Honesty...

im going to be honest. i havent been good.

been craving sweets, and given in to them.

im not sad about it.

i can tell you that im averaging around 203 right now, still in my plateau, even when i cave into the temptations. i dont gain much, or lose much. but today im probably packing on at least 5 lbs in water weight.

the pictures below show it all. this isnt my normal stomach anymore. this is concentrated bloat. not from "Aunt Agnus" that i can tell. i feel like i look moderately pregnant from the side. Im NOT fyi :)

it goes to show that the caving in is not the problem. cheating or giving in to temptation will not cause crazy weight gain if done every once in awhile, but your body may have an adverse reaction...also if you havent drank much water in the recent days. i just had about 32 ounces of water, likely more than i had drank in the last 2 days combined. THIS is why its important. because if your external body has such a drastic effect from not having much water, what is happening on the inside?

bodies are beautiful. i feel good. i know i havent progressed much, and i have fallen off the wagon. but still, im me. and ive maintained this "i feel beautiful" outlook, and plan on doing so.

oh my.

i.hate.having.a.period.

yeah yeah, if you're a guy reading this, get over it. its the elephant in the room. Girls Have Periods. and it sucks...but it guarantees you arent pregnant for another month...and that you are still somewhat of a fertile myrtle.

after having a baby i wont turn my nose up at having a period, for i know what my body is capable of.

but then there are the months, especially when Endo rears her UGLY head, that id rather be in labor. because though it hurts a helluva lot worse...my labor lasted only 27 hours rather than 7 days (or longer...gasp) and they give you the good stuff for the pain, not like my gyno who believes endo wont go away and pain management best be natural. it makes sense the other 3 weeks of the month; you don;t want someone to be addicted to painkillers for a lifelong condition. but then that one week comes up and i want to rip out my uterus and give it to him so he can feel the pain.

ugh.

needless to say, im NOT exercising.
the closest thing i did to good decisions was i ate only ONE bowl of cereal, though my PMS-ey self wanted another. i had a handful of hershey kisses in the throes of the pain. i took a vicodin and then ate some sugarfree jello to settle my stomach followed by cucumbers and pickles as a snack. not too bad of a day. i think im still under 700 calories.

For The Love Of God! (or for the abbreviationally minded...FTLOG!)Para el Amor de Dios! thats definitely not right, but you DONT argue with a woman on the rag. (that, by the way, is a HORRIBLE figure of speech. i dont care the origin its stupid).

im cranky, im bitter, im in PAIN. and im not a peach right now.

my new years resolution is not a resolution. because resolutions are broken. its an agreement.

get some kind of cardio 3x a week until at least May.
supporting a friend of mine will help, as she is working out at work and i should do the same, and making sure im staying true to the Blogger world. (who actually reads this anyway? doesnt matter im pretending i have throngs of fans awaiting to hear my next overweight confession).
now cardio is not just gym work (truth be told i cancelled my 24 hour membership, and once my club privileges run out in march am joining the Kroc Center so i can workout with my baby J.)
but my definition of cardio could be even as simple as mine and A's game of "walk 2 miles in wal mart" during a late night visit.


i have a somewhat desk job.
rarely on my feet unless i need to be...and my whole "i should be clocking in 10,000 steps a day" rarely rings in over 5k.
speaking of which, i should petition for a 5k to be turned into just a race to hit 5000 steps. then id be in a 5k every day : ]

im miserable right now.

appreciate anyone who is out there in the web reading my monthly woes.
send me love and chocolate and let me know if you're reading.
for now. im going to drink the waters (another part of the agreement between 2010 and i) and go cuddle with my sick bebe while the man watches football.

make good decisions and talk to 2010...make an agreement for your wellbeing.

later friends.