without realizing it...

i have drank almost 2 gallons of water today.

holy crap.

i feel good, i feel energized. i did have to take a vicodin or pain...maybe thats why i didnt notice my intake. but its been helping my digestion and my mood. i feel good. still fatigued...but dude...im pregnant :] im excited to stay strong on a topic of committing to making healthier choices for my baby. after all, everything my body does runs of water...including the fact that my baby swims in it....water can only be INCREDIBLE for her :] im a boss :]

love you baby girl!

baby fat

So as ive mentioned before i have gained mroe weight than i have wanted, and i have been eating a LOT healthier.

ive been keeping myh eye on the prize, a healthy baby girl come february, and then a plan of attack to get rid of whatever i gain.

i acknowledge that it is not put on overnight, but over 40 weeks, and so whatever i gain, i resolve to lose in 40 weeks. i know that my baby eats what i eat, and am trying to fill it with good stuff. i refuse to be sad that i am feeding myself, my body and my baby with greens and wheats.

i know where i can improve. its my beverages for sure. i crave drinks! juices and mt dew (i know i know i can hear jillian michaels getting pissed at me from here) and the fact that while my body doesnt agree with warm cheap low calorie at home coffee...its totally in agreeane with frappuccinos. ive been doing no whip and non fat but still...i need to cut down. so i will.

my body is telling me what it is going to do for my baby. im going to trust nature and not my confused brain.

as long as im giving it good fuel and being more active...and making sure to get in my water, i know i will be successful. the goal is keeping this little precious girl in there for longer, so she can grow.

ive made it through almost 23 weeks, and i feel SO good knowing that if i can make it through another 1-5 weeks...heaven forbid she comes early...there is a chance. it may eb one in a million, but there is a chance she will be all right.

the longer the better. i dont have any reason as of yet to think that she will not stay until 37 weeks. but a friend of mine recently delivered, for no good reason, at 27 weeks...and i need to be prepared for the unpredictable.

today i do Yoga.

i should have been doing it more in the last 23 weeks, instead of only once. but i have 17 weeks left until my due date.

17 weeks left until Feb 14th 2012.

i have 17 weeks of yoga and healthy eating and good choices to make to impact my daughter and change my life to give her the best shot possible.

love this positivity.

i have had to take vicodin for some torn muscles and muscle spasms for the last 1.5 weeks. i havent even taken one today and i feel cloudy and slightly out of it. time to wean myself off and see how im feeling.

i dont like this foggy haze im in.

im keeping my head int he game, watching biggest loser and talking to people, making healthy choices.

i need some Green Giant Steamers...those things are awesome. great, thanks Bob Harper, now im freaking craving cheesy broccoli.

watching season 7 and seeing Tara Costa, knowing that in 2008 i believe, she was on this show at 294 and she JUST completed an Ironman...this is so incredibly motivating, she won 8 challenges and never fell below the yellow line. she lost double digits almost every single week. she worked HARD. Kristin from this season lost all this weight, at over 300 lbs down to a healthy enough weight to get pregnant and have the baby she wanted so badly.

the winner of this season was Helen, a woman in her 50s! how incredible all of this is.

damn cereal.

not much else to eat...except for oatmeal. but i needed a break from oatmeal :]

but now to find a cheap slow cooker recipe :]

thinking about using this site for it.

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2009/01/30/the-frugal-magic-of-the-five-ingredient-crock-pot-meal/

also...huluplus has like the old seasons of the biggest loser...HEYOH!

:) for funsies....

A reminder I'm beautiful in my own skin...no make up and some chub underneath...

okay...deep breaths...

today was a day i decided to weigh in. why? i dont know...im silly.

205...closest ive been to under 200 in a LONG time.

my goal is by Valentines day, as a present to myself...im GOING to be under 200 lbs.


i have a lot of friends doing other weight loss support...be it by supplements or weight loss surgeries...and i havent decided what is right for me yet. im giving myself until may to play around with my own devices and see what i can do.

while being 205 lbs is a HUGE accomplishment for me...i chose to sabotage my feel good mood...by measuring.

i felt some regret, and i know i still will, when i realized i should have done that right after Julian was born.

to know what difference 76 lbs makes would be so uplifting.
its hard to be the same face in the mirror when other people see the progress. I WANT TO SEE IT!

anyway...here i am baring myself to the world...through numbers.

its time to face facts M, this is who i am....
and dammit...i LOVE it. i have a lot to Love...but thats a good thign right?


small natural waist: 34"

thickest part of love handles 41" (cringe)

neck 13.5"

mid ribs under bust 36.5" (down from 38/40 : ])

calves 15"

Largest part of my thigh: THIS one was a hard one to see. 26.5

thats the size of my little brothers waist almost.

those numbers are hard to see.... but lets motivate!

sometimes i need a pick-me-up (please, no one actually try to pick me up, as this might perpetuate the feeling of heaviness).

i was going to go to the kroc center tonight.
but that damned tailbone hurt SO bad from my 8 hour meeting today. those chairs were horrible and there was SO Much Sitting!

im going to try and be active tomorrow.
and am going to continue the eating. today i had a banana a small amount of beef jerky and cereal breakfast bar for bfast, 6 inches of turkey sub for lunch. 3.5" of turkey sub for snack and some grilled teriyaki chicken for dinner with some steamed rice. half portions.

im working on it. its hard to see the progress of others and be sincerely happy for them...lol until you see your own that is.


im going to go fill out the fafsa.

someone tell me im skinny : ]

eeesh.

im not going to lie.


i was bad today.

i did very minimal workout. as in some small exercises that did not make up for the graham cracker and chocolate snacking i did.


its so much easier, ive realized, to eat better once your on a streak.

any sparkpeople member would know thats when youve been eating well for days...you dont want to ruin the streak...so saying no is easier.

its not...when youve been bad already.


tomorrow im going to do the workout. #1 of 60.

jillian michaels. you better kick my ass.

i have a lot of it that needs your kicking.


why cant i just say no?

or rather...why do i choose to say yes instead?

lord, give me strength. if i cant say no to bad foods, how strong am i really?

05.27.2010

on May 27th 2010 Julian will be 17 months old.

i am going to be 180 lbs on 05.27.2010.

im 211 now.

i bought a kettlebell today.
i have been using my yoga ball for back extensions and for torso turns with a medicine ball.
im using the kettlebells and small 5 lb hand weights for basic strength training and exercises.

i need to lose about 1.25 lbs per week to reach my goal.

i can do this.

i have a healthy weight coach from my insurance calling me biweekly.

she wants me to hit 3500 cals burned per week ( 1 lb worth) and eat 1600 calories or less.

do i think this is reasonable? yes, but i can tell you i am probably not going to reach it.

i hate giving up time with J to work out.
but its time to step it up. i have to meet this. to show me, to show big J to show little j that i care about them and i love them and for me. i need this. this closure.

i want energy, stamina. i want to be able to run.

i have of course like always flaked out on my exercising i was once so gung ho about. but i am going to do this. somehow some way healthy like.


i love my life. i love my sons life. i want to make it the best for him that i can, and i need to get healthy. my BMI as of last week was 30.3. im 3 lbs away from crossing from the OBESE mark to the OVERWEIGHT mark.
when im 180 i will be lbs away from being Normal Healthy Weight BMI.

support, comments, flattery...offer me what you can.


i love my life.

secrets.

im tired of wearing jeans either too loose or too tight. wheres the inbetween?

im tired of my legs rubbing when i walk...wearing out my pants.

im tired of being able to physically grab my chub.

im tired of only having a pretty face.

im tired of not being fit.

im tired of not being able to run without exhaustion.

im tired of feeling guilty when i eat something good n greasy.

im tired of gaining weight by eating the good n greasy.

im tired of seeing women who dont have to try to lose or maintain weight loss.

im tired of not being fat enough for weight loss programs...but still being 60 lbs overweight.

im tired of being chubby.

i want a change.

i want to be 167 lbs. still thick n curvy...but not SO thick and bumpy : ] i want to buy clothes off the rack...the non plus size rack.

i want to be able to say...wow. i lost over 100 lbs since my son was born!

i want to run for 10 minutes STRAIGHT.

i want to play a sport. or finish a 5k.

i had a bad week. and its ONLY my fault. i HAVE to get this under control.

by my 24th birthday im going to be under 185 lbs. dammit.

i really should blog daily...

it holds me accountable.


i ate muchas gracias last night.
and vanilla wafers.

i was balls tired, and was keeping myself awake. i went to pick up food for A on the way home, and ended up buying myself something.

im going to keep going. one night wont stop me.


Tara Costa you are a powerhouse. i adore you and i want to have the willpower and strength that you do.

http://www.okmagazine.com/2009/11/biggest-losers-tara-costa-i-let-go-of-my-past/tara-costa-nov-5-5/

i also need to drink more water and maybe get a natural laxative or something.
it seems workign out has done a number on me.
yeah yeah TMI i know, but you're reading this because you're in the same boat right?
let me tell you, maybe i should invest in one of those procedures to clean out my body of waste or detox things and just get rid of 30 lbs of crap...literally lol.


i've been trying to do well.
i'm going through relationship problems...or lack thereof i guess, and havent had the energy to work out. still trying to eat within my calories. i stopped buying skinny cow. because i was eating 2 a night which is still 300 calories.
i have kept myself within the limits of 1600 most days. we'll see.

i COOKED! I cooked!
homemmade chicken noodle soup with chicken broth, chicken breast, celery, carrots, and onion and noodles. perfection!


i'm feeling blessed.

oh yeah, and i'm dragging my size 16 to see BB King tonight. gonna have a few drinks but ill be good : ]