245.2

clearly i need more fiber.


apparently my intestines didnt get yesterdays message i sent in the form of:

oatmeal
2 servings of fiber powder
tea
coffee
and all fruit smoothie
and then a rockstar

yesterday i walked carrying Maya for 85 minutes. EIGHTYFIVE. i walked. witha  15 lb load.
and i should have seen SOME movement. COME ON!!!!


i shall not give up for i will win if i am more stubborn than my body.

exerciiiiiseeeee

so jamie got me a bike! and we got him one too. we didnt ride today. but we DID pay catch pretty vigorously (with running and jumping and everything) for about 30 mins and then i walked with my girl strapped to me for another 40. burned a good amoutn of calories and had a decent eating day.

heres hoping my hormones stop with the douchery and i see the scale move!


245 looks good but 244 would look even better :]

245.0

Haven't lost or gained the last 2 days. But I'm sure my body is just adjusting :) and I likely need more fiber and its about time that I retain water for the month. So...yeah. all I know its I've been active the last few days, and losing ounces isn't a bad thing...I just like lbs more :)

248.00

just to rub it in that ive lost FORTY lbs since maya was born. and 10lbs in the last 2 weeks through breastfeeding, diet (eating enough calories to maintain a baby) and exercise. im prouda me.

i like this feeling of not always putting off moving around. im growing as a person while shrinking as a person.

aweesssssommmmmme.

249.4

smoothie! i have written a bit about drinking smoothies everyday. this is an example of one :) 1 medium banana, 1 small peach and one large peach, 1 cup strawberries, and less than one half cup of nonfat yogurt. 268 calories and wonderful! 1.5 large tumblers full! love it! makes me feel good and is instrumental in my weight loss!

J has been WONDERFUL helping to cook healthier! we used sammich thins 100 calories, tomatoes, onions, spinach, and tuna with NO mayo and some balsamic vinegar and relish. it tasted AMAZING! my entire dinner was only like 500 calories! LOVE IT!


also yesterday we went to the beach, and i walked along the beach with my 15 lb baby girl and then i played catch ont he sand with J. it was SUCH a workout!

i love feeling healthier. this is a good thing. i can identify all the cheating i did last time that i accepted and owned. but heres the thing...all that crap was simply that..CRAP.
im excited to see how this thing plays out. :) im also excited to see my body again! 68ish lbs to go!

Beach.

This is what happens when you go to the beach as a healthy person. You walk 20 mins in the sand then play catch and get a real workout. 4 years ago if I was on a beach and you said "hey, wanna exercise?" Ib be like "nuh uh". I'm proud of this :)

Another lb down today. 250! Well...to be fair....249.8 but still :)

1.5" gone with the wind

1.5" off of this flabby ole tummy is gone. still 8 inches bigger than 1.5 years ago. but ill take a loss right now!

Daily Shake!

and im not talking body by vi :)
not that there is anything wrong with it, but ive got a couple reasons it doesnt work for ME.
i dont wanna pay extra.
i am nursing.
i want to be in control of what goes into my body.

so everyday i make a smoothie using fresh or frozen by me fruit, and a splash of nonfat yogurt for binding. they range from 225 cals to 350 and they are AMAZING!

bob harper says in his book the skinny rules, that we should eat apples and berries everyday. its my way of getting my berries in and its helped a ton!

if you dont have a ninja or other food proccessor...GET ONE! this is amazing!

today was one peach, cuppa strawberries and a banana. 289 calories with the yogurt and it was filling and delish!

and its got fiber. and we all know, if youve read this blog from the get go...that I LOVE FIBER. :)

reality check!

so first off let me toot horns: ive lost 6 lbs this week! 6 lbs in 7 days! wahooo!

next i LOVE that i did this blog. to be able to look back to each stage in my weight loss the first time is awesome and motivating. i can see all the problems and all the bad choices. i can see where i went right and wrong and do the good things and not the bad.
i can also see pictures. motivating inspiring lovely pictures. here are some of the highlights from my time as a skinny person before baby #2 :)

also some measurements! here are my measurements from Jan 15th 2010 - when i was about 200ish. 

small natural waist: 34"

thickest part of love handles 41" (cringe)

neck 13.5"

mid ribs under bust 36.5" (down from 38/40 : ])

calves 15"

Largest part of my thigh: THIS one was a hard one to see. 26.5

now i am about to measure my beastly body right now. i know it wont be pretty. 

neck: 15.5 (2 inches larger)

small natural waist: 38.5 ( 4.5 inches larger)

thickest part of love handles: 49 (8 inches bigger)

mid ribs under bust: 39.5 (3 inches larger)

calves: 16.5 (1.5 inches larger)

largest part of my thigh:  30.5 (4 inches bigger)

added hips under muffin top: 48.5


WHOA. gues its good im trying my damndest!


its a LITTLE disheartening...but i call it my rock bottom. it may be depressing...but the only thing i cxan do about it is kick its ass right?

Preparation!

100 calorie bags of carrots for noms.

and fresh made froxen strawberries and peaches! :)

perfect for my smoothies!

251.6

trust the process!!!

ive been reading "the skinny rules" by bob harper which is wonderful. eye opening really, and it outlines the new lifestyle, as opposed to a diet. 

anyway, we all know i trust bob harper and every word he says because hes cute, fit, and he gets results. 

he says its okay to weigh in every day. that it can be motivating and not detrimental to weightloss. 

so i do. 

and every morning i step on the scale expecting to see a positive. 

instead, every day for the last 6 days, i have seen nearly a lb lost. last saturday i weighed in at 257. today, friday, i weighed in at 251.6.

i have ben tracking on myfitnesspal (BEST APP EVER). and i can SEE the calories i eat and burn. but i still expect failure. thats the result of a lot of halfass attempts that i didnt get results, and a couple full attempts that didnt yield results either. 

im excited though. we started eating fish. tried talapia. i like it! and there is even some parmesan encrusted talapia that is really low calorie! 

ive made a few of bobs changes. 

i allow myself to go to bed hungry by not eating after dinner. 

i drink water before each meal. 

i ate FISH! 

i eat berries everyday (i make a smoothie every morning, fresh fruit, some frozen berries, a spoon or two of yogurt for texture...its helped a ton!)

im excited to eventually get back to my goal. as time goes on ill believe the numbers. i know i will. it just takes awhile to change your perception of reality. 

i love me. 

go love you!

IRRITATION. and pictures. BEWARE.

lets see how many UNFLATTERING pictures i can take eh? haha in glasses, unplucked, face unwashed, just blah. 

but you know what? sometimes you have to STRIP it all down and see it at its worst to work towards the "at its best" portion. i should know...ive done it already before. 

but ive been having a rough time.  these pictures were taken two weeks ago ish? not much as changed. ive been counting calories with the myfitnesspal App. AWESOME app. my brother in law has lost 26 lbs this month with it, and my sister has lost 12.2 so far this month. me? ive gained 2 lbs. WHAT THE FUCK? seriously? i dont get it. J suggested maybe my thyroid problem is back. im scared to find out. us chubby people, we all have those moments when you think "shoot. maybe ill NEVER lose weight".

im SO happy for my Brother in Law and my Sister. but this is ridiculous! i know i know 30 lbs in 5 months is good. yeah its "good" for a normal person to lose 30 lbs in 5 months is great but for someone who just had a baby? shit, 15 of that comes off THAT DAY practically. so really ive lost like 15 lbs in 5 months. neither number is impressive.

so here it is. this. ick. this grossness. 

im better than this. im confident, and sexy and beautiful. THIS isnt me. 

and dammit, thyroid or not im defeating this body that has failed me and im giving it the finger. 

i alot myself about 1900 calories. (the 1400 i would normally eat to lose weight plus 500 for breastfeeding, still puts me at a low calorie number). yeah BREASTFEEDING. i should be losing like a lb a week JUST doing that. what is happening in this body?! i havent exceeded that amount this whole week. im getting irritated and stubborn and determined. and body...you do NOT want to see me angry. 

soon. itll come off. it has to. it has no choice. this isnt me. and i love me. i want me back. 

meh. 

sorry for these in advance :] ill put better ones up soon. 

My son wanted a picnic :)

No added fats

Wheat bread, and turkey and romaine as a snack. I miss cheese. But it's just this week! I can do it!

hmmmm this week.

not much to update, although i will say i am kind of dreading "weigh in". i havent owned my own scale in ever. seriously. i HATE them. but i had to get one for my weight management classes. since they are online, and im taking at least 6 months of the class i needed it...and the only thing more nervewracking than buying the scale was the measuring tape that i needed too. every week measurements of neck, arms, thighs, hips and waist, and my weight.ewwww. before i dive more into the class, just an update on my self confidence and esteem. a few weeks ago i bought a skirt in a size 24. it was a very baggy skirt, so i knew it wasnt true size, but yesterday my sister gave me 2 pairs of size 22s and a size 24 jean. they fit damn near perfectly. its irritating really. i am looking through old pictures on the memory card in my phone and im seeing myself in size 14 pants....or size 12. and here i am 18 months later HERE?! its my doing, and the pregnancy, so im trying to not be hard on myself. after all, i have photos of me after i had my son and even 8, 9, 10 months later i was still around this weight that i am now. the weight loss really picked up right before my son was about 11 months old and then progress until he was about 2. then it started coming back. why? because i ate reeses pieces all the time. i was so comfortable in my postfat body that i thought i was invincible. its as if losing the weight means it wont find you again when you make shitty choices. NOT TRUE. 

i know this time it will be better. i know the ins and outs of weight loss. sure, there are days when i think...shit, im 258 lbs. what the hell?! and i get mad and pissed and irritated that i have to do it all over again.

 then i look at Maya. i look at her and think..i would NOT be this fat had i not been pregnat with her perfect self. i would walk through fire for this girl, why wouldnt i be willing to happily walk through fat for her? and i think....yes, ive lost 30 lbs since she came. i cant see much of a difference really. but im stronger. and she sees me and doesnt see fat. she sees mamma. my son doesnt see fat, he sees pretty mahmee..."his heart" as he says. and who the hell can complain about weight when the two most important people ever think im beautiful :) itll be a long process. i just gotta tell myself. maya is 4.5 months old. did i expect to be 195 by this time? hell no! i expected to lose all the weight by month 10. ive got 4.5 MORE months to go. and i am challenging myself with this class and such. im making changes, and changing my body. im doing it. and i gotta start somewhere. my somewhere was 30 lbs ago. im NOT 288 lbs right now. im mid challenge and so what if ive got some tme and lbs to lose!? its going to come off if i am consistent. im trying to tell myself dont get mad that its not gone by 5 months..get mad if its not gone by 18 months. puts some of the pressure away :) 

anyhow. a few victories. ive eaten a smoothie every day for a bit. feel great and it helps digeston :) drinking more water. yesterday i had a subway sammich instead of the shit i wanted to eat. 

small victories. im on sub sammich closer to a better healthier weight :)

so the class.

the class is entirely online, and even the professor admits it would be easy to cheat. as she points out though, it would only be cheating ourselves. every week there is a "health habit" something easy like "drink 8 glasses of water a day" and each week it changes. there is also a journal entry, and required 20 mins of cxardio or exercise 3x a week. its good, gives me something and someone to be accountable to. here is my first entry. 

 Weight: 258.0 (EWWWWW however this IS 30 lbs down from 02.15.2012, the day i had my daughter :])

Measurements:

• Waist: 51"
• Hips: 46"
• Thigh: 27.5"
• Arm: 16"
• Chest: 47.5" (is it possible that i dont report on this one? i breastfeed currently, and i really dont think it will be a reliable measurement...my chest size changes every few hours :)

a little about me: in 2008 i had my son, and my starting weight was 281lbs. in 18 months i shrunk down to 195lbs. i did gain a little back before we became pregnant with our daughter. and i ballooned to 288. im not a graceful pregnant woman i guess! :) because i am breastfeeding, i am not limiting my calories, but i do count them a bit and i choose healthy options. i do not support or believe in diet pills or shakes or anything like that, but starting last week i do drink an all fruit smoothie that i make in the morning to kick start my energy. im determined to shave off a few more lbs through exercise and healthy food options. i knwo i wont hit the end goal (180 lbs) anytime soon but everything is a step!

longterm goal: weight: 180 lbs

goal for the end of this year: lose 30 lbs.

short term goals for this class: 

drink more water

get 60 minutes or more cardio for the week plus strength workouts

eat more fruits and vegetables and add more fish to my diet

so this week i have struggled. i am HORRIBLE at drinking the appropriate amount of water unless im accountable to someone else (thank goodness for this class). sometimes i had to force it a lot at once because id forget throughout the day. i think im going to bargain with myself. No coffee until i have a glass of water, a glass of water before lunch. a glass of water before dinner and after. i think that may be the only way i do it. i also bought some Mio to put in. honestly it helped me drink a TON more because i think it made me more thirsty, but it felt a bit too unnatural and i didnt like it.

i made some poor choices foodwise, but im not beating myself up about it. i had some cheesecake and frozen yogurt, but thats gonna be my life. its not feasible to say i wont ever have sweets, i just need to be accountable.

 anyway, we'll see how next week goes!

Health Habit:

8 glasses of water a day/ YES (but BARELY) i actually started this 2 weeks ago.

exercise: 

Monday: 20 minutes weights and strength 

Tuesday: 20 minutes weights and strength

Wednesday: 20 minutes weights and strength and 30 minutes walking