My view

You can.

Doing it.

Bout 3 miles in tonight. :) lip synching...loudly. I hope people are watching. :) tonight on repeat is break even by the script. But there has been some adam lamber "whattaya want from me" and some neon trees "animal".

Go get em tiger.

fuck me running...

i have worked out hardcore, at least an hour of cardio 4x a week for about 2 weeks. more than i have in the last ever.

and the scale didnt budge.

i was so distraught that i ate a bit of candy (lets face it...24 years ive waited to be the mom that raids the candy instead of the child who wakes up to the good stuff gone...)

and i maybe had a krispy kreme doughnut..it had sprinkles...and a few cookies.

sometimes i have a childs mentality..."well if youre gonna stay fat im gonna make it worth your while..."

im such an adult.

i want to beat this! this should be easy! come on now!

the world is being a bit cruel to me.

lots of things to get repaired on the car and an insurance debaucle.

i wish i werent so flaky.

and i wish it were easy.

ah well...feet first right?

motivation.

whats my motivation?


today it is ryan reynolds.

yes.

today. my motivation is ryan reynolds.


this may or may not carry over until tomorrow.

and slash or the end of time.


why?

aside from the obvious attraction. there is something deeper.

he is HILARIOUS. and attractive. and FIT.

I. am hilarious.

i have a pretty face.

now for the whole fit thing to come into play.


on that note. lets add scarlett johansson to the list.
she's a babe.
AND she has ryan reynolds for a husband. :]

on that note

im going to go cuddle in bed and think about grocery shopping for GOOD foods tomorrow (not going on an empty stomach, going to JUST stick to the list), working out, my goals, and read up on the new issue of HEALTH magazine with Jillian Michaels on the cover.

im thinking also about a small detox. just from the random crap i put in my body sometimes. no fast food. no energy drinks (i rely on them too much for bad days and skip the water without thinking...ill admit to you random strangers, i had 3 THREE! sugar free rockstars. they are awesome, but not good for you :[ sigh), i will drink a LOT of water with NO artificial sweeteners, and work on mostly veggies while still creating properly balanced meals.

im going to try that for a week and see how i feel.

any ideas? tips...tricks?

let me know.

i need help.

that burp tasted of guilt...

yeah the subject is a little grosser than anyone would imagine.

here's how today went.

woke up went to work, ate a single serving of total whole grain with lowfat milk.

good choice. about 235 calories.

for lunch had a ream of wheat saltines with healthy choice 200 calorie per can chicken noodle soup.

still not too bad. about 550 calories. good choice.

on my lunch today, when i normally work out if the plan isnt going to the gym after work, i didnt work out. the past 5 days have left me exhausted. a day off isnt bad. its not a bad choice. rest is good, even when you arent doing hardcore workouts. it was 5 days of at least 30 mins cardio elliptical or bike. and i needed a break. good choice. i wasnt going tot he gym tonight anyway; i had a team outing planned for my team at work.

dinner came the tough part. the team outing was at red robin.

i was smart; as per my wonderful inspiration in Bob and Jillian from The Biggest Loser, i checked out the menu ahead of time by my trusty friend:

www.dwlz.com (short for dottis weight loss zone, thats how i remember the acronym. this website is awesome, on top of just finding tips n tricks and support up the arse, you will find a nearly completely and regularly updated restaurant list with their menu and meals caloried out for ya with fat and protein grams also provided. also this includes weight watchers points for almost every item...if you are a weight watchers points member.)

i checked out...red robin.

HOLY CREPES! i had NO idea my typical meal there was like this.

im a predictable person. i will fidn a good meal at a restaurant and get the same thing almost every time i go. routine is nice.

here is what my OLD usual meal would be: (courtesy of dwlz.com)

Teriyaki Chicken Burger (900 cal/47g fat/3g fiber/65g carbs/55g protein)

not to mention the steak fries that come with the gourmet burgers at around 400 calories a SERVING.

today i decided to be better. i like garden burgers, being a former vegetarian, so i opted for this choice:

The Garden Burger (578 cal/18g fat/10g fiber/63g carbs/22g protein

it was still keeping me within my recommended calories and not depriving me of a good burger.

i wish i had stopped there.

sometimes God (or whichever belief you believe in) gives you an :out" prior to making bad decisions. mine came in the form of being offered veggies as a side, veggies that i dont really like. i opted for the fries intending to stick with the small serving with the burgers, about 6 fries.

i didnt. i proactively asked for more, and the waiter came back stating the fries were just getting cooked and would be right out. i COULD have said no thanks.

i didnt.

when they came out STEAMIGN hot. i COULD have decided not to eat them. they werent any additional cost.

i didnt choose to forgo them.

so i ate about at least 500 calories in fries...If. Not. More.

i still try to not feel bad. i declined the alcoholic drink i was planning on having.

but i know i need to buckle down. i drank only about 32 oz of water today.

im going to bloat.

i need to get this right and get it right now.

i cant afford this in my life. i want to be healthy. i want to be 167 lbs.

i dont need to be rail thin. and if come 185 lbs i feel awesome, ill tone down the workouts and just work at maintaining my weight loss. but im not happy at 215. and after the past couple days...i bet i gained a little. im going to work at this. im GOING to get it right.

i think i'm going to set the goal of at least 185 by June 2010.

God Help me.

I'm going to need it.

oh my.

im SO tired.

worked out on lunch (27 mins of cardio and light weights).

worked out at work instead of 24 hour so i could be home with jude tonight instead of the gym. glad i did. he is already asleep.

sleepy sleepy guy.

im right there with him.

im amazing how much not working out at a gym can make you feel unaccomplished.

i used to go months without 30 mins of cardio. here i do 30 mins and i feel like i slacked.

im gonna like feeling this way. :]

J checked out the new Kroc community center and wants me to switch gyms.

i'm unsure. i like my 24 hour. :]

im beat.

but love this new energy!

feelin good.

love my life.

october 16th, 2009.

workout partner was not coming to workout, but i pressed on. i was a bit worried i wouldnt push myself as hard without her there. but i took some music and some motivation.

it all started witht he elliptical again. it has become my friend. i have a really hard time running. (ive tried to eliminate CANT from my vocab, but its the way i really feel about running).

but today i made it further than even yesterday. i covered the time and just went. went until i started to feel the burn and then kept going.

i uncovered the time and saw i was at 34 minutes; this is longer than even yesterdays. but i noticed i was nearly at 300 calories...so that became my new goal: to get to 300 calories burned. then i acheived calories burned and decided...hey im SO close to 40 minutes...lets get to 40...once i hit forty i noticed i was at 2.93 miles...so i pressed on to 3 miles...and stayed until after 40 minutes had passed. i almost didnt want to get off of it. instant gratification on that machine, and after 20 minutes i seem to catch a second wind. but i knew i needed to mix it up a bit.

so i went to the leg machines. pushed a little further and did more, by distracting myself with a magazine.

i headed to the free weights and did a few reps of 12 lbers. then headed to the bike where i spent a few minutes cycling.

i stopped off at the stairmaster...instant;y felt a burn and wasnt feeling renewed enough for the challenge on that one, so i worked my upper body a bit and then rowed.

the rowing machine is crazy.

even my neck hurt. How Does it Do That?

holy cats.

but it was good. i tried to work the remnants or beginnings of my abs. not sure how that turned out.

ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast,

a granola bar for a snack.

a couple pieces of jerky for some protein.

then another bowl of cereal for my lunchish (i woke up late and my schedule was off, but, i knew that i needed the extra energy. fat free milk doesnt do me wrong.

i had another granola bar before going to the gym and topped off my workout with 2 turkey wraps. totalling under 300 calories the protein immediately gave me energy...holy crepes, how will i sleep?

the shower after felt awesome. at some points in the workout i think i felt my muscles actually breaking down.

but i feel awesome. i almost was too exhausted today from a twacky sleep schedule that i nearly didnt go, but its amazing how much energy you GET from expending what little energy you might have.

i know its a long journey, and i think ive decided to not weigh myself for awhile.

it could lead to disheartened feelings and crushed emotions.

i want to keep going. i cant keep giving up.

im now paying for this pain, and also the pride that comes with it.

the gym is a place where you are succeeding if you sweat all over yourself; where you dont matter if you are big and bulky.

it doesnt feel uncomfortable.

ive been there before, but always a bit self conscious, but its just a group of people wanting to be healthy, but at different stages. its nice to watch the tiny butt of a woman whos been working her tail off and knowing i can get that too.

its like a high, an addiction.

but after that shower...my muscles are on fire. THIS part i dont know how i feel about.

i do love the feeling of this though. the inner emotional "i'm actually Doing it" feeling.

i weighed myself the other day: the scale i think was way off.

september twenty ninth i went to the doctor and they had me at 218.

the scale at work showed like 8 lbs more. probably just the water weight.

but thats why im not weighing myself. im not going to let it dictate how hard i work out. im gonna give it my all every day i go there.

i wont let it dictate my food; i need to make good choices anyway.

a number isnt what you look.

ill tell you that right now.

i dont look 218 lbs.

what matters is how i feel. and if i dont lose weight but i lose inches and i look healthy at even 250 lbs...i need to accept that i am healthy...and i am me.

someone remind me of that when im having a fat day please.

i feel goood.

went to workout with my workout partner A. today.

30 minutes on the elliptical.

then leg weights.

bench press.

ab workout...i learned here i HAVE NO abs.

free weights.

excellent.

feeling good. almost dont wanna go to bed because then im waking up in pain.

third day this week. much better week than ever else.

excited.

nothing makes you feel more beautiful than working out to your fullest potential and feeling the burn.

i feel so accomplished.

success holds much more value if you didnt want to do it, or didnt think you could.

sparkpeople counted my calories around 1200 today, and i wasnt even hungry at the end of it all.

need to boost the protein to help with healing muscles.

wish i had my own Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper.

wish i could just watch biggest loser everyday...it really is the perfect motivation.