dude

back to raw.

smoothies for the win.

target for a seperate win with a blender for 13$.

poor.

but working through it.

life is a series of curveballs.

but id rather play extra innings than the game to be over.

i binged today because i missed my kid.

binged on ricecakes, kielbasa and cheese bites. yep.

feel sick.

damn it all :]

holy HELL!

look how BIG i was! this was October!
http://marriagemattersoregon.org/2009/10/rachel_may.html

and this is me NOW!

thigh sighs.

its a hard day today.

ive done about 30 mins of cardio every day for 5 days straight. havent gone to 24 hour fitness recently because of wanting to be at home with j, i have been exercising at work.

last night for some random reason i binged a little lotta bit.

well i tried to not make myself feel guilty.

ive been doing well!

its so hard to keep going because i feel im not losing anything.

people make the statements "oh you've lost weight" but when you see yourself in the mirror every day...you dont notice the small changes.

but im trying to keep my chin up.

30 more minutes of cardio and some lighter weight lifting today.

had a couple hershey kisses today to give me smiles through the tough day at work.

but when i went to sit down earlier...i realized how big my thighs are. they are HUGE. its hard to notice their true girth when im standing. but oh my word. its going to be hard to notice the differences. because lets face it...im no size two.

i gotta admit, im rather embarrassed about how i let myself get here.

its hard to focus on the good things sometimes.

i've lost nearly 80 lbs total since the day i actually had my son, 12.27.2009.

EIGHTY!

by working out and eating better (thank you breastfeeding also!) i lost EIGHTY POUNDS in about 10 months.

when you look at it that way, im really just about 30% from my goal.

but damn.

50 lbs is harder than it looks.

50 lbs is a lot more than it looks.

im not aiming for a size 2. heck im not even aiming for a size 10.

its just difficult.

my heart is hopeful; my brain is just getting down today.

i want comfort snacks.

pirates booty for the win!

im going to post pictures soon.

i feel i should wait until there is more progress.

HOW DO PEOPLE KEEP IT UP?

i'm the lowest weight ive been in about 2 or 3 years i wanna say?

its incredibly hard to not just give up.

but i am GOING to do this.

foooooooood!

nature valley granola bars;

180 calories may seem like a lot for a snack, but its my replacement for having a chocolate bar. sometimes i eat a couple a day to eat between meals as my under 200 caorie snacks.

sugar free maple and brownsugar oatmeal packets.

instant is not overrated! i eat 3 of these 100 calorie packets for breakfast and its 300 calories. or i take 2 and mix it with small apple pieces for 300 calories. its so tasty and fills me up good : ]

black coffee.

did you know just drinking black coffee pretty much eliminates all the calories. most house blacks have less than 10 calories per 8 oz cup. add some Splenda no calorie sweetener.

veggies...i love all kinds cooked up. green beans and asparagus are especially a favorite. you can also get those "steamfresh" bags and its a quick treat. add some kosher salt and its super tasty and healthy for you.

easy on the salt tiger.

lean turkey slices are really low cal, add some lettuce and ripe tomatoes in a wheat low calorie tortilla for a snack or even have a couple of these for a meals. you'll get your bread servings and your veggies without added fat or calories. some tortillas have as low as 80 calories for a small.

mashed potatoes are a weakness. but you can swap the potatoes for cauliflower, seriously it doesnt taste much different. the smell is a bit different, but dont let that be off putting.

if i want potatoes i have them...but without ranch without butter without gravy. just a little salt can still make them flavorful, but again watching the sodium is key.

off to run some errands and get some things from the store more to come soon!

La Tortilla Factory's large wheat tortillas are 80 calories and pretty awesome. today i made 2 small turkey wraps and the total cals topped out under 250 calories. :]

it had iceburg lettuce (10 calories for 5 large leafs...yeah they are basically nothing). one small roma tomato cut and sliced into each one. and then turkey slices on top of that.

yum yum yum. they arent as natural tasting as some of the others, but for 50 calories less you can load up on lettuce and change the natural taste a bit.

and i just found out that skinny cow makes Chocolate peanut butter ice cream sandwiches!!!

ah!