mommy therapy.

as the weeks go on, it gets more taxing. work that is.

thinking of the stress that goes on there, and how the most precious little boy is at home...makes me forget sometimes why i choose to be there instead of here. this week in particular. its been SO hard to not just walk away from it.
i love the idea of my job, but lately the actual job itself has become so hard mentally.

i desperately wanted to take saturday off with Beau to have a date day, all day. but alas, there isnt the option of a day off for another week.

sigh.

so the initial idea is that i would just relax ALL DAY, save for judes shot appt at 11:15...or so i thought.
i woke at 1000 and jude and cuddled for awhile...however, i was wrong. my appt was at 1030..argh. had to reschedule...thats all right. we'll play hooky from vaccinations and just relax for today...wrong again.

i got the hair up my butt to tidy up...a small amount. im not a clean person by any means, but i wiped down the counters, threw a load in the washer and decided we needed some supplies and i think ill go to the store. running "mommy" errands makes me feel so good inside. and it bring meaning to my job.
that job enables me to be a good mommy financially. lets face it...its a job that is hard on every single level, and the company knows it, thats why they pay 5$ above minimum wage to people without a college education.

im paid well for my time, and the good news is they cover quite a lot of counseling sessions through insurance too. the job pretty much drives me into therapy :] thats a fib, it drives me to mommy therapy.

im going to cuddle a bit with my boy, we are watching a basketball episode of sesame street (i think its funny how you can seriously get annoyed by elmo...until you have a kid who loves him...and then you love him and all his muppety monster friends).

so sesame street and cuddles, then maybe a trip to winco for some veggies we need; maybe ill crockpot a dinner for tonight.
then to the dollar store because i love it, (:]) grab some other necessities from target, hit up a thrift store or something, come back from our day and put jude down for a nap : ] or maybe we'll go feed the ducks. :]

i love being a mother.

ernie is on....im going to watch that cute chubby little bugger entertain my baby boy.


mommy therapy is MUCH cheaper and MUCH more satisfying than a real therapist : ] besides, its acceptable for me to cuddle with jude, not so much with a counselor :

again with the honesty...

i drank coffee BEFORE BREAKFAST so i could take advantage of its diuretic properties...it worked...and helped me to clear out some waste as well as adjust my weight. 201.
its legit. 21 more lbs to goal.

its getting closer, i think it might feel more real after im in the 100s rather than the 200s but look at me!!! look at this!

not only will i be at my goal by may, but i will look great for my friend Cs wedding in October that i am in, and also at my friend A's next year whose i am also in...this is fabulous.


i can do anything : ]

and another lb bites the dust...

the scale read 202 this morning.

im feeling better. but tonight, tonight is a special date night.

ive read somewhere that having a cheat night, a higher calorie meal than normal may be good for you metabolism.

you see, my wonderful beau and i are going to a trailblazers game. we have some of the best seats, the lexus club. this is where the ritzy people go to watch the game and it is all you can eat fully catered.

Beau had told me, NO healthy eating lol, but i truthfully cant just order something greasy and gross. i might just get myself some subway there...even if it is 11 dollars for a footlong.

im going to be completely truthful and forward in this blog, so if TMI sends you running...i'll see you later.

eating healthy can sometimes have not so positive effects. on any given day my Beau will spend about 30 minutes in the bathroom...my little sister lovingly calls her routine the "morning duke", yes yes foul mouthed and gross but lets face it...we all poop. i've become loads more comfortable with it since i actually am hands on in my sons poo at least twice a day.

i'm jealous. i don't have the regularity that others do.

matter o fact, i'd say maybe 3x a week is a good week for me...i want normal. i want regular.

i don't want to power through 3 cups of strong coffee just to wait for the kind effects of it.

sometimes, healthy eating doesnt always have the fiber it should for me. because i latch on to certain foods that are healthy that i like and eat them repeatedly....i.e. subway.

yes im guilty of not havign well rounded diet, instead i just eat what i like.

friend and i want to take a class, kickboxing or ballet, maybe spinning or yoga?
something that will kick our butt once a week while we incorporate more moving into the other 6 days...

lets see how it goes :]


any ideas on how to poo? let me know. 3/7 are not the greatest numbers. :]

thank you for listening to me talk about poo.

just a couple cool websites.

http://www.highproteinfoods.net/
this site talks about exactly what it claims...high protein foods.

according to a book im reading (eat this not that) those who ate high protein diets lost twice as much fat than those eating the same amount of calories as those on a low protein diet.

thats not too shabby. :] by the way

Eat This, Not That is AMAZING.

www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm
for the calorie calculator...tellign you what you need based on your age, sex, exercise level, etc.

caloriecount.about.com
this does what it claims also...counts the calories.

Sparkpeople.com is like the social networking for those who want to or have lost weight already : ]

love all of these.

today is starting off good.
i found myself, forgive me for being blunt, a little backed up. feelign sluggish and heavy.
had some coffee and some water, and am feelign great.

gotta watch those bananas kids, they will back you up if you eat one day even, after a few days you stop with the loss! yet in moderation they are great for you : ]

as i mentioned in the last posts, i gained 2 lbs back. im at 205. im determined to get under 200 by february 14th.
then i will have less than 20 lbs to go to my ultimate goal - 101 lbs lost.
its hard to keep motivation when you just want to stop. for example it was such a hard day mentally yesterday that i have in to about 250 calories in chocolate...sometimes we need to give in to temptation...but thats only sometimes.

im staying strong. ive started the day with black coffee adding some water and fat free creamer and a bowl of rice krisipies with splenda that i shared with my son. again i didnt drink the extra milk (though maybe i should to get more protein)
and im about to go for a workout at the Kroc Center.
bummed there is no swimming, but im going to make the most of it. last chance workout....Biggest Loser on tonight!


oh yes, and im going dress shopping for the game tomorrow night.


gotta be as sexy as i can be : ]


loves all.

have a healthy and happy day, and be thankful for it.

M.

sleepy.

im going to be honest, as much as i want to lie.

i gained 2 lbs. im back at 205 which is how i am forced to acknowledge eating will only get you so far if we dont exercise too.

tomorrow is a long day, kroc center, dress shopping for the blazer game, dentist (ack) and dinner plans.

im not excited about this whole thing, but im hoping that i get a load off and enjoy my weekend.

my workday was rough, and i found myself questioning my existence in the workplace. i had to conjure up thoughts of my son in order to forge ahead through the trials and tribulations.

i need to press on and press forward.
and i need to get under 200 lbs.

ill be excited when i can buy a dress without having to buy a matching cardigan.

sigh.

when i get tinier.

im saving my taxes...or some of them...and i have plans for when i am where i wanna be.

im going to buy all new underthings...the nice ones that you WANT people to see : ]

im going to buy leggings...like 5 pair.

im going to buy a sexy rexy new dress. something tighter, suggestive, but classy.

im going to buy a 50s style bathing suit and get dressed for a fun retro photoshoot with a friend.

im going to get a badass new haircut, choppy layers and something to frame the face.

Im going to buy some black skirts and adorable coverall dresses.

im going to get a new tattoo.

im going to get a mani pedi...and take my man out on the town, showing off my babe, my body, my confidence.


its going to be a good day. this mis my motivation...what is yours? what are YOU going to do?

tried this on for size...

so.
im not a cook. J is the chef. but i try.

this is amazing. i love it. i just quite literally threw onions in a pan with some 0 calorie olive oil cooking spray, cut up some zucchini, yellow and red bell peppers and fried em up. zucchinis take a bit longer to really cook, so about 5 minutes in i added a handful or two of frozen peas. i added some seasonings and after it was done, oh my word i had the best bowl of veggies.

and dang it, i love when i pick pieces up for j or it falls on em there is nothing to make a stain! :]

same with the crock pot. only i browned some beef stew meat as in just put it in a skillet until it turned a bit brown on each side...just a few minutes really, (they make meat cut specifically for stew...badass). i put it in the crockpot, added chopped celery, stewed tomatoes, undrained. tomato sauce, carrots cut into pieces,
bell peppers of different colors, zucchini, onions and such and just turned it on high.

we'll see if its as good as lunch.

i have nothing to say right now

but im going to anyway. today was exhausting.

my son was screaming in the middle of the night and we assume it can only be more teething. how horrible it must feel. i recall my wisdom teeth hurting, but to see constant pressure as a little guy who cant communicate? suck. it was very trying for J and i to try to focus in the middle of the night. but J did good and got j back to sleep. i awoke for work, had my cereal without the excess skim milk and took a couple oranges to work. i didnt have a rockstar this morning, just some black coffee with splenda and lots of water. 2 oranges for snack a banana and a veggie sub til my dinner of some steak and lots of asparagus.

i then went grocery shopping with the nanny.
bought about 100 bucks of good food: veggies, veggies, more veggies and some meat for stew making. :]

j had a good day while i was at work, but sleep doesnt come easy for the little bug.

neither does it come for us coincidentally.

im enjoying some momma time with nanny while daddy and j sleep.

im tired, and have an appt early in the morning.


im not feeling any lighter, moreso just so from the workout yesterday and being on my feet more than normal today.

im going to enjoy my bed tonight.

this momma is tired.

but you know what? i feel blessed. completely and entirely.


that means more to me than a few lbs. :]

lent..

i made a suggestion in jest to Lady J (journeytothecenterofjgirl.blogspot.com)
about doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day shred for lent.

in my mind i laugh, because ive done it. but i think...it was MADE for 30 straight days.
Jillian has the real big people do it daily...maybe i'm onto something.

my goal is to be under 200 lbs at morning weigh in by 02.14.2010.

we'll see!
i'm trying to talk myself out of the Jillian Michaels thing for 30 days...but if i can promise myself at least 24 of the 30...maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

on the upside...i went to Kroc today and worked out. played some freestyle b-ball and bruised myself up hardcore playing volleyball. i forgot how much i love that game :]. i wanted to leave right after but my good big brother convinced me to stay and do the treadmill for 16 minutes. its not so bad when you are next to someone, thats for damn suresies. i am finding it hard to stay awake. i managed to drag myself into the shower after a mental back and forth argument for an hour. now i'm beat. completely but i cant nap. i need to let this adrenaline finish its work. no crashing now!

i'm hoping to make it under 200 by 02.14.2010. i can do this.
i'm rather nervous. what if it doesn't feel as different as i want it too?
oh well. i'm making my way. i'm 24 lbs away from my goal of 101 lbs lost.

holy cats i'm proud of my 77 lbs gone!

i have gotten my new shift at work Mon Tues Fri off (no days off with big J who has Sun Wed Thur off...lame).
i will have a great boss but my shift is 7-6. i do NOT like being at work at 830...let alone having to come in 90 minutes prior.

this bites. im hoping though that Lady J and i can get in maybe some cardio or lifting in together. its nice to at least have a cyber confidante and blogs to turn to (IM PROUD OF YOU FOR TURNIGN DOWN THE PARFAIT!)
but i need some face time.
maybe we can take a spin class together? that would be fun slash brutal : ]
im going to go over there right now and tell her we are doing it : ]
her little is sick right now, maybe she needs some java?
i know i do. holy hell i am sleeeeeepy.

but...no matter how sleepy i am...i feel damn energized mentally that i got out there and worked for what i want!

blogging IS good for the soul

sometimes it helps to just type it all out.

its nice to think sometimes that EVERYONE is reading your accomplishments, but also be able to hide in the comfort that you sometimes feel NO ONE is reading.

i didnt log my calories today, but i had veggie sub for lunch, shared a handful of baked, not fried french fries...(or is it french bakes in this case?) i did also have some delicious lil smokies at Sisters house.

i had some snacking cravings, as cramps tend to do.
i decided its not the period that does it...because thats not the case for me right now. but the cramps are horrid at making you feel like you just want to shove food down your throat to coat the ache inside.

i had a chicken sub for dinner and i drank all my waters for the day.

i did have 3 rockstars. so sue me.
only i am responsible for my successes and failures.

i am feeling good about my weight loss, and happier still for my friend who has lost 3 lbs this week for her hard work.

im feeling fat, mainly because i am tired.

j has good ears this week, but teething is most likely what is happening.
he is still awake. its 1.49am.

oh my. im excited for this year, this life, this everything.

i wish that i could crawl into this and stay forever.
my babe is almost 13 months old, and its been the best almost 13 months ever.
sometimes my anxietty from losing loved ones also draws me to want to eat.
or cry. i need to resist temptation and find faith.
i dont need to fill my head and heart with worries in the midst of such happiness.

im fucking happy.

i have a better life than i could have ever imagined.

while some weave tangled webs, mine is free and clear and strung of happiness and simplicity.


i love my life.

:].

thats right folks...

i've lost a total of 78 lbs since having my son.
im talking since the day i left the hospital.
13 months. SeventyEightLbs.
its difficult sometimes, and i cant say it enough because we are our toughest critics.
today was a fat day. i felt bloated and full and fat right as i rolled out of bed.
(didnt help i had a seizure last night but what ev)
i peed then turned on the wii to my Biggest Loser Game. what can i say? im a marketing whore. i love the game really.
but i went to face the music and edit my settings. and there it was. 203. i've lost another 2 lbs since i weighed myself last.

eating healthy really doesnt suck. its all about making choices.
realizing a "snack" doesnt have to be a 500 calorie burger from a fast food place, you can find the feeling of fullness and content with an orange or a couple packets of instant oatmeal.

yesterday i was horrible with my calories.
not horrible i guess, but we had red meat for dinner. we follow the wonderful Alton Browns rule of red meat once a week. it helps me too, because the cancer runs in my family three fold.

so yesterday i ate a small prepackaged cup of cheerios for breakfast with splenda and fat free milk that i didnt drink.

then i didnt have a snack to eat so i waited til lunch...not good folks...snacks help you to not binge! i ate a ftlong veggie sub.

then instant oatmeal for a snack and was at about 1100 calories give or take.

then dinner came. and jamie made NY strip steak.

lets just say portion control is my weakness and its all still the truth for steak : ]

i ate otter pops for dessert. and ended around 1800 calories.

its really not like im sacrificing much. im just not gorging on strip steak all the time. im eating healthier. and im not sacrificing. thats a lot of food i ate yesterday!

i forgot what i was going to say next.

oh yes. WATER! this really helps. i have a tendency to drink energy drinks. i know they arent good for you, and the sugar free ones are probably riddled with other artificial things that can tear my body apart. but im a sucker for them, and coffee. so when i DO have a non water beverage, i in turn must make up those calories.
for example. i should be drinking about 70 oz of water at the minimum daily. if i drink a 16 ounce rockstar, i have to drink 86 oz. add an 8 ounce cup of coffee? 94 ounces...and so on and so forth. it really helps me to feel full.

oranges have become my favorite snack along with any other fruit i can get my hands on.
they fill you up for low calories, and they help you poop. you realy cant go wrong with it : ]

sleeeepy.

again. tired. stayed up too late last night. aint that how it goes?

did decent today. banana and some rice krispies (hold the extra milk) for breakfast.

orange for a snack.

leftover grilled/baked chicken and asparagus for lunch.

one cookie (yeah i know) and a chicken sub from subway for dinner.

going to weigh in on tuesday morning and see where we are. :]

J is down to 243. im hoping he picks up some good numbers too! that motivation would keep him going.

im in love with life today. i got my health. my family. my J and my baby boy.

taking it all in stride.

so close to 200...lets go!

its working!

omg.

so its really hard to be, and forgive me for being redundant, the one i see in the mirror. yes i love myself. what i mean here is that i see myself every day...and i dont notice a change in the way i look.

but yesterday i was wearing my size 16 dress slacks...and they were hanging off me almost.
so today i did a little experiment. i went to my fave thrift store and tried on size 14 dress pants.

they fit.

not only did they fit but they fit good. i ended up buying two pairs of black slacks and a pair of khaki colored slacks.

the jeans were not quite there. some i couldnt button; some i could button but with a gnarly muffin top : ] but it must be working. i wont lie when i say it hurt my ego a little to measure myself, and moreso to post them here. but this is a big win.

im closer to my goal.

i havent been a 14 in anything for over 2.5 years, maybe longer.

i feel wonderful. i bought another pair of 16 jeans that make me look good : ] and feel great.


this is a wonderful feeling.

i did well with my eating today. had banana and an apple for breakfast; fruit always seems to help my energy level.

i walked around stores a lot today which isnt quite the exercise i wanted but i was way tired. still not an excuse. well it IS an excuse but its not a good reason.

i snacked more than i should: had my weakness: saltines. and had a couple handfuls of peanuts to tide me over. i ate veggie sub at subway for lunch and am going to have some chicken and asparagus for dinner.

im feeling good. i am loving the feeling of putting ona cute outfit and knowing that i am doing well.

am i going to reach my goal? eventually yes. i have failed my resolution fo working out 3x a week, but will work on getting my new gym membership where i can go with J and the little beau here soon.

i have a great life. i dont take it for granted. above all i am a good mommy to a fantastic little boy.
we are pretty sure he is getting another ear infection, and our hopes are to stay away from the tubes; it hurts to know he is in pain.

im going to go in to watch and cuddle the little boy, but i had to let whoever reads this know....even if you cant SEE results, doesnt mean results arent there. the person you see in the mirror can be decieving, because we see that person daily.

good luck and ill post again soon!

okay...deep breaths...

today was a day i decided to weigh in. why? i dont know...im silly.

205...closest ive been to under 200 in a LONG time.

my goal is by Valentines day, as a present to myself...im GOING to be under 200 lbs.


i have a lot of friends doing other weight loss support...be it by supplements or weight loss surgeries...and i havent decided what is right for me yet. im giving myself until may to play around with my own devices and see what i can do.

while being 205 lbs is a HUGE accomplishment for me...i chose to sabotage my feel good mood...by measuring.

i felt some regret, and i know i still will, when i realized i should have done that right after Julian was born.

to know what difference 76 lbs makes would be so uplifting.
its hard to be the same face in the mirror when other people see the progress. I WANT TO SEE IT!

anyway...here i am baring myself to the world...through numbers.

its time to face facts M, this is who i am....
and dammit...i LOVE it. i have a lot to Love...but thats a good thign right?


small natural waist: 34"

thickest part of love handles 41" (cringe)

neck 13.5"

mid ribs under bust 36.5" (down from 38/40 : ])

calves 15"

Largest part of my thigh: THIS one was a hard one to see. 26.5

thats the size of my little brothers waist almost.

those numbers are hard to see.... but lets motivate!

sometimes i need a pick-me-up (please, no one actually try to pick me up, as this might perpetuate the feeling of heaviness).

i was going to go to the kroc center tonight.
but that damned tailbone hurt SO bad from my 8 hour meeting today. those chairs were horrible and there was SO Much Sitting!

im going to try and be active tomorrow.
and am going to continue the eating. today i had a banana a small amount of beef jerky and cereal breakfast bar for bfast, 6 inches of turkey sub for lunch. 3.5" of turkey sub for snack and some grilled teriyaki chicken for dinner with some steamed rice. half portions.

im working on it. its hard to see the progress of others and be sincerely happy for them...lol until you see your own that is.


im going to go fill out the fafsa.

someone tell me im skinny : ]

oh my.

Such a common post name.

I need to call my own shots.
I need to raise the stakes.

I need exercise.

Been doing good about eating healthy...down to the aformentioned 206 from 213 after the holidays. I don't want that for me anymore.

A friend in flab is doing great, and I'm so happy for her.
I am exhausted but know I won't see the same results otherwise. Here's a new goal...by valentines day, and my present for myself...down 6 more lbs to be 200...or better yet...7 lbs to be UNDER 200! Let's go body and mind...work together for the common good.


I made a crafty magnet with sexy ladies on it and the words "what are you made of" plastered across it.



I'm eager to find out, yet terrified.


I love you m.

hmmm

today i wasnt bad.

rice krispies for breakfast...didnt drink the milk.

banana and orange for first snack

veggie sub for lunch

banana for second snack

(yesterday i had m&ms i know im a rebel...but i promised myself i wouldnt let myself regret it. my tummy isnt used to it anymore:] good thing!)

had a low calorie tortilla and cheese quesadilla (mozarella is lower calorie than the rest i guess) and some leftover spaghetti we made low cal last night.

i did succumb to a few too many otter pops...i have myself a gnarly gnarly sore throat. it helps. i dont feel bad. 25 calories each. wee high in sugar but the sacrifices we make when we feel icky :]

was a good day.

hoping in 5 weeks im under 200...lets go weight loss!!!

went grocery shopping last night to get supplies to make a low cal crockpot veggie and beef stew. found the recipe on sparkpeople.com.


excited to try my hand at it!

i did good today...

1690 calories : ] and i drinked my waters.


i am gonna do good.

i got my iud on tuesday. MiSERABLE.

needless to say i wasnt feeling awesome.

i slept most of the day yesterday and probably had less than 1k calories.

today i did good.

when i went in for my iud they weighed me. im not going to lie. it wasnt pretty.

i went back to 213. in my defense. i hadnt peed, i ate subway about 10 minutes before. and i was on le period.

not to mention that was at 2pm and i do my weigh ins in the am right when i wake up before any water and such.

im going to do this.

im better than what i am now. i deserve this.

getting my new gym membership. cancelled the old and going with the Kroc center so i can take the babe and swim with him.

he hasnt been feeling well; he wants mommy all the time.

i can live with that : ]

im still happy happy...even if this iud isnt quite comfortable right now. ive heard from people it halts weight loss...but im about the defy odds. :]

eeesh.

im not going to lie.


i was bad today.

i did very minimal workout. as in some small exercises that did not make up for the graham cracker and chocolate snacking i did.


its so much easier, ive realized, to eat better once your on a streak.

any sparkpeople member would know thats when youve been eating well for days...you dont want to ruin the streak...so saying no is easier.

its not...when youve been bad already.


tomorrow im going to do the workout. #1 of 60.

jillian michaels. you better kick my ass.

i have a lot of it that needs your kicking.


why cant i just say no?

or rather...why do i choose to say yes instead?

lord, give me strength. if i cant say no to bad foods, how strong am i really?

having chinese tonight...

the boy is having a LONG day, and i have a sick babe with 2 ear infections...cant get to the store to buy some grubs...so im going to order in...wishing me luck or scoffing? im trying to not rob myself of progress.

so while he eats his general tso's chicken (or also known as General Tso's FatFest_ im going to try and eat healthier.

according to the dailyplate.com 1/2 cup of steamed rice is 194 calories...and id rather use those for tastiness.
its a good tactic since it fills you up...but i think ill skip that today. im thinking garlic green beans? or chicken breast and veggies... lets do some research...

Tips for lowering fat and calories when you order food from a Chinese take-out restaurant.

Do...

Reduce the amount of meat in your meal.

Order more vegetable dishes or dishes that have a high proportion of vegetables, such as Beef with Broccoli.

Order steamed rice. Filling up on steamed rice will mean you eat less of the other dishes. Another reason to eat rice is that it is a complex carbohydrate. Besides being low in calories, complex carbohydrates boost the metabolism.

Stick to Cantonese cuisine if possible. Cantonese dishes tend to be lighter and use fresh ingredients.

Let the restaurant know your dietary needs so that they can accommodate you if possible.

Cut down on sodium the day you are planning to order Chinese food. Most Chinese restaurant dishes have a very high sodium count.

Don't...

Order deep-fried dishes such as Kung Pao Chicken, General Tso's Chicken, Mu Shu Pork, or even Egg Rolls.

Order fried rice. The eggs in fried rice mean a high cholesterol count.

Order dishes with nuts (another reason to say no to Kung Pao and General Tso's Chicken). In moderation, nuts are quite healthy, and a staple in most Asian diets. In fact, recent studies indicate that peanuts (which is not really a nut at all, but a legume) may even lower cholesterol. But take-outs use way too much. Unless you can persuade them to reduce the amount, steer clear of all the tempting chicken and nut combinations.

Order dishes with heavy sauces.
**********
http://chinesefood.about.com/library/bltakeoutcalories.htm

so what did i find upon further research?


that you cant find calories for chinese on the web. so i opted for an unfried dish chicken chow yuk.
;]

we'll see how it goes.

cereal for breakfast, didnt drink the milk, but i DID have capn crunch :] hey...it shouldnt be a chore!

had about 1.5 cups of chicken soup 2 hours ago. less than 150 calories.

im hungry again...and its not okay! WHY? am i hungry again.

really battling with myself splurging on the unneccessary.

maybe ill have an otter pop and call it good. i LOVE those things : ] or some steamfresh...veggies are a GO!


i love you me.

oh yes...

and if you would like to read some good reads and fun anecdotes, this blog will be a good one.

shes a cool chick, and we're in this together.

www.journeytothecenterofjgirl.blogspot.com

goodness

im not going to use it as a crutch but i hate agnes.
i didnt exercise today.
no, instead i stayed home with a sick bub except for 4 hours of the day i worked.
cereal for breakfast. coffee (half a pot with some creamer sugar free) a chicken breast sub sammich and chicken enchiladas for dindin.

j tries to cook healthy but bless his heart he loves good food. we're working on it. as i try to shed these last 30 lbs for now, j has a goal of 40 ish. he is in a smaller pants size i think. dratted men and their weight loss abilities.

i decided to skip dessert.

now i have a friend in the weight loss business, a colleague if you will, we have agreed to text in temptation. i didnt feel the need tonight. i just skipped dessert. truth be told i half forgot, since we were trying to feed the babe while teaching him to say please more.

i made agreement with the nanny that we will do jillian michaels thirty day shred at least thrice a week.

see i figured it out, i want my goal weight to be reached by the end of may, if i work out a minimum of 3x a week thats 60 workouts. i have seen success and i will reach my goals, and i wont be disappointed if not at the goal point. i think the huge key to success is being happy with any goal, and being happy with any progress achieved. if im seeing the lbs fall off...then i will keep with it...unless i falter like i did in december.

my short term goal, the first of many is to see the 100s again. i havent weighed myself, but im pretending i went back up to 212. thats allowing myself an unseen 6 lbs gained back. im hoping thats not the case. after another steady week or two of good decisions, including all my waters drank for the day, i will weigh myself and post it here. im too scared, and i sent myself up that creek on my own.

having a friend do it, while not working out together or counting calories together will prove successful. people see success in numbers, and seeing a friend do it will help loads.

portions remain a big obstacle. im learning my body wont fall sick if i dont have that second bowl of cereal...and i dont need the milk in it either at the end of the bowl.

i need to ration my creamer, and not go for seconds.

i need to fill the smaller plates, and go back to my soups for lunch or veggie subs and save my calories for snacks and dinner.

i need to be drinking my 94 oz of water a day and compensate for any other beverages such as coffee or rockstars that work as a diuretic.

how easy it all is on paper, or blog as it is. more importantly, i need to remember all the time how happy and gratifying it is to see the weight come off, and realize once i am at my goals, each of them, that i will no longer loathe those skinny girls who work out.

they are not your enemies M, they are your comrades in this battle. they however, are the smart proactive ones, who never let themselves get to my point.

200s you are going to be gone soon., i promise you. its been a long relationship, but its time to cut ties, we'll be friends, but no more. we'll talk on the phone, but this face to face daily relationship has got to stop.


i love you, self. and i respect all you are.


i really do love me. and im proud of me dammit. :]

oh my.

i.hate.having.a.period.

yeah yeah, if you're a guy reading this, get over it. its the elephant in the room. Girls Have Periods. and it sucks...but it guarantees you arent pregnant for another month...and that you are still somewhat of a fertile myrtle.

after having a baby i wont turn my nose up at having a period, for i know what my body is capable of.

but then there are the months, especially when Endo rears her UGLY head, that id rather be in labor. because though it hurts a helluva lot worse...my labor lasted only 27 hours rather than 7 days (or longer...gasp) and they give you the good stuff for the pain, not like my gyno who believes endo wont go away and pain management best be natural. it makes sense the other 3 weeks of the month; you don;t want someone to be addicted to painkillers for a lifelong condition. but then that one week comes up and i want to rip out my uterus and give it to him so he can feel the pain.

ugh.

needless to say, im NOT exercising.
the closest thing i did to good decisions was i ate only ONE bowl of cereal, though my PMS-ey self wanted another. i had a handful of hershey kisses in the throes of the pain. i took a vicodin and then ate some sugarfree jello to settle my stomach followed by cucumbers and pickles as a snack. not too bad of a day. i think im still under 700 calories.

For The Love Of God! (or for the abbreviationally minded...FTLOG!)Para el Amor de Dios! thats definitely not right, but you DONT argue with a woman on the rag. (that, by the way, is a HORRIBLE figure of speech. i dont care the origin its stupid).

im cranky, im bitter, im in PAIN. and im not a peach right now.

my new years resolution is not a resolution. because resolutions are broken. its an agreement.

get some kind of cardio 3x a week until at least May.
supporting a friend of mine will help, as she is working out at work and i should do the same, and making sure im staying true to the Blogger world. (who actually reads this anyway? doesnt matter im pretending i have throngs of fans awaiting to hear my next overweight confession).
now cardio is not just gym work (truth be told i cancelled my 24 hour membership, and once my club privileges run out in march am joining the Kroc Center so i can workout with my baby J.)
but my definition of cardio could be even as simple as mine and A's game of "walk 2 miles in wal mart" during a late night visit.


i have a somewhat desk job.
rarely on my feet unless i need to be...and my whole "i should be clocking in 10,000 steps a day" rarely rings in over 5k.
speaking of which, i should petition for a 5k to be turned into just a race to hit 5000 steps. then id be in a 5k every day : ]

im miserable right now.

appreciate anyone who is out there in the web reading my monthly woes.
send me love and chocolate and let me know if you're reading.
for now. im going to drink the waters (another part of the agreement between 2010 and i) and go cuddle with my sick bebe while the man watches football.

make good decisions and talk to 2010...make an agreement for your wellbeing.

later friends.