this is getting old...lets try something new....

im not a fan of this whole ordeal.

i weighed myself today.

either my last weigh in of 28#s lost was wrong, and it was actually only 18#s lost...or ive gained 10 lbs. i really want to believe that it was the former. but really is either of them a positive story? regardless the reason, i have 90 lbs to lose to my real goal.
i just feel defeated sometimes.
im 270 lbs.
EW!!!!!

i NURSE EXCLUSIVELY!!! I CUT OUT ALL DAIRY!!!
 i should be getting some help with this shit man!
im concerned my post partum thyroiditis has returned. im also concerned it hasnt.

J bought me the biggest loser game. ill be starting it on a day that ISNT 80 degrees out. (hey oregon. i LOVE the rain!)
i also made a good choice tonight.
i had a sammich (no cheese) and a banana for dinner.


the most disgusting part would have to be the walking.yesterday we went on a walk to the fire station for a birthday party. i carried Ms carseat the whole way, so i was walking with about 15lbs in my arms, and wearing flip flops. not a good choice. but today, my legs HURT.
i feel lame that my legs hurt.
short stupid walk.
stupid legs.

GET IN SHAPE!
without me trying hard dammit.
yeah its irrational. but what do you expect?
ive already fought this fight once. i hate that i have to start over.

but you know what? i have the CUTEST excuse for starting over again.


i love my maya narae.

:) for funsies....

A reminder I'm beautiful in my own skin...no make up and some chub underneath...

I swear it looks different in person...

whoa...

right after a haircut. early 2010.
this is the smallest i think i have gotten in over 5 years. this was about march 2010 and right after this i gained about 20 lbs back. if you slack...it comes back. be GOOD.

i love feeling beautiful.
when i was bigger...i did NOT wear dresses by choice.
i can find em in my size now!
this i believe was a size 12 regular dress. (eff you bridal sizes)
november 2009
size 14 november 2009
having fun, because i felt GREAT
the feeling i remember i had that day i will feel again :]

damn i looked good.
at a blazer game...november 2009.
round november 2009 also. the jeans look MUCH better here than below eh?
something. sometimes.
morning time.
october 29th 2009. right before it started to really come off :]
i dont know when this was...but these jeans i believe were the size 16s :]
im amazing at getting goood angles.
sometimes you have to lose shame to gain motivation.
oh my word.
right after my tattoo i think early september 2009.
September 2009.
also september i think. having fun with angles ;]
it was a long car ride and i got bored.
J's daddy and i.
summertime at a baseball game.
chubby me and little bug.
decent photo i spose.
oh my word. bad angle much?
oye.
this one boggles my mind. he was pretty new here i think. less than 5 months old for suresies.
:]
i think about 4 months postpartum?

ha i love his face and am shocked by mine.
whoa.

thats all i have to say.

just going through pics from the memory card on my phone.

oh my word. here are some in a very random order through the past 18 months.

it has been such a transformation and we arent done yet. we have 32 lbs to go. thats right. im openly admitting that i have gone from 281 to 195 in 14 months only to go back up to 215 from March 2010-June 2010. its on now.

its 180 or bust.

i want to say ive lost 100 lbs and be truthful :]

and then get to the 168 region so that i dont have to ever be above 181 ever again...cept when i have another child :]

i love life.