beeeeen baaaaddd.

got sick this month.

and it wasnt the good "no apetite" sick. it was the "i cant pull myself up off the couch into a standing position...but im hungry as heck" sick.


i can almost certainly guarantee ive gained back...but my wii wont turn on right now to check. probably a good thing.

gone back to the old ways for awhile. and christmas didnt help. when i was younger christmas was ONE DAY. december 25th. now that i have a family., its now Christmas Eve, Christmas and other days if we all need to get together. sigh.

my Son Turned One.

holy crap.

amazing.

he is BEAUTIFUL and i am SO blessed for him. i ate a trillion cupcakes, or 5. and felt horribkle. but i regret NOTHING on that day. im his mommy and in his eyes i am beautiful and perfect and just the way he likes.

i keep remembering...i need to get the body i deserve before he is old enough to remember me big.
that way the mom he sees is ALWAYS the mom he finds beautiful. life if for this guy. and its wonderful.

im hungry.


im at about 1kj calories today. not too shabby got dinner left. and a movie...its todays temptation.

not gonna lie...

ive been bad. ever since i got sick this month ive slacked. its hard to go a week without cardio and then get back in. i have been loosely counting calories, and ive certainly gained lbs back.


its hardcore, because i know i deserve every lb.
but i will get better.
for Christmas my sister bought me some portion bowls and a new water bottle; i also recieved my pedometer from the health insurance company. its pretty decent. but i had no idea how many steps 10,000 is. ive clocked maybe 74 since i put it on :]

i havent eaten very well today. one pancake, egg white omelette and potatoes with ketchup. some pirates booty (260 calories worth) cup o java and a rockstar.
i went to bed at 0130 woke up at 0700. oh how i wish for a vacation. gotta do something to get moving.

my boy will be ONE on SUNDAY!

Before and current Pictures.

oh my word.

oh my word.


while doing some looking into a christmas present for a friend, i found myself going into old photos. and found some i had never seen before. my friends took them, the day i had my son.

i was nearly 300 lbs.
dont believe me?
take a gander.





i dont think i ever truly realized what i looked like at the end.

since this time, i have lost 76 lbs.
holy crap.

i have been sick for a couple days, literally, not leaving the house curled up on the couch, and feeling miserable. not just because of my ailment but also because that means im being sedentary. ive been staying within my calories, sometimes eating things i shouldnt. we all resort to comfort at times like this.
but im working on it.

my scale is my wii balance board.
i use it with the biggest loser game.
i use the same scale each time. and do it the same time, first thing in the a.m.
3rd day sick i was down to 206.
im sure that has gone up and i havent been doing as well with the waters as id like.
but still.
im proud of this.
i went from clearly obese to not obese : ].

will be excited when i can start working out again.
thats a lie. but im excited for weight loss.

here are some current photos. just took them.
please forgive the messy bathroom.
the blue shirt is one i made after my friend Shane passed, and i havent worn it comfortably since he died in Feb 2006. its been nearky 4 years. its evident to me the weight piled on after i lost him and also a couple others.
anyhow. my bathroom slash laundry room is messy.
and keep in mind i am rather excellent with cameras at making myself look awesome. (i think any fat girl is).
but this is me.

sickness.

this feel horrible.

im not going to lie. i couldn't afford this.
im sick, and this is day 2 of not being at work, day 3 of feeling horrible.
what started out as an intense sore throat on Friday turned into all over soreness, fatigue and weakness on Saturday and Grand Central Mucus today complete with hot and cold flashes, weakness and coughing. my head feels like its going to explode.
i ate like crazy on friday, definitely over my 1600 calories. saturday i only felt the energy to eat crackers and beef barley stew. and today so far, i dont even remember what ive had. i know ive had a lot of coffee and theraflu. warm liquids for the win.
coffee probably isnt the best thing for me, but oh well. i cant sleep away the day. i have to somewhat watch the baby j. thank goodness for nanny A.

im exhausted.

but.

im down 2 lbs. i don't know how. i haven't burned anything other than the sedentary 85 calories an hour in 3 days.

i have been keeping up my water so im not just losing water weight.
im down to 206.

it feels nice to at least feel like ive been accomplished while im still sick. im making decent, all right decisions.

for now i am feeling cloudy head.
i'm going to rest.
now that i've coughed all over my laptops.
ugh.

26 lbs to go.

im overweight now...wooo!

only time i can joke about that.

i weighted myself last night after about 80 oz of water and a big dinner.

of course, it showed 211. i got discouraged until i remembered, first thing in the morning. and i was right. first thing this mornign before coffee, breakfast oir water i weighed myself.
207-208.
for my height, that makes my BMI 29.8 which is just at the very tip of the OVERWEIGHT category and not the OBESE category.

im working on it. slowly but surely.

just by may, thats all i need. thats 28 lbs in the next 23 weeks.

1.21 lbs per week.

i can do this. i CAN do this!

dude.

i wasnt THAT good today.

i had 2 skinny cows: 300 calories.
veggie fajitas on my super amazing Don Pancho tortillas.
subway for lunch...i splurged on a higher calorie one. yummay!
and a granola bar for breakfast. and my coffee. oh i needed it.


i didnt do the shred today or do any of my workouts. but i had a really really rough day.

im getting a lot more people noticing.

i am thinning up a little bit.
im hoping to maintain this.

i need this for me.

:]

just bought some new workout sweats at walmart to replace the ones i wore today.

went from the XL to the L : ]

things are coming along; im not as responsible as i would like to be. but i am gettign there.

May.

my baby will be 17 months old and me 100 lbs lighter than the day i went into labor.


im excited thrilled nervous and restless.

but its gonna happen!

LOVE MY LIFE : ]

jillian michaels

30 day shred has convinced me i do NOT want to work out with her.

holy cats.

ive done it before but it HURTS.


i remember why i stopped.

oh my.

oh my.


im down to 210 says my scale on the wii.


30 lbs to goal!!!!

im close. im 2 lbs away from not being obese anymore lol.

yay.


praying for my family during hard financial times...

and praying i can keep this going. lets go for broke daddy...and not be broke anymore : ]


loves and loss.


m.

05.27.2010

on May 27th 2010 Julian will be 17 months old.

i am going to be 180 lbs on 05.27.2010.

im 211 now.

i bought a kettlebell today.
i have been using my yoga ball for back extensions and for torso turns with a medicine ball.
im using the kettlebells and small 5 lb hand weights for basic strength training and exercises.

i need to lose about 1.25 lbs per week to reach my goal.

i can do this.

i have a healthy weight coach from my insurance calling me biweekly.

she wants me to hit 3500 cals burned per week ( 1 lb worth) and eat 1600 calories or less.

do i think this is reasonable? yes, but i can tell you i am probably not going to reach it.

i hate giving up time with J to work out.
but its time to step it up. i have to meet this. to show me, to show big J to show little j that i care about them and i love them and for me. i need this. this closure.

i want energy, stamina. i want to be able to run.

i have of course like always flaked out on my exercising i was once so gung ho about. but i am going to do this. somehow some way healthy like.


i love my life. i love my sons life. i want to make it the best for him that i can, and i need to get healthy. my BMI as of last week was 30.3. im 3 lbs away from crossing from the OBESE mark to the OVERWEIGHT mark.
when im 180 i will be lbs away from being Normal Healthy Weight BMI.

support, comments, flattery...offer me what you can.


i love my life.