dresses! (size 12!!!)

gasp! today i bought 2 new dresses...both in a size 12. my tummy needs lots of work but im feeling good!

ate chex for dinner and breakfast, didn't drink my waters today, subway for lunch late and then potstickers for dessert. it doesn't ruin me, just sets me back a little. no worries, back on track tomorrow : ]

i have a cute new dress to wear to work.

im going to do well.

measurements part 2...

something must be wrong with me.

either i have measured wrong and ive lost an inch everywhere...or i havent lost any inches anywhere....im confused.

for now, i wont be sad...im just going to accept my body and work towards my goals.



screw "accepting" it...im going to EMBRACE it!


i lead a blessed life.

time to clean off the white board

i have a whiteboard in the kitchen that has weight loss updates.
i need to erase it, so i thought id post it here so i can restart for march : ]

January 5th - midday went for iud: 213 (after lunch and drinks)
January 9th - 208
January 13th - 206
January 15th - 205
January 19th - 203
January 21st - 205
January 27th - 201

February 2nd - 199! Under 200! wahoooo!
February 14th goal was 193 - did not meet. but im not sad about it : ] just keep trucking.
February 9th - 198
i got sick the next week and got down to 195. i KNEW this wouldnt last since i needed to rehydrate.
February 23rd - 197.

:]

the new stretch goal is 165 before i get pregnant again (hopefully between January and June 2011) this is so my body can adjust and after i deliver i can reach a comfortable 170-180 prior to my wedding September 2012.

short term goal, lose 5 lbs in march and be at 192 or better by End of March :]

ill update the weigh ins on Tuesdays when i weigh in (i dont like to weigh in more often than that. it drives me batty! i get addicted).

ive done decent.
need to get the waters in.

gave up chocolate for lent.
thinking after this lent is done i will do another lent and give up Rockstars. i love the sugarfree ones. :]
then maybe something harder, like meat or cheese. i know what i need to keep this old body running.

im feeling great. i know that i need to up my game and im hoping that i can figure out what the government can do to help with an education that way i can figure out if i can get into kickboxing at the local Kroc Center. Education is taking precedence and if i am blessed enough to get to go, i will make sure to up my game in other areas, tennis with my older brother or walking at work.

Jillian, you would be proud :]
84 lbs are gone from my life, and i dont ever want to see any of them again, unless it results in a healthy baby.

loving this!

made some bad choices this week: sugary coffee drinks, mcdonalds, mac n cheese. but im not regretting, im forgetting : ]

gettin there

today i tried on 2 pairs of size 12 dress slacks.

both could be buttoned.

one still gave an odd muffin top.


the other fit perfectly.


:]

thats all. :]

Life is good.

this is what happens when you get the horrid flu. when you work in a petrie dish and it spreads like germs do.

i KNOW it was only water weight, and in the days since thursday when it ransacked our house that ive likely gained it back.

but aside from my comfort food of mac n cheese the day i felt better, ive been eating well. still seeing 195 on the scale was nice. it was a peek into the future. i like that. its good motivation. to see myself 15 lbs behind my goal was nice.

started my new shift today. coworker asked for my help to eat better! i can do that! :]
more compliments kept me in good spirits, despite the fact i was SUPER tired from my new 90 minute earlier shift start time.

had a nonfatsugarfree coffee, small amount of cereal for bfast. a 100 calorie snack. subway for lunch and dinner before a movie. (valentines day...was cute, and anyone with a son loves the julia roberts pasrt and understands...and thanks their soldiers.)

on a side note...it made me feel proud of my generation that during the gay scene, brief as it were, the crowd all said "awwww" and accepted and embraced it. lookit us generationX!

but i resisted movie foods and my past of the LARGE soda. Large regal cinemas, really? that cup should be called the Obese cup.
or the Diabetes cup.

i resisted. im home, might have a 60 calorie snack pack before bed, or not. im BEAT.

but it was a good week. sickness ruined my paycheck and my week, and the week for my big J and little j.
but we're getting right back on with our lives.

Sickness - 0, this family - 1.


i love this :]


mmmmm.
things are going GOOD.


zoo on Tuesday with A, Princess J, B and Lady J.
lots of walking, good food, and good friends. WAHOO!

praise the Lord.

one choice at a time...

thats what it all comes down to.

one choice at a time.
what an epiphany!
i had a less than perfect...less than decent day of eating.
but i think thats the hard part for some. not the eating itself...but the feeling that one bad day, one bad choice unravels weeks or days of hard work.

IT DOES NO SUCH THING.

its one choice at a time.

i just poured myself a glass of coke before bed...instead of the water i didnt drink today...and that i should be drinking now. its a choice im making.
i could go dump it out and get some water...thats a choice i could make.
rather than giving up because i had a bad choice day, i wont. rather than justifying it as a "cheat day" i wont. cheat days don't exist. they shouldn't anyway. because they allow us to make horrible choices.

tomorrow im going to wake up...choose my healthy snacks for tomorrow.
i made a choice today to buy candy for my new team and keep it at my desk in a cute candy holder. and every day i will make a choice: eat some or dont. today i did.
but one choice doesnt ruin it; it can be a setback.
i choose to allow myself temptation. rather than forcing my family in this house to choose the same foods i choose, i let them make their choices, and myself mine.

tomorrow i will wake up and choose my light n fit yogurts (80 calories and 0 fat) and maybe a granola bar. i will choose to drink all the waters i need to (roughly 90 ounces if i...) choose a rockstar to help with the day.
tomorrow i will choose to smoke on lunch and breaks...though i can choose not to.
i will undoubtedly choose subway for lunch.
i will choose to make the best of the choices i allow myself. i will consider two good choices and let them cancel out a bad.
i will choose to eat great the rest of the week, and will choose to not let the weigh ins throw me off.

its all about choices.
while we may not choose to get overweight, as some are predispositioned based on matters beyond our control, we choose to change it if we want. either by surgery or healthy choices. we can choose which route to take. we choose consciously to go to burger king, or to make snacks and bring them. we choose how many calories to eat. we choose what we drink..be it something bad for you (like the coke today despited the fact i never drink soda) or water. we choose how many calories we consume in the alcohol we drink.

same as the way we choose to get up and go to work. while we need it for money...we choose to go because we know our responsibilities. we choose to have children...or to not. we choose to marry someone, or we choose to not. we make choices daily. its all abotu WHAT we choose. and WE can. we are so fortunate to live in a country where we CAN choose, and its sad how we take that for granted.
some places have no water to drink...and daily we pass by the brita filters at work or the tap in our own kitchens and we go straight to the calorie filled poisons.
some places they sleep in badly insulated dilapidated houses on the floor, and we can sleep in warm beds, yet we stay up too late.
we can CHOOSE to go for a walk and enjoy our freedoms. we can choose to wear what we want and do what we want. i am SO blessed that i can do all of those things.

i am choosing to choose. choosing to make good decisions.
while today wasnt a day of great choices, i acknowledge that i consciously CHOSE them, and do not feel bad. toimorrow is a new day. even if i start out badly tomorrow, i can make up for it by walking, and drinkign water and choosing better foods for the rest of the day...but i choose to not start badly tomorrow.

i will choose to do my physical therapy exercises to get stronger so i can exercise and be healthier. i will choose to take the stairs. i will choose water.
i will choose to choose. and i will love and embrace the decisions i make because i made them.

i choose to embrace ME!

i CHOOSE ME!

how great to be able to say that.
there is always an out to the decisions we make when we make the right choices available.

what will YOU choose today? what will you choose tomorrow? how do you choose to feel?
choose wisely and enjoy!

:]

ME!

i went out to breakfast this morning...after a less than good day yesterday in food.

i had a craving for french toast and hash browns.


you know what? i ate a ton...probably too much, but i dont regret it.

i think that says a lot about weight loss when you are comfortable with yourself and in your own skin to eat something so much.

i havent had that big, or mean, or fattening meal in over 14 months.

i feel great. i feel like im SO in control!

truth be told i havent seen the needle move in 2 weeks. im toggling back and forth... 198 199 200 199 but i dont mind! i know i have ultimate control and i feel great. i do need to drink more water.

i went out for a photoshoot to celebrate my sissy birthday (you can see my photos at www.glassborotobey.blogspot.com) and we walked a TON. i feel excellent.

my back has been hurting, and i see the physical therapist today to see if anything else can be done. im miserable in that aspect and it frequently has me down for the count. but i feel excellent.

the comments people give, the impressed looks from my friends, and the comments from strangers really keeps me going.

oh yes. also today i went to drop off my engagement ring to be sized.

14 months ago i was a size 9.5-10 on my ENGAGEMENT ring finger...

my ring is getting sized to a comfortable 7.5! how amazing!

i still dont see a real difference...and i am clever with camera angles...lol
but i feel good about myself. im SO proud of ME and i feel great!

God is GOOD!

rough day

i stayed home from work with a bad bad back today.
ate cereal...and realized my fat free milk went bad. had whole milk instead since we always have that for J.

ate some of my chili from last night with fat free sour cream.


subway for dinner.

lots of water.


did some yoga for stretching and my physical therapy exercises for my back. ugh.
its hard; i know i need to be at work but im in pain. and i hate being in pain. i wish i could get my sit stand!
spent a lot of today in bed (15 hours of sleep) and on the computer looking at school. got a bit disheartened that i still dont know what i want to do. i just know i need a career. a real job Julian can be proud of. but school takes forever...and i have a lot of fear about it.

im so tired. so exhausted. so pained.

talked to a friend today and i hope that through helping myself, i can help her.
so many of us struggle with weight. its not worth it. it shouldnt be a struggle. we should all be healthy. we shouldnt have to cry about weight. we shouldnt have to be sad, or limited. or infertile. this is insane. i wish i could help people.
no one should get sad and give up resolutions...no one should let it only be a resolution. i wish it were punishment, obesity.
i wish we could make the bad people unhealthy...and everyone who works for it could be thin.
i wish it wasnt so hard to be moverweight int his world.
im very fortunate i havent had to deal with much descrimination. ive ben very fortunate in that aspect.

i wish we could all just find peace, comfort, and a good place to be with our weight.

sigh.

one day, one person, one lb at a time.

engaged!

he did it.

and im going to be married in t minus 2.5 years.

lots of work to lose the weight, then we are going to have another baby and then lose the weight again!


wish me luck!

photos.

just some random photos...the food from a potluck we had at work. i took about 12 more photos i havent uploaded yet.


just for proof i could resist the all day temptation.

it was the only food on the site to eat and i resisted until lunch when i got subway : ]

then the other is of me comfortably in a size 14. i actually just BOUGHT a pair of 14 jeans! no muffin top!!!

198 at last weigh in.


now i just need to get me some activia or something.

:]

my simple rules...(im no doctor though)

*red meat once a week...IF EVEN THAT MUCH.

*water, water, water.

*choose to eat your calories, rather than drink them.

*cut out sodas. they are pointless. the first week is the hardest. it gets easier.

*cut out bistro bought coffees. brew your own. you'll get the caffeine fix without all the sugar and fat.
and save money!
its easy to order a Venti White Chocolate Mocha...or even a Grande non fat white choc mocha and pretend its not bad for you. its still over a few hundred calories at times!
black coffee typically has 0 to low calories. add some splenda and you got it good!

*non fat milk. for cereal...and also for post workout rejuvenation. (not for babes though, they need the whole stuff)

* keep 100 calorie snack packs on hand. nothing will make you ditch eating healthy more than munching on cardboard for snacks. but still...eat these sparingly.
its easy to justify eating 2 or more packs because "their only 100 calories".

*same with skinny cow. see above. i make a goal that when i DO buy skinny cow...i eat no more than one every 4 days or so. not cutting out dessert entirely...just moderation on the kind so i dont binge.

*dont diet...just eat better. and stay within your calories fat protein and carbs.

*sparkpeople.com. catapulted me into healthy eating. and i still love it.

*snack.
i snack daily. between breakfast and lunch (which is a 4 hour stretch at work) and between lunch and dinner (at work usually a 6 hour gap.
and my snacks are healthy 99% of the time. i use my snacks for something just to keep me going. granola bars, light n fit yogurt. FRUIT. vegetables that have been cooked.
seriously. once i started snacking to keep my body fueled, i felt better and i started losing more weight, more consistently.

*water water water water

*more water. (dont OVERDO it by drinking gallons a day...there IS such a thing as "overdosing" on water...but that takes quite a bit. dont drink it til you vomit lol.
talk to your doctor about any of these tips before trying them. your needs may need to be adjusted by a doctor. not by a silly 23 year old blogger.

:]

any other tips to share?

more tips to help you stay accountable...

motivation...

*some people put their before pictures on the fridge to make them think twice....
i made a photo collage of things that i wanted...new cute clothes, a cute couple in suggestably intimate cuddles...and the words "what are you made of" in the middle.

*subscribe to the good magazines, and save your cash.
i subscribed to parenting, self, or the most recent...womens health to focus on what i want for me...to be a good parent and to treat myself better.
i traded up from cosmo which is laden with skinny girls and too expensive tastes...although i do treat myself :] glamour also has healthy tips, real life stories, and has recently been showing appreciation for the "regular sized" girls...who have meat on their bones and thighs that rub together : ]

*brita filters. when i was pregnant i craved bottled water. after i realized what it was doing to the environment and to my wallet, i traded up and always have fresh water handy.

*water bottles. what started out as a drunken order for 2 filter for good bottles to help save the environment, became a healthy obsession. i now have a water bottle in the car, at work and at home...so i can keep track of water consumption.

*blogging.
my friend Catrina, beautiful girl, loves blogging. and told me i should start. i didnt think i was much of a blogger, nor would i have anything worth reading.
but it REALLY is like my "me time" with my thoughts, and my confessions and successes. i can pretend no one is reading when i confess my guilty pleasures or my setbacks...or pretend someone else can find comfort and motivation to start fresh. i can tell about my secrets even embarrasing topics such as going to the bathroom, weiging in, my period even, and i can pretend no one is reading, or hopefully provide a laugh or smile or the silent nod from readers. do i have anything worth saying? who knows. but you're reading right? or are you? :]
i blog in this space about my weight loss, and blog in a couple other ones too. my favorite of all isnt this one, truth be told. its actually my blog of letters i write to my son. (dear-julian.blogspot.com)
its so nice to just record my thoughts.
it also holds me accountable. if i can pretend someone is reading, or just reread these entries myself, it can help me to get past temptation.
that and i LOVE to read other peoples journeys. i sometimes just google weight loss blogs and read these stories of these women and men, and get excited for them. sometimes its easier to read what they go through, and take their tips n tricks.
beautyandthebypass.blogspot.com
and journeytothecenterofjgirl.blogspot.com
are two friends who blog and i follow to watch and support, learn and become inspired.

*photos!
this past sunday was superbowl sunday. and it was superbowl sunday at my work too : ]
SO many teams had potlucks, even my own who arranged a nacho/burrito potluck...filled with things i shouldnt be eating if i want to continue to succeed.
ill post more on that later when i feel like uploading photos.
i snapped pictures of each potluck i passed with the plan on uploading them here and seeing exactly how much temptation i resisted!
for those interested, i had ONE tortilla chip with beans and olives on it from my teams potluck, and then a couple pieces of sliced meat.
i was VERY proud.

*friends...and acquaintences for that matter.
i see myself every day, and i regularly post how hard it is for ME to see results. but recently, people that dont see me as often at work will say something! especially recently, they have been saying "oh my! how much have you lost now?" or "you look amazing!" i posted a recent photo of me in my new dress (see previous blog) on my facebook, and got 15 comments of people who know my struggle with my weight, and who have never seen me in a dress...commenting on my progress...how that helps!

*being open and honest.
i am getting a new team of reps at work, and recently wrote them all a letter introducing myself. i gave in and admitted to them...i'm on a mission to lose weight.
and explained my success so far.
it will help me to be real, and allow me to have the support of my peers and my reps so they know what i am doing and how they can stand behind me and hold me accountable. i think it gives them a sense of being able to identify with me too.

*the biggest loser...i LOVE watching that show and knowing im not alone. its also easier to get in small workouts or eat better dinner while watching it. i love tuesdays!

*realism.
im an optimist, but also a realist.
i LOVE the biggest lose,r but i know that im not going to lose the 10+ lbs per week that those contestants do.
why? because i DONT work out every day, and my calories in calories out are not 1200 in 6000 burn.
i am not constantly monitored by trainers nor do i have a doctor monitoring me and telling me what to do.
im doing this on my own, and i have to accept that because im not doing what they are, i cant expect it.

*NOT getting disappointed at the needle not moving.
sometimes, im on my period.
sometimes, i have not had the best week for food.
sometimes, i just didnt make enough changes with my changing body to make the needle move. i cant cry or be upset, but i MUST look at not only the progress ive made weight wise, but also the changes ive made and acknowledge that i need to do something different.
i hold myself accountable.
if i eat bad...i cant cry when the needle stays the same.
as a friend told me "eat what you want, but no one is going to be there to hold your hand as you cry in the dressing room". i think everyone who really truly struggles with weight has cried in the dressing room when they grab a cute shirt and realizes...its not cute on you...or its too tight.
its a harsh reality, but we decide our destiny.

*not getting jealous...but also getting jealous.
my friend beautyandthebypass.blogspot.com, had weight loss surgery last year.
and she is doing so amazing. sometimes im jealous! because i didnt have to go through what she did, but also because our results are different. sometimes its hard to be happy for another, sometimes i just need to stop myself, sit back and revel in her successes and work towards my own. weight loss journeys are different for everyone. and NO ONE has it easy. dont think for a second gastric or lap band is easy. and dont think for a second that diet, exercise and eating healthy are either.
regardless of how the weight is lost, the maintenance and the upkeep is a lifestyle change for sure.
and its hard.
i love my beautyandthebypass, and im damn proud of her.

*text messages.
when you have a craving. text someone who knows what you want to accomplish and tell them.
Lady J has done that for me...and vice versa. whether its "i really want a blizzard from dairy queen" or "i want to eat...because i can but im not hungry" its good to have someone you trust tell you No, and then remind you WHY.

*my son.
i want to be healthy for him.
and i DONT want him thinking he can eat whatever he wants.
obesity is scientifically proven to be genetic in some cases...and in others its a learned behavior.

i need to teach him to work WITH his genes, and AGAINST what i had let become the norm for me.

i think im going to add to this later.
for now...i have other thoughts. tata!

yum.

new favorite...

sugar free jell-o chocolate pudding (60 calories) sprinkled with crushed almonds.

good protein. good dessert.



so i haven't been the best at my foods. averaging around 1800 calories a day...which means maintenance for me.

so i haven't pushed that needle any further.

on the upside, taxes came in yesterday and i went bargain shopping. it was nice to not have to worry about what clothes looked like.

it was nice to not cry in the dressing room.

i started doing some yoga moves, and getting in some form of exercise, whether its through stretching or cardio or something.

friend of mine suggested a ballet class or kickboxing at the local kroc center.

i would LOVE that!

heres to getting motivated, not crying in the dressing rooms, towels wrapping all the way around me without that dratted space in front, beaus arms hugging me tightly and comfortably, and new clothes that make me feel important.


it was a good day.

i ended round 1800 again today.


tomorrow ill do better. :]

bear hugs.

so today my Beau gave me a hug and as his arms were wrapped around me, each of his hands were able to rest on my sides in a huge bear hug.

he just said"wow...oh my gosh, you're so small".


that felt SO good.

:]


still holding fast at 199 in my skivs.


feels good still.

updated photos.

i took some photos of me today with my son and beau.


i was a little shocked.


some were still riddled with 2 chin and 6 head. but some made me do a double take.

holy holy.



here is my chance to show off my adorable son, and my blossoming face.


there is a side one with NO DOUBLE CHIN! oh em gee.

M.'s grocery and food cabinet list:

what i like to have handy to ensure healthier cooking AND eating (including snacks):

buy your own coffee to avoid getting sugary barista made drinks
sugar free creamer

to cook stock up on these items:
zucchini
bell peppers
tomatoes
lettuce
potatoes
white onions
broccoli
chicken/beef/vegetable broth
olive oil cooking spray
butter flavored cooking sprays
splenda
carrots
fat free ranch (if you like it)
whole wheat thin spaghetti noodles
tomato paste
tomato sauce
tomato juice
eggs
kosher salt (seriously)
sugar free maple syrup
skinless boneless chicken breasts
ground turkey
low cal pasta sauces (if you dont make your own)
low cal <100 calorie tortillas


stock up on to snack:
light and fit yogurts (80 calories usually and 0grams fat)
cucumbers
grapes
grape tomatoes
apples
oranges
peaches
frozen mixed fruit (for smoothies)
fat free milk
bananas
almonds or other nuts
skinny cow low calorie desserts (i like 100 calorie truffle bars)
otter pops
100 calorie packed snacks (i like the chocolat pretzel ones...yum)
smooth move organic tea by traditional medicinals (helps keep you regular now that your diet will be changing to eating better)
high fiber lower calorie breads (moderation is key)
pickles (most have 0 calories)
pirates booty snacks...buy a big bag and then portion them out to yourselves in smaller bags to avoid having any urges to sit down with a bag and eat from it.


tips ive learned (be sure to check with your physician prior to making any intense changes to your diet or exercise routine. i am not a doctor and these are things i have learned from other people losing weight, this is not a substitute for anythign your doctor can tell you.)
*Red Meat...eat once per week maximum.
*no sodas...after awhile this becomes easy and they will start to taste badly when you do have them : ]
*try to drink at least 64 ounces of water a day...more if you add a coffee or rockstar or something into it. i average around 90+ounces per day. dont try to push it though.
*if you feel you must drink rockstars to function, switch to sugar free and cut down to no more than one in a day.
*if your urine is not a very pale pale yellow, you arent getting enough water.
*add lots of natural fibers and proteins. keeping your system regular is a huge tip.
*do NOT fill yourself full of diet soda as a trade off. no soda is the key.
*drink your water throughout the day, and reach for a healthy snack between meals.
*avoid having any fatty cheat snacks at home like potato chips or frozen pizzas...these will always get the better of you.
*buy fresh, support your local growers at the same time as eating healthy fresh snacks.


thats all for now.

ill update soon.
im tired.
im going to go lay with my precious little boy.
M.

what are you wearing?

what am i wearing? you ask.


okay ill tell you.


new workout sweats...ina medium : ]

7 months ago i wore an XL.

while im positive i wont fit into all things medium...im happy.
i also bought a regular large sweater..and it fits and looks great.


mmmm.

i was good today. 1.5 pancake solo for breakfast. veggie sub for lunch and chicken sub no cheese for dinner. :]

excited for progress.



i love my life.

OMG!

yes ma'am.

i had a HORRIBLE week. and was DREADING weighing in.

but i did...and it seems like making a little mistakes didnt break my progress.
i stepped ont he scale at 200...upon getting down to my skivvies it read 199.

ONE NINE NINE.

do you even know how long its been? no you dont, because neither do it.

nothing but good choices from here on out.

ive lost 82 lbs.


some will likely come back...but im going to do this and make it work.

as promised, as celebrated, im going to go and buy new clothes with my taxes.


ive got less than 20 lbs to go to say ive lost 101 lbs!!!

yayayayayayayayayaya!

honesty...

honesty...sucks.


i ate horrible this week.

japanese for lunch one day...

enchiladas for breakfast (work cafe was closed and all i had to choose from was a potluck. thats what you get for waking up late).

knowing tomorrows weigh in wont be awesome.

however, i can accept that. my present for myself when im under 200 is new clothes.

im talking under 200 AFTER a large meal and 32 ounces of water...not a first morning weigh in.

i want some wiggle room.


im going to do a little ditty when it happens.


ill let you know.

Valentines day.

i want a new dress dammit. someone inspire me.


M.