sigh

i love knowing there are ups and downs to my journey. because everyone has them. and i feel comfortable about them knowing of others, and have often times googled to find blogs or stories of people that go through the ups and downs like those.

fat people dont lose all the weight without a struggle.

not all thin people were born that way or had an easy time getting there.

its not all rainbows and butterflies.

it sometimes is hard work. and sometimes it makes you want to give up.

but those that succeed either didnt give up...or they overcame giving up.

Biggest Loser...Where Are They Now?

watching this episode and having a range of emotions.

it didnt take this long for their weight to come off.

and they had more.

they all seem happy.

and im having a down day.

it must be in the air.

or something.

there is something missing.

and i cant put my finger on it.

30 lbs. go.the.fuck.away.

im tired of you. even if it does mean ill be colder.

reading back

on my old posts...its a series of ups and downs. no one ever said it would be easy...or that it would be this hard.

persistence is key.

feet first.

lets do this.

worst.photo.ever.

After....
and BEFORE.

this photo was taken the day i was released from the hospital. i was 281 lbs.

im ashamed to even post this.

but if this gives one person the strength to make a change....thats all that matters.

I swear it looks different in person...

:]

back on track. eating better working out. feeling good. pants are fitting any different except for one pair. but i feel great :]

fuck me running...

i have worked out hardcore, at least an hour of cardio 4x a week for about 2 weeks. more than i have in the last ever.

and the scale didnt budge.

i was so distraught that i ate a bit of candy (lets face it...24 years ive waited to be the mom that raids the candy instead of the child who wakes up to the good stuff gone...)

and i maybe had a krispy kreme doughnut..it had sprinkles...and a few cookies.

sometimes i have a childs mentality..."well if youre gonna stay fat im gonna make it worth your while..."

im such an adult.

i want to beat this! this should be easy! come on now!

the world is being a bit cruel to me.

lots of things to get repaired on the car and an insurance debaucle.

i wish i werent so flaky.

and i wish it were easy.

ah well...feet first right?