holy HELL!

look how BIG i was! this was October!
http://marriagemattersoregon.org/2009/10/rachel_may.html

and this is me NOW!

05.27.2010

on May 27th 2010 Julian will be 17 months old.

i am going to be 180 lbs on 05.27.2010.

im 211 now.

i bought a kettlebell today.
i have been using my yoga ball for back extensions and for torso turns with a medicine ball.
im using the kettlebells and small 5 lb hand weights for basic strength training and exercises.

i need to lose about 1.25 lbs per week to reach my goal.

i can do this.

i have a healthy weight coach from my insurance calling me biweekly.

she wants me to hit 3500 cals burned per week ( 1 lb worth) and eat 1600 calories or less.

do i think this is reasonable? yes, but i can tell you i am probably not going to reach it.

i hate giving up time with J to work out.
but its time to step it up. i have to meet this. to show me, to show big J to show little j that i care about them and i love them and for me. i need this. this closure.

i want energy, stamina. i want to be able to run.

i have of course like always flaked out on my exercising i was once so gung ho about. but i am going to do this. somehow some way healthy like.


i love my life. i love my sons life. i want to make it the best for him that i can, and i need to get healthy. my BMI as of last week was 30.3. im 3 lbs away from crossing from the OBESE mark to the OVERWEIGHT mark.
when im 180 i will be lbs away from being Normal Healthy Weight BMI.

support, comments, flattery...offer me what you can.


i love my life.

GOOOOOAOAAAAALLLL!

i entered the hospital on 12.27.2008 at 281 lbs.
that doesnt count the weight i gained while in there.
i have managed to lose and maintain 69 lbs of that weight loss.
in 32 lbs i will have exceeded 100 lbs of weight loss.
181.
i cant even remember the last time i crossed from the 100s to the 200s.

i want it back.
i did 3 hours of weights yesterday.
im 212 lbs.
i want to be 180 lbs. and then set another goal.

i have personal motivation lately, and it certainly helps to have JBug.
and nanny. she has been a superior motivator : ].

wish me luck and extend some support; im going to need it.


21 lbs to go!

beautiful.

im aware of my curves today, in a good way.

work up, took a shower.

wearing sweats and a t shirt, laying on the couch watching a court room drama with the handsome John Travolta.

JudeBug is sleeping.

Im tired. but its a GOOD day.

going to cancel 24 hour membership and sign up at Kroc this week.

gonna swim with my boy a lot!

how blessed i am.

i really should blog daily...

it holds me accountable.


i ate muchas gracias last night.
and vanilla wafers.

i was balls tired, and was keeping myself awake. i went to pick up food for A on the way home, and ended up buying myself something.

im going to keep going. one night wont stop me.


Tara Costa you are a powerhouse. i adore you and i want to have the willpower and strength that you do.

http://www.okmagazine.com/2009/11/biggest-losers-tara-costa-i-let-go-of-my-past/tara-costa-nov-5-5/

i also need to drink more water and maybe get a natural laxative or something.
it seems workign out has done a number on me.
yeah yeah TMI i know, but you're reading this because you're in the same boat right?
let me tell you, maybe i should invest in one of those procedures to clean out my body of waste or detox things and just get rid of 30 lbs of crap...literally lol.


i've been trying to do well.
i'm going through relationship problems...or lack thereof i guess, and havent had the energy to work out. still trying to eat within my calories. i stopped buying skinny cow. because i was eating 2 a night which is still 300 calories.
i have kept myself within the limits of 1600 most days. we'll see.

i COOKED! I cooked!
homemmade chicken noodle soup with chicken broth, chicken breast, celery, carrots, and onion and noodles. perfection!


i'm feeling blessed.

oh yeah, and i'm dragging my size 16 to see BB King tonight. gonna have a few drinks but ill be good : ]

ugh

man. its been a rough coupla days.

after a few days off cardio, i went back on. kept eating healthy every day (cept one because i had a craving for those tiny deep fried burritos...yum. but despite it all, i still gained 3 lbs?

how?

so i stopped looking. i need to get my water intake back up. i also just got off of miss lady thing. so maybe im bloated?

we are deciding on meal plans and better eating habits. we spent WAYY too much money on food last month outside of grocery shopping. time to tighten the budget and make sure to save some cash.

i ran yesterday! i ran! for 5 minutes. not a full on sprint...but folks. I. Dont. Run.

and i ran!!!!

:] i look like a bear havign a seizure when i run, but i RAN!

:]


talk about success.



heres hoping my work still gets me there.

crepes! i did it.

small goals...large goals...

it doesnt matter the size, but rather the weight of what they mean.

prior to having j, i would get on a machine and in 5 minutes need to stop. i wasnt 400 lbs, but i was out of shape. j keeps me in shape. not thin or lean, but in shape, way moreso than before.

today i went to the gym.

my partner wasnt able to accompany me, but i pressed on. and im glad i did.

i accomplished a goal of mine.

i stayed on the elliptical for 60 minutes jogging today.

i am not able to run without getting winded and i feel sometimes like im going to throw up, but today, without any motivation i did it.

with my MyTouch blaring Break As We Fall (their album If You're Lonely is available now on iTunes and breakaswefall.com) i just went.

and pushed myself to go where i havent ever gone.

i know it probably sounds silly to those of you who can do it without a problem. but for the fluffies out there, the chubbies, even the thin but out of shape...60 minutes is HUGE!

i continued my workout after with some weight training.

i feel good.

made some healthy decisions for dinner (not the tastiest...tasted like paper...wont be trying that again anytime soon), and will continue to make good decisions as the Biggest loser records on the dvr tonight.

:]

yes folks that picture says over one hour and nearly 500 calories.

it should also come with a big fat medal.

Pain is temporary, Pride is forever.

and damn i feel proud.

you can do it! start small and celebrate your successes!

5 minutes, 10, 15, 20, 30, 45, 55, 60.

you can!

october 16th, 2009.

workout partner was not coming to workout, but i pressed on. i was a bit worried i wouldnt push myself as hard without her there. but i took some music and some motivation.

it all started witht he elliptical again. it has become my friend. i have a really hard time running. (ive tried to eliminate CANT from my vocab, but its the way i really feel about running).

but today i made it further than even yesterday. i covered the time and just went. went until i started to feel the burn and then kept going.

i uncovered the time and saw i was at 34 minutes; this is longer than even yesterdays. but i noticed i was nearly at 300 calories...so that became my new goal: to get to 300 calories burned. then i acheived calories burned and decided...hey im SO close to 40 minutes...lets get to 40...once i hit forty i noticed i was at 2.93 miles...so i pressed on to 3 miles...and stayed until after 40 minutes had passed. i almost didnt want to get off of it. instant gratification on that machine, and after 20 minutes i seem to catch a second wind. but i knew i needed to mix it up a bit.

so i went to the leg machines. pushed a little further and did more, by distracting myself with a magazine.

i headed to the free weights and did a few reps of 12 lbers. then headed to the bike where i spent a few minutes cycling.

i stopped off at the stairmaster...instant;y felt a burn and wasnt feeling renewed enough for the challenge on that one, so i worked my upper body a bit and then rowed.

the rowing machine is crazy.

even my neck hurt. How Does it Do That?

holy cats.

but it was good. i tried to work the remnants or beginnings of my abs. not sure how that turned out.

ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast,

a granola bar for a snack.

a couple pieces of jerky for some protein.

then another bowl of cereal for my lunchish (i woke up late and my schedule was off, but, i knew that i needed the extra energy. fat free milk doesnt do me wrong.

i had another granola bar before going to the gym and topped off my workout with 2 turkey wraps. totalling under 300 calories the protein immediately gave me energy...holy crepes, how will i sleep?

the shower after felt awesome. at some points in the workout i think i felt my muscles actually breaking down.

but i feel awesome. i almost was too exhausted today from a twacky sleep schedule that i nearly didnt go, but its amazing how much energy you GET from expending what little energy you might have.

i know its a long journey, and i think ive decided to not weigh myself for awhile.

it could lead to disheartened feelings and crushed emotions.

i want to keep going. i cant keep giving up.

im now paying for this pain, and also the pride that comes with it.

the gym is a place where you are succeeding if you sweat all over yourself; where you dont matter if you are big and bulky.

it doesnt feel uncomfortable.

ive been there before, but always a bit self conscious, but its just a group of people wanting to be healthy, but at different stages. its nice to watch the tiny butt of a woman whos been working her tail off and knowing i can get that too.

its like a high, an addiction.

but after that shower...my muscles are on fire. THIS part i dont know how i feel about.

i do love the feeling of this though. the inner emotional "i'm actually Doing it" feeling.

i weighed myself the other day: the scale i think was way off.

september twenty ninth i went to the doctor and they had me at 218.

the scale at work showed like 8 lbs more. probably just the water weight.

but thats why im not weighing myself. im not going to let it dictate how hard i work out. im gonna give it my all every day i go there.

i wont let it dictate my food; i need to make good choices anyway.

a number isnt what you look.

ill tell you that right now.

i dont look 218 lbs.

what matters is how i feel. and if i dont lose weight but i lose inches and i look healthy at even 250 lbs...i need to accept that i am healthy...and i am me.

someone remind me of that when im having a fat day please.

a little backstory about my big backside.

I am almost 23.

i've worked at a desk job for almost 5 years.

and I just had a baby 10 months ago.

I have a family history of Diabetes and Thyroid problems.

this is not a great equation.

I, like most fluffy adults, had a problem from adolescence.

i was a leaner kid, but enter middle school and high school and it got the best of me.

i had some self esteem issues, and ill be honest, ended up with some bad eating habits...and disorders.

i cleaned up though and entered age 18 at a new job working for a wireless company call center.

i was 5 ft9'' and about 175 lbs...165 if you look at my license. this was June of 2005.

i wasnt rail thin but i wasnt very fluffy. i was healthy.

by January 2008 i was 235 lbs, and started to exercise and eat healthy to lose weight so my love and i could try for a baby. i got down to 220 by April when i found out i was pregnant.

Exercised moderately for 7 months...until i started to feel HORRIBLE. i hardly gained at all until then, but then this raging appetite and lbs of water weight packed on. i was gaining at one point 12 lbs between 2 week appointments. doctor said it was water weight but as my pregnancy gain reached 60 lbs i was so disheartened.

When i went in for labor and delivery after my water broke in December 2008 i was 281 lbs. another 9 lbs of weight from swelling and water weight and IV drips brought me to 290 before i had him.

i weighted almost 300 lbs at 5'10'' and 22 years old!

shortly after j was born i experienced the tragic loss of a friend of mine, the third friend in 3 years.

i started to eat healthy and exercise to drop the weight, and miraculously i dropped 70 lbs by April 2009! it was cake! i had energy up the wazoo.

i kept up the healthy lifestyle, but plateaued.

then gained 13 lbs in 2 weeks.

started experiencing muscle pain and incredible fatigue and i couldnt figure it out. neither could the doctors. my thyroid levels were up...then down...the rheumatologist showed no rheumatoid arthritis. they were stumped.

for 3 months i felt this way every waking moment. but in July, i met a wonderful doctor who figured it out. my endocrinologist explained i had Postpartum thyroiditis. a skyrocket in thyroid hormones and then a plummet shortly after. it explained everything, and explained why i kept gaining. some days were horrible. id feel so bad that i was eatign right and exercising, and still gaining that some days i would binge. one day i was so pissed i ate 5 donuts on top of my normal food.

the thing about PPT is after a year it typically goes away...but for some, especially women who have family history...it might stay and you end with hypothyroidism forever. we started hormone thyroid medication. and now its a waiting game. to get my levels retested after J is a year old.

Biggest loser is my favorite show.

i watch it every week and sit on my yoga ball watching in awe...wishing i could quit my job and exercise. i recently learned their intake is 1200 in 6000 out per day in calories or something like that. not so sure i could do that.

but i recently started working out.

and it really helps to hear Jillian Michaels and Bob Harpers voices ring in my head....

this is my blog.

this is me trying to overcome this plateau and get the right motions happening.

i am currently yo yoing between 215 and 225

and i want back that 175.

i dont need 130 lbs.

i dont need a size 2.

i dont WANT that either.

those doctors may say my healthy weight is 135 lbs...i say screw it. i never appreciated 175 as much as i do now. i looked good. lean. firm.

to be honest, i dont care what the weight is if i could get into a size 10, i'd be a happy camper.

this is all about things i learn...mistakes i make and successes i achieve.

feel free to give me advice...

this is a topic i dont mind uncolicited advice about ; ]

but im only doing this the healthy way.

calorie counting, exercising. making smart choices...

im gonna do it.