owowowowowow.

worked out something fierce on Friday, and i'm paying for it today.

alongside the intense soreness comes cramps.
the cramps.
holy heck these hurt like the dickens cramps.
i did show 1 lb weight loss since last weigh in. water weight mostly.
but still.
31 lbs to go to feel that over 100 off my shoulders, then a little more after that.


Ive been on the couch with a heated rice pad and toblerone...i only ate half...still a lot but i dont even want to get up let alone eat.
i'm hurtin.
i want this weight gone.
uploaded some pictures i'm sure will help me.
(more on that later).
i'm exhausted.
JudeBug has a horrid ear infection and the cold.
we're both poor little creatures right now.
i still have 32 more ounces of water to drink i better get on it.,

until next time.


(tomorrow starts the 30 day shred...unless Ang makes me do it tonight. ugh. goodbye inches.)

GOOOOOAOAAAAALLLL!

i entered the hospital on 12.27.2008 at 281 lbs.
that doesnt count the weight i gained while in there.
i have managed to lose and maintain 69 lbs of that weight loss.
in 32 lbs i will have exceeded 100 lbs of weight loss.
181.
i cant even remember the last time i crossed from the 100s to the 200s.

i want it back.
i did 3 hours of weights yesterday.
im 212 lbs.
i want to be 180 lbs. and then set another goal.

i have personal motivation lately, and it certainly helps to have JBug.
and nanny. she has been a superior motivator : ].

wish me luck and extend some support; im going to need it.


21 lbs to go!

seattle doesnt have diets.

im on vacation.

if i want to get anywhere with my healthy eating i need to learn willpower and good thinking slash decisions.

i arrived in Seattle for my vacation Tuesday evening.

i proceeded to then go to Po Dog, an amazing yet diet killing hot dog dive.
i LOVEd the veggie dog i had.
then came the worst: the frozen custard banana split i shared with A.

today came dry cereal for breakfast, some jelly beans as a snack, and then dinner at a mexican restaurant, i opted for chicken fajitas and my hosts proactively ordered me a 40 oz margarita. holy crepes. i didnt finish it before i was spent.
i had some frozen yogurt blend ice cream for dessert and then we went for a bucket o' rum!
no joke. the Rock restaurant has small kids buckets they fill with a fruity mix of rum and juice.

meh.
tomorrow is thanksgiving.
im not going to beat myself up for bad choices. this is my vacation. i certainly am not going to lose, and will probably gain a little back (there IS a LOT of walking in Seattle though).
but you know what? im thankful for life, for all that i have, even every pound that means i live in a country where i dont worry about my next meal.

my hope is we all take time to go buy food these holidays for one of the families affected by hunger in this beautiful country.
1 in 8 people.

tomorrow i wont gorge on thanksgiving foods. some turkey, potatoes (without butter or any sour cream) and some water and maybe waterfate salad.

we'll see.


i love my life. and im thankful.

but dammit i want that size 12 : ]

beautiful.

im aware of my curves today, in a good way.

work up, took a shower.

wearing sweats and a t shirt, laying on the couch watching a court room drama with the handsome John Travolta.

JudeBug is sleeping.

Im tired. but its a GOOD day.

going to cancel 24 hour membership and sign up at Kroc this week.

gonna swim with my boy a lot!

how blessed i am.

:]

im thankful for life.

i dont think that i say that enough. sometimes i spend SO much time bitchin about how chubby i feel or how im lacking this or that, that i dont stop to yell to the world of the blessings i DO have.


i have life. 23 years of it come this saturday.
i have a beautiful son who will be one next month.
i have a job in this atrocious but recovering economy.
a very lovely modest townhouse.
my awesome fyundai : ]
great family.

im so blessed.


chubbiness is just somethign to work on : ]

secrets.

im tired of wearing jeans either too loose or too tight. wheres the inbetween?

im tired of my legs rubbing when i walk...wearing out my pants.

im tired of being able to physically grab my chub.

im tired of only having a pretty face.

im tired of not being fit.

im tired of not being able to run without exhaustion.

im tired of feeling guilty when i eat something good n greasy.

im tired of gaining weight by eating the good n greasy.

im tired of seeing women who dont have to try to lose or maintain weight loss.

im tired of not being fat enough for weight loss programs...but still being 60 lbs overweight.

im tired of being chubby.

i want a change.

i want to be 167 lbs. still thick n curvy...but not SO thick and bumpy : ] i want to buy clothes off the rack...the non plus size rack.

i want to be able to say...wow. i lost over 100 lbs since my son was born!

i want to run for 10 minutes STRAIGHT.

i want to play a sport. or finish a 5k.

i had a bad week. and its ONLY my fault. i HAVE to get this under control.

by my 24th birthday im going to be under 185 lbs. dammit.

i really should blog daily...

it holds me accountable.


i ate muchas gracias last night.
and vanilla wafers.

i was balls tired, and was keeping myself awake. i went to pick up food for A on the way home, and ended up buying myself something.

im going to keep going. one night wont stop me.


Tara Costa you are a powerhouse. i adore you and i want to have the willpower and strength that you do.

http://www.okmagazine.com/2009/11/biggest-losers-tara-costa-i-let-go-of-my-past/tara-costa-nov-5-5/

i also need to drink more water and maybe get a natural laxative or something.
it seems workign out has done a number on me.
yeah yeah TMI i know, but you're reading this because you're in the same boat right?
let me tell you, maybe i should invest in one of those procedures to clean out my body of waste or detox things and just get rid of 30 lbs of crap...literally lol.


i've been trying to do well.
i'm going through relationship problems...or lack thereof i guess, and havent had the energy to work out. still trying to eat within my calories. i stopped buying skinny cow. because i was eating 2 a night which is still 300 calories.
i have kept myself within the limits of 1600 most days. we'll see.

i COOKED! I cooked!
homemmade chicken noodle soup with chicken broth, chicken breast, celery, carrots, and onion and noodles. perfection!


i'm feeling blessed.

oh yeah, and i'm dragging my size 16 to see BB King tonight. gonna have a few drinks but ill be good : ]

ugh

man. its been a rough coupla days.

after a few days off cardio, i went back on. kept eating healthy every day (cept one because i had a craving for those tiny deep fried burritos...yum. but despite it all, i still gained 3 lbs?

how?

so i stopped looking. i need to get my water intake back up. i also just got off of miss lady thing. so maybe im bloated?

we are deciding on meal plans and better eating habits. we spent WAYY too much money on food last month outside of grocery shopping. time to tighten the budget and make sure to save some cash.

i ran yesterday! i ran! for 5 minutes. not a full on sprint...but folks. I. Dont. Run.

and i ran!!!!

:] i look like a bear havign a seizure when i run, but i RAN!

:]


talk about success.



heres hoping my work still gets me there.

holy cats.

been a tiring past couple days. cardio resumed. 30 mins per day.

eating fairly well. we took a date out to cinnebarre last night. i was smart and ate subway prior so i wouldnt eat their food.

i did munch on a couple deep fried pickle chips...how can you NOT?!

a week without biggest loser sucks. it really motivates. local channel aired the blazer game and preempted Bl and they didnt reschedule an airing.

this better not happen again :(

im TIRED. work has been exhausting. coupled with cardio...oy.

although some things i like for some snacks.


Progresso Light soups are under 200 cals a can and a great lunch with some wheat saltines...easy on the sodium! make sure you nail the water intake. i've been bad about that.

also, some pizza flavored pasta sauce is around 30 cals per serving. i take a serving of that and put it on a couple servings of wheat saltines for some pizza flavoring without eating pizza : ]

i am about 210 now at last weigh in 2 nights ago.

still eatin my skinny cow for my sweet craving or really small tastes of foods i want. :]

this could be good. just wishing 7 lbs lost was more than it actually is.