rough day

i stayed home from work with a bad bad back today.
ate cereal...and realized my fat free milk went bad. had whole milk instead since we always have that for J.

ate some of my chili from last night with fat free sour cream.


subway for dinner.

lots of water.


did some yoga for stretching and my physical therapy exercises for my back. ugh.
its hard; i know i need to be at work but im in pain. and i hate being in pain. i wish i could get my sit stand!
spent a lot of today in bed (15 hours of sleep) and on the computer looking at school. got a bit disheartened that i still dont know what i want to do. i just know i need a career. a real job Julian can be proud of. but school takes forever...and i have a lot of fear about it.

im so tired. so exhausted. so pained.

talked to a friend today and i hope that through helping myself, i can help her.
so many of us struggle with weight. its not worth it. it shouldnt be a struggle. we should all be healthy. we shouldnt have to cry about weight. we shouldnt have to be sad, or limited. or infertile. this is insane. i wish i could help people.
no one should get sad and give up resolutions...no one should let it only be a resolution. i wish it were punishment, obesity.
i wish we could make the bad people unhealthy...and everyone who works for it could be thin.
i wish it wasnt so hard to be moverweight int his world.
im very fortunate i havent had to deal with much descrimination. ive ben very fortunate in that aspect.

i wish we could all just find peace, comfort, and a good place to be with our weight.

sigh.

one day, one person, one lb at a time.