it all started witht he elliptical again. it has become my friend. i have a really hard time running. (ive tried to eliminate CANT from my vocab, but its the way i really feel about running).
but today i made it further than even yesterday. i covered the time and just went. went until i started to feel the burn and then kept going.
i uncovered the time and saw i was at 34 minutes; this is longer than even yesterdays. but i noticed i was nearly at 300 calories...so that became my new goal: to get to 300 calories burned. then i acheived calories burned and decided...hey im SO close to 40 minutes...lets get to 40...once i hit forty i noticed i was at 2.93 miles...so i pressed on to 3 miles...and stayed until after 40 minutes had passed. i almost didnt want to get off of it. instant gratification on that machine, and after 20 minutes i seem to catch a second wind. but i knew i needed to mix it up a bit.
so i went to the leg machines. pushed a little further and did more, by distracting myself with a magazine.
i headed to the free weights and did a few reps of 12 lbers. then headed to the bike where i spent a few minutes cycling.
i stopped off at the stairmaster...instant;y felt a burn and wasnt feeling renewed enough for the challenge on that one, so i worked my upper body a bit and then rowed.
the rowing machine is crazy.
even my neck hurt. How Does it Do That?
holy cats.
but it was good. i tried to work the remnants or beginnings of my abs. not sure how that turned out.
ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast,
a granola bar for a snack.
a couple pieces of jerky for some protein.
then another bowl of cereal for my lunchish (i woke up late and my schedule was off, but, i knew that i needed the extra energy. fat free milk doesnt do me wrong.
i had another granola bar before going to the gym and topped off my workout with 2 turkey wraps. totalling under 300 calories the protein immediately gave me energy...holy crepes, how will i sleep?
the shower after felt awesome. at some points in the workout i think i felt my muscles actually breaking down.
but i feel awesome. i almost was too exhausted today from a twacky sleep schedule that i nearly didnt go, but its amazing how much energy you GET from expending what little energy you might have.
i know its a long journey, and i think ive decided to not weigh myself for awhile.
it could lead to disheartened feelings and crushed emotions.
i want to keep going. i cant keep giving up.
im now paying for this pain, and also the pride that comes with it.
the gym is a place where you are succeeding if you sweat all over yourself; where you dont matter if you are big and bulky.
it doesnt feel uncomfortable.
ive been there before, but always a bit self conscious, but its just a group of people wanting to be healthy, but at different stages. its nice to watch the tiny butt of a woman whos been working her tail off and knowing i can get that too.
its like a high, an addiction.
but after that shower...my muscles are on fire. THIS part i dont know how i feel about.
i do love the feeling of this though. the inner emotional "i'm actually Doing it" feeling.
i weighed myself the other day: the scale i think was way off.
september twenty ninth i went to the doctor and they had me at 218.
the scale at work showed like 8 lbs more. probably just the water weight.
but thats why im not weighing myself. im not going to let it dictate how hard i work out. im gonna give it my all every day i go there.
i wont let it dictate my food; i need to make good choices anyway.
a number isnt what you look.
ill tell you that right now.
i dont look 218 lbs.
what matters is how i feel. and if i dont lose weight but i lose inches and i look healthy at even 250 lbs...i need to accept that i am healthy...and i am me.
someone remind me of that when im having a fat day please.
