26.2 in 26.2

Friday Dec 10th: 3.0

Sat Dec 11th: 2.5

Wednesday Dec 15th: 3.5

Thursday: Dec 16th: 3.5

Friday Dec 17: 1.5

total: 14 miles. 1 week.

total remaining: 12.2 miles with 19 days remaining.

what have i been listening to during my workouts?

Adam Lambert "whattaya want from me"

Hanson "Wasting Time"

Hanson "My Own Sweet Time"

The Script "Break Even"

Lifehouse "Whatever It Takes"

OutKast "Hey Ya"

Matisyahu "One Day"

: )

feeling good. getting lots of water in by holding someone else accountable for the same thing.

long night of debauchery and sinning had me up til 630 and up again at 830 for the day. so i cheated with a sugar free rockstar and a nonfat annihilator. but im allowing it. :)

lets goooooooooooooooooooo.

Another workout...

3.5 miles on the elliptical today to total 8.5 miles in 5 days into the 26.2 miles in 26.2 days challenge. Baby steps. Also added 1.14 miles on bike..but those don't count for the run slash walking month long marathon challenge. Spirits are high; I'm beautiful regardless :)

:) for funsies....

A reminder I'm beautiful in my own skin...no make up and some chub underneath...

My view

You can.

Strength

Flexibility. Stamina. All things I have gained...even if the scale hasn't moved...I'm a stronger me. Incredible. Why do I take that for granted?

Doing it.

Bout 3 miles in tonight. :) lip synching...loudly. I hope people are watching. :) tonight on repeat is break even by the script. But there has been some adam lamber "whattaya want from me" and some neon trees "animal".

Go get em tiger.

sigh

i love knowing there are ups and downs to my journey. because everyone has them. and i feel comfortable about them knowing of others, and have often times googled to find blogs or stories of people that go through the ups and downs like those.

fat people dont lose all the weight without a struggle.

not all thin people were born that way or had an easy time getting there.

its not all rainbows and butterflies.

it sometimes is hard work. and sometimes it makes you want to give up.

but those that succeed either didnt give up...or they overcame giving up.

Biggest Loser...Where Are They Now?

watching this episode and having a range of emotions.

it didnt take this long for their weight to come off.

and they had more.

they all seem happy.

and im having a down day.

it must be in the air.

or something.

there is something missing.

and i cant put my finger on it.

30 lbs. go.the.fuck.away.

im tired of you. even if it does mean ill be colder.

reading back

on my old posts...its a series of ups and downs. no one ever said it would be easy...or that it would be this hard.

persistence is key.

feet first.

lets do this.

worst.photo.ever.

After....
and BEFORE.

this photo was taken the day i was released from the hospital. i was 281 lbs.

im ashamed to even post this.

but if this gives one person the strength to make a change....thats all that matters.

I swear it looks different in person...

:]

back on track. eating better working out. feeling good. pants are fitting any different except for one pair. but i feel great :]

fuck me running...

i have worked out hardcore, at least an hour of cardio 4x a week for about 2 weeks. more than i have in the last ever.

and the scale didnt budge.

i was so distraught that i ate a bit of candy (lets face it...24 years ive waited to be the mom that raids the candy instead of the child who wakes up to the good stuff gone...)

and i maybe had a krispy kreme doughnut..it had sprinkles...and a few cookies.

sometimes i have a childs mentality..."well if youre gonna stay fat im gonna make it worth your while..."

im such an adult.

i want to beat this! this should be easy! come on now!

the world is being a bit cruel to me.

lots of things to get repaired on the car and an insurance debaucle.

i wish i werent so flaky.

and i wish it were easy.

ah well...feet first right?

worked out

worked out tues wed thurs fri and sun this week. tok off monday and tuesday and now going back today. i want this. i want to be better. i want to feel good. im amazed at my stamina...just excited and anxious. wish life was like the biggest loser and 10 lbs would magically come off after a week. bit im proud of myself.

do something that makes you proud of yourself. itll make a huge difference in your life.

I remember lasting 15 mins last year.

I remember the first one hour elliptical was a huge thing.

Now I regularly clock an hour.

I'm feeling strong.

Thank you freidman.

raw food.

im back on like 78% raw food.

ive fallen off the healthy eating wagon a couple times.

but im doing well.

and i cant seem to shake any of the weight.

its irritating but im not giving up.

i realized that i never get below 195 and im TIRED OF IT. i want to keep it up and feel proud of myself.

on a slightly related way,

pluots are the shit.

seriously.

more to come when im not hungover :]

dude

back to raw.

smoothies for the win.

target for a seperate win with a blender for 13$.

poor.

but working through it.

life is a series of curveballs.

but id rather play extra innings than the game to be over.

i binged today because i missed my kid.

binged on ricecakes, kielbasa and cheese bites. yep.

feel sick.

damn it all :]

new city...

and im going to lose this weight.

had milk and jamba for breakfast and am nomming on some grapes as a snack :]

gotta lose this weight for my new life!

ugh

sometimes i know better.

other times i know better and dont pay attention.

i know WHAT it takes to be thinner and healthier.

but do i do it? no. im SO lame.

and im fed up with myself. if it were any other person repeatedly breaking promises to me and letting me down would i keep up with them...NO. so why let myself do it?

im better than that.

chubby. but alive :]

moving today out of Js house and into my own place. scary :(

praying and trusting.

haircut...

cut it too short. and this is forcing me to lose weight. gotta love the science in my noggin eh?

round 199

got under 200 again.

yes that is right after the morning pee :]

i look forward to being under 20 right before bed when my belly is fully is full.

today i took J to the farmers market in Portland (holla to ya Krugers)

and we spent 20$ on some good fresh greens and colors.

im grateful to show him such good things.

the raw food is still going. eating at least 50%.

i still drink caffeine which is something most raws dont.

i also had cooked corn today. YUM.

its important to do what feels right and moral to you, as long as it doesnt affect anyone else.

to me, it feels right to drink water and sometimes have coffee, to eat plums and grapes and apricots and strawberries.

it feels good to put a little smart balance on my corn.

and it feels good to feel GOOD after eating.

:]

i eat and eat and eat and its still not pushing it. and even when im STUFFED i feel like i made good choices.

i wish everyone would try it, just to see the way their bodies feel after even 3 days just eating 75% raw. :] even just 75% vegetarian!

life is beautiful, so am i, so is my son, and the world.

loves!

when i update next i vow to be another lb...or just have something important to say.

food cravings.

ill be honest here.

stopped birth control many a moon ago,

but i can assure you, im not pregnant. i wanted hormones away from me.

to help with weight loss.

besides im a single mum slash student who just got a part time job, no time for debauchery!

but i have been having the WORST cravings ever.

like ice cream, days in a row.

then today, a hamburger.

its difficult. but im working on it.

im getting that body damn it.

am i an emotional eater?

worst day.

well...worst of the past 3 worst days.

so i celebrated it by eating a crap ton of ice cream. in front of the tv.

my body hadnt had it in MONTHS and i threw up immediately.

i dont regret it.

im proud of my body for disagreeing with what my mind wants.

its gonna be a long month.

ups and downs.

had a couple ups and a couple downs. did the raw food thing for 2 weeks and dropped a few lbs. but this was never meant to be a permanent thing, so of course a lb or 2 came back.

i feel good. immersing myself in school. waiting on financial aid. doing my step aerobics class. pulling all nighters for Spanish class.

hoping for a trip to Mexico in October.

hoping for lots of things.

have a job interview Monday.

the world is my oyster. :]

i hope i can keep being smart. i had a horrible dinner tonight, like it was so bad for me i got the sweats.

im still about 50% raw food but also started eating some tuna and pickles as part of it. that cras got like Protein up the wazoo!

anyhow. im going now.

Chau!

raw food

i have started a raw food diet.

not to lose weight, but as a way of life and i will likely be staying vegetarian.

i havent updated here recently. i have recently found such spiritual enlightenment that my mind has been elsewhere.

but i will post pictures. i played hooky from kickboxing today to recuperate. and i have kickboxing class in another 7 hours basically.

wahoo.

im easing into it.

not cutting out caffeine cold turkey and leaving a little milk since im doing some strenuous exercise.

but adding more water, more tea, more good foods. i feel great! i can tell my body wants what it used to have and it is motivation to get rid of it :]

ill check back soon!

whoa...

right after a haircut. early 2010.
this is the smallest i think i have gotten in over 5 years. this was about march 2010 and right after this i gained about 20 lbs back. if you slack...it comes back. be GOOD.

i love feeling beautiful.
when i was bigger...i did NOT wear dresses by choice.
i can find em in my size now!
this i believe was a size 12 regular dress. (eff you bridal sizes)
november 2009
size 14 november 2009
having fun, because i felt GREAT
the feeling i remember i had that day i will feel again :]

damn i looked good.
at a blazer game...november 2009.
round november 2009 also. the jeans look MUCH better here than below eh?
something. sometimes.
morning time.
october 29th 2009. right before it started to really come off :]
i dont know when this was...but these jeans i believe were the size 16s :]
im amazing at getting goood angles.
sometimes you have to lose shame to gain motivation.
oh my word.
right after my tattoo i think early september 2009.
September 2009.
also september i think. having fun with angles ;]
it was a long car ride and i got bored.
J's daddy and i.
summertime at a baseball game.
chubby me and little bug.
decent photo i spose.
oh my word. bad angle much?
oye.
this one boggles my mind. he was pretty new here i think. less than 5 months old for suresies.
:]
i think about 4 months postpartum?

ha i love his face and am shocked by mine.
whoa.

thats all i have to say.

just going through pics from the memory card on my phone.

oh my word. here are some in a very random order through the past 18 months.

it has been such a transformation and we arent done yet. we have 32 lbs to go. thats right. im openly admitting that i have gone from 281 to 195 in 14 months only to go back up to 215 from March 2010-June 2010. its on now.

its 180 or bust.

i want to say ive lost 100 lbs and be truthful :]

and then get to the 168 region so that i dont have to ever be above 181 ever again...cept when i have another child :]

i love life.