goodness

im not going to use it as a crutch but i hate agnes.
i didnt exercise today.
no, instead i stayed home with a sick bub except for 4 hours of the day i worked.
cereal for breakfast. coffee (half a pot with some creamer sugar free) a chicken breast sub sammich and chicken enchiladas for dindin.

j tries to cook healthy but bless his heart he loves good food. we're working on it. as i try to shed these last 30 lbs for now, j has a goal of 40 ish. he is in a smaller pants size i think. dratted men and their weight loss abilities.

i decided to skip dessert.

now i have a friend in the weight loss business, a colleague if you will, we have agreed to text in temptation. i didnt feel the need tonight. i just skipped dessert. truth be told i half forgot, since we were trying to feed the babe while teaching him to say please more.

i made agreement with the nanny that we will do jillian michaels thirty day shred at least thrice a week.

see i figured it out, i want my goal weight to be reached by the end of may, if i work out a minimum of 3x a week thats 60 workouts. i have seen success and i will reach my goals, and i wont be disappointed if not at the goal point. i think the huge key to success is being happy with any goal, and being happy with any progress achieved. if im seeing the lbs fall off...then i will keep with it...unless i falter like i did in december.

my short term goal, the first of many is to see the 100s again. i havent weighed myself, but im pretending i went back up to 212. thats allowing myself an unseen 6 lbs gained back. im hoping thats not the case. after another steady week or two of good decisions, including all my waters drank for the day, i will weigh myself and post it here. im too scared, and i sent myself up that creek on my own.

having a friend do it, while not working out together or counting calories together will prove successful. people see success in numbers, and seeing a friend do it will help loads.

portions remain a big obstacle. im learning my body wont fall sick if i dont have that second bowl of cereal...and i dont need the milk in it either at the end of the bowl.

i need to ration my creamer, and not go for seconds.

i need to fill the smaller plates, and go back to my soups for lunch or veggie subs and save my calories for snacks and dinner.

i need to be drinking my 94 oz of water a day and compensate for any other beverages such as coffee or rockstars that work as a diuretic.

how easy it all is on paper, or blog as it is. more importantly, i need to remember all the time how happy and gratifying it is to see the weight come off, and realize once i am at my goals, each of them, that i will no longer loathe those skinny girls who work out.

they are not your enemies M, they are your comrades in this battle. they however, are the smart proactive ones, who never let themselves get to my point.

200s you are going to be gone soon., i promise you. its been a long relationship, but its time to cut ties, we'll be friends, but no more. we'll talk on the phone, but this face to face daily relationship has got to stop.


i love you, self. and i respect all you are.


i really do love me. and im proud of me dammit. :]

i really should blog daily...

it holds me accountable.


i ate muchas gracias last night.
and vanilla wafers.

i was balls tired, and was keeping myself awake. i went to pick up food for A on the way home, and ended up buying myself something.

im going to keep going. one night wont stop me.


Tara Costa you are a powerhouse. i adore you and i want to have the willpower and strength that you do.

http://www.okmagazine.com/2009/11/biggest-losers-tara-costa-i-let-go-of-my-past/tara-costa-nov-5-5/

i also need to drink more water and maybe get a natural laxative or something.
it seems workign out has done a number on me.
yeah yeah TMI i know, but you're reading this because you're in the same boat right?
let me tell you, maybe i should invest in one of those procedures to clean out my body of waste or detox things and just get rid of 30 lbs of crap...literally lol.


i've been trying to do well.
i'm going through relationship problems...or lack thereof i guess, and havent had the energy to work out. still trying to eat within my calories. i stopped buying skinny cow. because i was eating 2 a night which is still 300 calories.
i have kept myself within the limits of 1600 most days. we'll see.

i COOKED! I cooked!
homemmade chicken noodle soup with chicken broth, chicken breast, celery, carrots, and onion and noodles. perfection!


i'm feeling blessed.

oh yeah, and i'm dragging my size 16 to see BB King tonight. gonna have a few drinks but ill be good : ]

that burp tasted of guilt...

yeah the subject is a little grosser than anyone would imagine.

here's how today went.

woke up went to work, ate a single serving of total whole grain with lowfat milk.

good choice. about 235 calories.

for lunch had a ream of wheat saltines with healthy choice 200 calorie per can chicken noodle soup.

still not too bad. about 550 calories. good choice.

on my lunch today, when i normally work out if the plan isnt going to the gym after work, i didnt work out. the past 5 days have left me exhausted. a day off isnt bad. its not a bad choice. rest is good, even when you arent doing hardcore workouts. it was 5 days of at least 30 mins cardio elliptical or bike. and i needed a break. good choice. i wasnt going tot he gym tonight anyway; i had a team outing planned for my team at work.

dinner came the tough part. the team outing was at red robin.

i was smart; as per my wonderful inspiration in Bob and Jillian from The Biggest Loser, i checked out the menu ahead of time by my trusty friend:

www.dwlz.com (short for dottis weight loss zone, thats how i remember the acronym. this website is awesome, on top of just finding tips n tricks and support up the arse, you will find a nearly completely and regularly updated restaurant list with their menu and meals caloried out for ya with fat and protein grams also provided. also this includes weight watchers points for almost every item...if you are a weight watchers points member.)

i checked out...red robin.

HOLY CREPES! i had NO idea my typical meal there was like this.

im a predictable person. i will fidn a good meal at a restaurant and get the same thing almost every time i go. routine is nice.

here is what my OLD usual meal would be: (courtesy of dwlz.com)

Teriyaki Chicken Burger (900 cal/47g fat/3g fiber/65g carbs/55g protein)

not to mention the steak fries that come with the gourmet burgers at around 400 calories a SERVING.

today i decided to be better. i like garden burgers, being a former vegetarian, so i opted for this choice:

The Garden Burger (578 cal/18g fat/10g fiber/63g carbs/22g protein

it was still keeping me within my recommended calories and not depriving me of a good burger.

i wish i had stopped there.

sometimes God (or whichever belief you believe in) gives you an :out" prior to making bad decisions. mine came in the form of being offered veggies as a side, veggies that i dont really like. i opted for the fries intending to stick with the small serving with the burgers, about 6 fries.

i didnt. i proactively asked for more, and the waiter came back stating the fries were just getting cooked and would be right out. i COULD have said no thanks.

i didnt.

when they came out STEAMIGN hot. i COULD have decided not to eat them. they werent any additional cost.

i didnt choose to forgo them.

so i ate about at least 500 calories in fries...If. Not. More.

i still try to not feel bad. i declined the alcoholic drink i was planning on having.

but i know i need to buckle down. i drank only about 32 oz of water today.

im going to bloat.

i need to get this right and get it right now.

i cant afford this in my life. i want to be healthy. i want to be 167 lbs.

i dont need to be rail thin. and if come 185 lbs i feel awesome, ill tone down the workouts and just work at maintaining my weight loss. but im not happy at 215. and after the past couple days...i bet i gained a little. im going to work at this. im GOING to get it right.

i think i'm going to set the goal of at least 185 by June 2010.

God Help me.

I'm going to need it.

oh my.

im SO tired.

worked out on lunch (27 mins of cardio and light weights).

worked out at work instead of 24 hour so i could be home with jude tonight instead of the gym. glad i did. he is already asleep.

sleepy sleepy guy.

im right there with him.

im amazing how much not working out at a gym can make you feel unaccomplished.

i used to go months without 30 mins of cardio. here i do 30 mins and i feel like i slacked.

im gonna like feeling this way. :]

J checked out the new Kroc community center and wants me to switch gyms.

i'm unsure. i like my 24 hour. :]

im beat.

but love this new energy!

feelin good.

love my life.

crepes! i did it.

small goals...large goals...

it doesnt matter the size, but rather the weight of what they mean.

prior to having j, i would get on a machine and in 5 minutes need to stop. i wasnt 400 lbs, but i was out of shape. j keeps me in shape. not thin or lean, but in shape, way moreso than before.

today i went to the gym.

my partner wasnt able to accompany me, but i pressed on. and im glad i did.

i accomplished a goal of mine.

i stayed on the elliptical for 60 minutes jogging today.

i am not able to run without getting winded and i feel sometimes like im going to throw up, but today, without any motivation i did it.

with my MyTouch blaring Break As We Fall (their album If You're Lonely is available now on iTunes and breakaswefall.com) i just went.

and pushed myself to go where i havent ever gone.

i know it probably sounds silly to those of you who can do it without a problem. but for the fluffies out there, the chubbies, even the thin but out of shape...60 minutes is HUGE!

i continued my workout after with some weight training.

i feel good.

made some healthy decisions for dinner (not the tastiest...tasted like paper...wont be trying that again anytime soon), and will continue to make good decisions as the Biggest loser records on the dvr tonight.

:]

yes folks that picture says over one hour and nearly 500 calories.

it should also come with a big fat medal.

Pain is temporary, Pride is forever.

and damn i feel proud.

you can do it! start small and celebrate your successes!

5 minutes, 10, 15, 20, 30, 45, 55, 60.

you can!

i feel goood.

went to workout with my workout partner A. today.

30 minutes on the elliptical.

then leg weights.

bench press.

ab workout...i learned here i HAVE NO abs.

free weights.

excellent.

feeling good. almost dont wanna go to bed because then im waking up in pain.

third day this week. much better week than ever else.

excited.

nothing makes you feel more beautiful than working out to your fullest potential and feeling the burn.

i feel so accomplished.

success holds much more value if you didnt want to do it, or didnt think you could.

sparkpeople counted my calories around 1200 today, and i wasnt even hungry at the end of it all.

need to boost the protein to help with healing muscles.

wish i had my own Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper.

wish i could just watch biggest loser everyday...it really is the perfect motivation.

some of my favorite tools...

Biggest Loser Calorie Counter

http://www.amazon.com/Biggest-Loser-Calorie-Counter-Restaurants-As/dp/1594865957

it has so much of everything. tips from previous contestants, dining out menu nutritional information to some popular restaurants (yeah i learned a footlong tuna at subway is the highest calorie and highest fat on the menu: 1060 calories and 61 grams of fat...NEVER doing that again).

yoga ball.

dude, i got one of the big ones, and i sit with the nanny and we balance and exercise and stretch while we watch our favorite shows. nanny is also a favorite tool to use. i need accountability.

gym:

we have a workout room at work, but its only available to employees. im going to 24 hour fitness to get a membership soon. that way if i need a partner in accountability i can call up A. or Brudder. and i can have someone push me. dont get me wrong, having the Biggest Loser trainers in my head when i need motivation works wonders so far...unfortunately, its easy to call them bad names and quit when they arent actually here.

fluffy friends:

gotta have accountability. having fat friends who are making good choices and losing weight is a great tool.

former fluffy friends;

those who have lost the weight and keep it off are my heroes.

my friends Megan and Stephanie have each lost 60 lbs or more and have kept it off.

i love seeing their old pictures.

food journal:

truth be told. sometimes it ends up getting written on 3x5 cards at work...but making sure im keeping a log of my food and calories is essential. you are MUCH more likely to succeed and also to hold yourself accountable for the foods you eat when you write them down.

i never eat fast food when i record my foods. i love that im back into it.

SPARKPEOPLE.com

this website is essential to me. when i lost 70 lbs...it was with this website.

its a FREE website.

register...try it DAILY for a MONTH. you WILL be impressed and feel so connected.

there are blogs and there are exercises and free food logs and calorie counters.

its fabulous.

Family;

you have to tell them.

i ask Js daddy to make healthy food. and make it not taste healthy. he does a wonderful job. he loves to cook and it really helps to try and and challenge him to make good things. recently i challenged him to make low fat low cal sweet onion chicken teriyaki like at subway...but just as chicken breasts so i could avoid the bread and calories. he made triple servings so i had lunch for 2 days after : ].

good running shoes.

i dont run.

i hate to run.

but having the nikes that i have (got them for 50 bucks on clearance) are essential to a good workout.

thats all for now. :]