lets see how many UNFLATTERING pictures i can take eh? haha in glasses, unplucked, face unwashed, just blah.
but you know what? sometimes you have to STRIP it all down and see it at its worst to work towards the "at its best" portion. i should know...ive done it already before.
but ive been having a rough time. these pictures were taken two weeks ago ish? not much as changed. ive been counting calories with the myfitnesspal App. AWESOME app. my brother in law has lost 26 lbs this month with it, and my sister has lost 12.2 so far this month. me? ive gained 2 lbs. WHAT THE FUCK? seriously? i dont get it. J suggested maybe my thyroid problem is back. im scared to find out. us chubby people, we all have those moments when you think "shoot. maybe ill NEVER lose weight".
im SO happy for my Brother in Law and my Sister. but this is ridiculous! i know i know 30 lbs in 5 months is good. yeah its "good" for a normal person to lose 30 lbs in 5 months is great but for someone who just had a baby? shit, 15 of that comes off THAT DAY practically. so really ive lost like 15 lbs in 5 months. neither number is impressive.
so here it is. this. ick. this grossness.
im better than this. im confident, and sexy and beautiful. THIS isnt me.
and dammit, thyroid or not im defeating this body that has failed me and im giving it the finger.
i alot myself about 1900 calories. (the 1400 i would normally eat to lose weight plus 500 for breastfeeding, still puts me at a low calorie number). yeah BREASTFEEDING. i should be losing like a lb a week JUST doing that. what is happening in this body?! i havent exceeded that amount this whole week. im getting irritated and stubborn and determined. and body...you do NOT want to see me angry.
soon. itll come off. it has to. it has no choice. this isnt me. and i love me. i want me back.
meh.
sorry for these in advance :] ill put better ones up soon.
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