see fat people

yes

i do.

because it helps.

seeing fat people making a change, it helps. fat is looked at to be a vulgar word.

and it is.

but lets just be raw and real and not sugar coat it.

some people are fat. and i love the fat people who dont let themselves stay fat.

Biggest Loser, Tuesdays 8-10pm NBC: a GREAT show. i swear, studies have shown i lose more weight during the 16 weeks of each season than when its on hiatus. these people really sweat and bust their ass, and even if i just stretch during it, you wont catch me sitting there with ice cream. but maybe a carb or two. oh and Bob...you are my soul mate...just saying. im gonna miss you Jillian.

I Used To Be Fat: New show, on MTV. people who are overweight commit to themselves to work out hardcore for about 3 months to make a huge change. they get up early before work, they have a personal trainer, but they DO it. and they are young people! 17, 18, 20. These kids know that they are unhappy and they FIX it. no we cant all have a reality show, but these kids....if they can do it...so can we!

Too Fat for 15, available ondemand under Life & Home>>Style. im sure its available on regular listings, but ive yet to find it : ) /

these kids, ages 11-18, are enrolled at a rather expensive (think 32k a SEMESTER) boarding school called WellSpring Academy where they live, learn eat and breathe a new life in the Carolinas.

There are behavioral coaches to help with the emotional obstacles of these kids, and there are trainers and there are teachers. everything is taken care of, and there are challenges, they let these kids choose to make mistakes so they learn. and these kids get up and exercise, DAILY.

its incredible to watch these transformations of real people before your eyes, and to be motivated by them.

do something.

even if its following JillianMichaels and slash or Bob harper on twitter.

like them on facebook

find someone, something thats you can focus on to inspire you. because you are your number one inspiration, but when you have a down day where you are down in the dumps...youll need a pick me up.

you CAN do this. acknowledge you can and then you will. and know that you CAN finish the race, regardless of how long. you may be able to commit and lose it all in 3 months, or like me you can be facing this labor of love for 2 years and not be done. just be happy and proud of YOU!

as Jillian Michaels said once to one of the contestants: I dont care if you crawl over the finish line, i dont care if its tomorrow, just finish it.

love you guys.

Biggest Loser...Where Are They Now?

watching this episode and having a range of emotions.

it didnt take this long for their weight to come off.

and they had more.

they all seem happy.

and im having a down day.

it must be in the air.

or something.

there is something missing.

and i cant put my finger on it.

30 lbs. go.the.fuck.away.

im tired of you. even if it does mean ill be colder.

i really should blog daily...

it holds me accountable.


i ate muchas gracias last night.
and vanilla wafers.

i was balls tired, and was keeping myself awake. i went to pick up food for A on the way home, and ended up buying myself something.

im going to keep going. one night wont stop me.


Tara Costa you are a powerhouse. i adore you and i want to have the willpower and strength that you do.

http://www.okmagazine.com/2009/11/biggest-losers-tara-costa-i-let-go-of-my-past/tara-costa-nov-5-5/

i also need to drink more water and maybe get a natural laxative or something.
it seems workign out has done a number on me.
yeah yeah TMI i know, but you're reading this because you're in the same boat right?
let me tell you, maybe i should invest in one of those procedures to clean out my body of waste or detox things and just get rid of 30 lbs of crap...literally lol.


i've been trying to do well.
i'm going through relationship problems...or lack thereof i guess, and havent had the energy to work out. still trying to eat within my calories. i stopped buying skinny cow. because i was eating 2 a night which is still 300 calories.
i have kept myself within the limits of 1600 most days. we'll see.

i COOKED! I cooked!
homemmade chicken noodle soup with chicken broth, chicken breast, celery, carrots, and onion and noodles. perfection!


i'm feeling blessed.

oh yeah, and i'm dragging my size 16 to see BB King tonight. gonna have a few drinks but ill be good : ]

holy cats.

been a tiring past couple days. cardio resumed. 30 mins per day.

eating fairly well. we took a date out to cinnebarre last night. i was smart and ate subway prior so i wouldnt eat their food.

i did munch on a couple deep fried pickle chips...how can you NOT?!

a week without biggest loser sucks. it really motivates. local channel aired the blazer game and preempted Bl and they didnt reschedule an airing.

this better not happen again :(

im TIRED. work has been exhausting. coupled with cardio...oy.

although some things i like for some snacks.


Progresso Light soups are under 200 cals a can and a great lunch with some wheat saltines...easy on the sodium! make sure you nail the water intake. i've been bad about that.

also, some pizza flavored pasta sauce is around 30 cals per serving. i take a serving of that and put it on a couple servings of wheat saltines for some pizza flavoring without eating pizza : ]

i am about 210 now at last weigh in 2 nights ago.

still eatin my skinny cow for my sweet craving or really small tastes of foods i want. :]

this could be good. just wishing 7 lbs lost was more than it actually is.

on that note

im going to go cuddle in bed and think about grocery shopping for GOOD foods tomorrow (not going on an empty stomach, going to JUST stick to the list), working out, my goals, and read up on the new issue of HEALTH magazine with Jillian Michaels on the cover.

im thinking also about a small detox. just from the random crap i put in my body sometimes. no fast food. no energy drinks (i rely on them too much for bad days and skip the water without thinking...ill admit to you random strangers, i had 3 THREE! sugar free rockstars. they are awesome, but not good for you :[ sigh), i will drink a LOT of water with NO artificial sweeteners, and work on mostly veggies while still creating properly balanced meals.

im going to try that for a week and see how i feel.

any ideas? tips...tricks?

let me know.

i need help.